


tell me where you've been, love

by iamalystark



Series: butterflies rising [1]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Alternate Universe - Mob, Alternate Universe - Modern: No Powers, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Drama, Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Gun Violence, How Do I Tag, I Will Go Down With This Ship, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Kid Loki (Marvel), Natasha Romanov Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure, Natasha Romanov Feels, Natasha Romanov Has Issues, Natasha Romanov Is a Good Bro, Natasha Romanov Needs a Hug, Natasha Romanov-centric, Non-Graphic Smut, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Peter Parker is Tony Stark's Biological Child, Pregnant Natasha Romanov, References to Depression, Self-Harm, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Notes, Teacher Natasha Romanov, Tony Stark Has Issues, Tony Stark is Good With Kids, Unplanned Pregnancy, Whump, basically all of shield is, but it's my favorite story now so, clint barton is a bad person, i didn't mean to make it this long, michelle jones is nick fury's biological daughter, no beta we die like men, this is just a bucket of angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-17
Updated: 2020-09-15
Packaged: 2021-03-02 17:06:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 24
Words: 46,905
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24230284
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iamalystark/pseuds/iamalystark
Summary: Natasha Romanoff, a highschool English teacher, woke up one day and decided that enough was enough, and that she would be ending her life. And she really planned on going through with it, she did, but then she met the one and only Tony Stark in a bar.It wasn't her fault she didn't know he was a mob boss.
Relationships: Clint Barton & Natasha Romanov, Michelle Jones/Peter Parker, Natasha Romanov & Avengers Team, Natasha Romanov (Marvel) & Everyone, Natasha Romanov/Tony Stark, Peter Parker & Natasha Romanov
Series: butterflies rising [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1925845
Comments: 187
Kudos: 424





	1. give you my word, as you take it and run

**Author's Note:**

> hi! ive been working on this forever! ive got a lot of it planned out and im really excited to write this story! please heed the warnings in the tags folks because this story deals with some pretty triggering topics
> 
> chapter one title is from friends by chase atlantic

For her entire life, Natasha had been very orderly about everything. She'd always been very precise and specific about things. Like the way she made her bed, or the way she arranged her desk, or the time and amount she fed her cat, even the way she ran a blade across her hips and thighs some nights. 

So, she supposed that this day wouldn't be any different. There wasn't a devastating breakup, there wasn't a mental breakdown, nor was there even tears. 

Natasha woke up, she stared at her ceiling, and she decided today was the day. She got up, made her bed, and went on with her day. 

Humming softly as she made her way through her apartment, the redhead felt a sense of calm and tranquility settling over her. 

First, her clothes were pulled on, simple blue jeans and a light colored sweater, and then her hair was brushed, her makeup put on delicately.

Her movements weren't slow or mechanical, weren't held back by a sadness that most would have assumed. She felt normal. Better than normal.

Natasha gave her limber, black cat, Ebony, a scoop of food, scratched behind her ears, and left. 

As she drove, her thoughts wandered to the neatly written note in her bedstand drawer, and she noted that she'd have to take it out and put it somewhere visible, so he wouldn't have to go searching for it. 

Her best friend would be sad, she knew that. Of course he would, and so would his wife, his kids. They'd miss her. The woman wasn't dumb enough to believe she didn't have people that cared about her, it just wasn't enough to make her stay. 

She loved them, always had and always would. The redhead hummed suddenly, content that she'd see her niece one more time. After all, Natasha was her English teacher. 

She didn't eat breakfast or lunch, didn't see a reason to, and just taught her classes. The teacher made sure to keep notes on what she'd been teaching so whoever took her place would know where to start. 

The day only began to look up once she got to the last period of the day, her favorite class. She would never admit it of course, didn't want to hurt anyone's feelings, but her favorite students were in the last class. 

They were also in her homeroom at the end of the day, and she supposed that might be why they were her favorites. 

"Hi, Auntie Nat!" Lila Barton greeted happily as she entered the room, sliding into her desk nearest to Natasha's. 

"Hey Munchkin." The redhead replied, smiling lightly. 

A few others filtered in, greeting her, and then the classroom quickly filled, the bell ringing to signal the start of class. 

After explaining the material and telling everyone what their homework was, she slinked her way back to her desk, jotting down exactly what she'd just covered, before sitting back and letting her eyes drift over the students. 

She wasn't as strict as most of the teachers in this school, and she assumed that was why she heard many of the teens whispering about her being their favorite teacher in the halls.

She issued that homework and if the kids did it or not was up to them, she'd let them know that. If they did it, they got the points. If not, they didn't. 

A lot of them used her class as a study hall, doing the homework she'd assigned another time. Like normal, though, Natasha's eyes landed on the kids who actually worked on it. 

There was Lila, of course, and there was the boy a few seats from her, Peter Stark. Peter was an extremely bright kid, and while it was pretty obvious he wasn't short on money, he didn't flaunt it for popularity or friends like a lot of the snobby kids here did. 

Peter had a certain air to him, something not exactly dark, but not light either. Natasha blinked, shaking her head a bit. She had always been curious about the brunet boy, but had never pried. It was none of her business. 

Next, her gaze landed on the boy beside him. Peter Stark always seemed to have Loki Odinson at his side. They weren't best friends, not like she'd noted that Peter and Ned Leeds were, but they gravitated toward each other as if on instinct. 

When she'd first met the boys, she was 100% sure they knew each other outside of school. She'd just yet to figure it out. 

"Miss Romanoff?" A voice caught her attention, and Natasha tore her gaze from the wall she'd began staring at. 

"Yes?" Standing in front of her desk was Michelle Jones-Fury, thrusting the paper in her hand forward. 

"I'm finished. Can I go down to the library?" Was the girl's (predicted) response. 

Looking to the clock, the redhead noted that class was almost over, and while MJ was in her homeroom, the girl often stayed in the library the whole time. 

Natasha nodded, taking the sheet from the teen and looking it over. "Bye, MJ." 

She made sure to say bye instead of 'see you' or something along the lines of that. She'd never been one to lie, and wouldn't begin then.

MJ watched her for a moment, almost as if peering right into her thoughts, before shoving her hands in her pockets. 

"Bye, Miss Romanoff." 

The teacher watched her go, and a few short minutes later, the bell was ringing. Most students grabbed their things and filed out noisily, but her kids remained. 

Of course, not all of her students were in her last hour, so a few more trickled in as the minutes ticked by. 

The woman had what was classified as a small class, with only seven students, six without MJ. 

"Miss R, do you have candy?" Came an expected question from Abe, who lounged in a desk near the door, Cindy Moon across from him and also looking at her expectantly.

"Hm. I'm starting to think you guys are using me for candy." The young woman teased, pulling open her desk drawer to pull out seven pieces of candy. 

She tossed them to the kids one by one, them either catching them or failing drastically. 

When she got to Peter, she tossed two. "Give that one to MJ when you see her, okay?" The boy blinked in shock, but nodded. 

Natasha was confused for a moment at his reaction. He seemed hesitant to go near MJ. Why didn't he want to be near the girl? Did he have a crush on her or something? 

Beside Peter, both Ned and Loki snickered. From the way they looked at each other afterward, the redhead assumed it was for different reasons. 

"Auntie Nat, Dad wanted to know if you're coming for dinner on Sunday like you planned." Lila suddenly questioned, slouched in her seat as she propped her feet up on the one opposite to her.

"I don't think I'll make it, Sweetheart. You tell your parents I love them, though." Natasha responded softly, a small smile on her face. 

"What, why? You always come." She whined. 

"I'm sorry, Lila. Something's come up." The woman said, rubbing at her thigh for a moment. 

"Ugh, fine. Come over next week, then?" 

Nat smiled lightly, but didn't respond. She noted distantly that she was smiling a whole lot more today than she normally ever did.

The redhead realized that she'd probably spaced out when the bell rang and the kids quickly began to pack up their things. 

"Bye guys!" She said instead of her usual 'See you Monday!', and she stood.

"Bye, Auntie Nat." Lila responded, quickly hugging her before rushing out of the room with her books in hand. 

Peter skipped over to give her a quick hug too, something he didn't normally do. "See you Monday, Miss Romanoff." He said earnestly, looking her straight in the eyes, before he too left the room.

Most of the others said their goodbyes and before she knew it, the room was empty beside herself.

Natasha looked at her desk, saw everything was neat and organized, and she walked from the class. 

She didn't have any meetings to attend today, thankfully, so she went straight to her car. 

She just sat in the driver's seat for a moment, looking at the building that she would never see again. It was slightly surreal, knowing that her end was coming, and that she was the one who would be causing it. 

Shaking her head, the young woman put her car in drive and took off back home. When she finally got there, she walked in almost robotically. 

She put her purse on the coffee table and stalked to her room, dropping onto her bed. The first thing she did was open her bedside drawer, pulling out the goodbye note. 

It was short and simple, something Clint would understand. With a small hum, she flattened it out on the table and stood. Next, she ambled toward her bathroom, where everything she'd need would be. 

Mechanically, the woman opened the cabinet and pulled out a bottle of painkillers, the seal not even broken. Next, a small silver razor, which she placed on the ceramic counter next to the pills. 

And finally, a simple bottle of water. She'd need something to down the medicine, right? Closing the toilet lid, she sat on it and cracked the seal on the water, taking a sip. 

She pulled a face. She couldn't do this, not with just water. She'd need something stronger. Something a lot stronger.

Nat resealed the bottle and left her supplies on the counter. Without a second glance, she hopped up and walked back out to the dining room, fishing her wallet from her purse, and walking out the door. 

The teacher found her way to the bar easy enough, plopping herself into a stool right up at the counter and pulling out a hundred dollar bill. 

"A vodka please, and keep them coming." She requested kindly to the bartender, who raised his brow but complied.

"Rough night?" 

"Something like that, Edwin." Natasha answered, having been there enough times to find out his name. 

"Want to talk about it?" 

She flashed a smile. "In all the time you've known me, have I ever been the talking type?" 

He raised his hands in surrender as she brought the glass to her lips. "Was just being a gentleman, Miss R." 

"Oh please, you're not one of my highschoolers. It's Nat, you know that." 

"Of course, Nat." 

And with that, the redhead was left alone with her alcohol, drinking it slowly. 

That was, until a man slid into the stool next to her. "Highschoolers, huh? You a teacher, Nat?" 

She rolled her eyes at the way he stressed her name, and turned her head to look at him. "It's Natasha." 

The man, a brunet with dark eyes and a goatee, placed his hand on his heart with a smile. "Ouch. You like the bartender more than me?" 

"He gives me alcohol." She reasoned. 

The man licked his lips, grinning. "Fair. Hey Jarvis, whiskey on the rocks, pretty please." 

"You got it, Sir."

Natasha raised her brows, downing the glass. "Sir? You his boss or something?" 

"Or something." The man said cheekily, picking up the glass that was slid to him and taking a drink.

Once he'd out it down, he gave her a once over. "I'm Tony."

"Nice to meet you, Tony." Nat stated flatly, eying him.

"You sure ain't giving off that vibe, Natasha." The man, Tony acknowledged. 

"You know, people don't tend to go to bars to chat." 

"Well, that's no fun." The brunet pouted, his eyes sparkling with mischief. 

"Sorry to burst your bubble." 

Tony barked out a laugh, and Natasha knew he was getting a kick out of her. "I like you." He decided, his voice playful as he leaned closer to her. 

Normally, the woman would have made him back off, would've told him to kiss his own ass, but not tonight. 

Looking him over, she knew most women would be dying to be hit on by him. He was attractive, seemed to be fit, and if the suit he was wearing and the watch on his wrist were any indication, he wasn't exactly poor. 

"That's nice." She responded finally, swirling her drink around. 

"How about you and I go back to my place, Sweetheart?" 

She almost snorted at the nickname, and saw amusement in Edwin's eyes. He must've thought Natasha would tell him to shove off soon. 

"My place and you've got a deal." She bargained, locking eyes with him. 

His face lit up. "You've got a deal."

* * *

It wasn't long before the pair were stumbling into her apartment, their lips locked and bodies flush together. Natasha's hands were wrapped around his back and tangled in his hair as she walked backwards, leading him to her room. 

The man's lips trailed to her neck as her hand turned the knob behind them, pushing the door open. The redhead gasped slightly, arching toward him. 

He chuckled, a deep sound, vibrating through his throat and chest. She would've snarked at him, but decided against it when they fell into her bed, him on top of her. 

They both were tugging at their clothes in seconds, pulling them off like they were being burned. "You sure, Sweetheart?" 

"Call me Sweetheart again and I won't be." Nat panted, pulling her shirt over her head. 

Tony laughed, throwing his had back, and discarded his own shirt on the ground along side hers. 

Immediately, she saw the scars on his chest and back. There weren't many, but there were just enough that it was clear he probably got hurt a lot. 

Natasha kicked her jeans off just as his suit pants pooled on the ground. 

His eyes traveled to her thighs. "You gonna ask about my scars?" She challenged. 

"You gonna ask about mine?" He shot back. With a grin, the teacher realized she liked this guys, and pulled his head down to hers, her eyes slipping closed. 

She arched upward so Tony could reach under her, unclasping her bra and throwing it aside like trash. Nat didn't mind. 

His lips once again traveled to her neck, then down farther, making her shudder in anticipation, shimmying out of her underwear as quick as she could. 

The brunet smirked at her when he looked up, and slipped out of his boxers. Natasha huffed as she eyed him, and watched him practically devour her with his eyes. 

Anybody could guess what occured next. 

* * *

Natasha woke with a soft groan, her face mushed against her pillow. A frown adorned her lips, and she shifted.

Her skin was cool, seeing as there wasn't a blanket over her like normal. Neither was she wearing clothes. 

The past night came to her in seconds, and she frowned harder, her head aching. There was nobody beside her, so Tony had likely taken off. 

She cursed herself silently for falling asleep, but knew her plan would work just as fine during daylight. 

Finally, the redhead peeled open her eyes, moving into a sitting position and rubbing at her forehead. 

Hopefully the painkillers would help. Nat snorted at the thought, and stood, wobbling over to her closet to pull on a pair of shorts and a T-shirt.

Before she could walk into her bathroom, she spotted something that made her pause. 

Her note to Clint was moved, upside down even. Her brows raised as she wandered over to it.

There was writing on it, presumably Tony's. Her eyes flicked over it in seconds. 

_Hey, Sweetheart. Caught sight of this while I was leaving. Don't know who this Clint guys is, but I'm sure he'd be upset to see you go. So would I. Call me. -Tony Stark_

Beneath the note, his number was scrawled, and Natasha bit her lip, frowning once again. 

She felt something then, something she hadn't felt in a while, uncertainty. 


	2. dancing in the dark, in the pale moonlight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> y'all are lucky i don't sleep honestly

Before last night, Natasha had never felt this hesitation, this reluctance before. Ever since she read Tony's short note, she couldn't make herself walk into her bathroom. 

She couldn't pick up that bottle of pills or the small blade, she couldn't do it. Something about him just. . . stuck with her.

The redhead wasn't normally the kind of person to have one night stands, but something made her glad she'd had that one. 

He was the only person to ever find out about her scars and not immediately freak out and threaten to lock her in a padded room. 

Hell, the only person who had known was her parents, her mother whom had died when she was a kid. 

It was because of that, that she didn't have the greatest relationship with her dad. The man had sent her to a psychiatric facility and placed her on suicide watch for weeks. 

He didn't understand her, and she didn't blame him, but she never opened up to him again.

Suddenly, Natasha's phone began ringing, jolting her from her thoughts. For a split second, she thought it might be Tony, but then realized that was impossible as he didn't have her number.

"Hello?" She mumbled as she answered it, pressing the device against her ear. 

" _Tasha! How come Lila said you're not coming to dinner tomorrow? We planned this out last week._ " Her best friend's loud voice assaulted her ear.

She winced, a slight hangover making her head pound. "Something came up, but , uh, I changed my mind. I'll be there." The woman replied quietly, groaning. 

" _Good. I was about to bribe you with Laura's lasagna. You have had her lasagna before, right? It's better than cocaine_." Clint laughed, and Nat smiled lightly. 

It was true, Laura's food was better than the crap she had at school every day by far. Her brow raised. "And just how would you know what cocaine is like, huh?" 

" _The circus was wild, Nat. I'm telling you_." He teased, and Natasha let out a half groan, half laugh. 

"I'm sure it was, Dumbass."

" _You sick or something? Your voice is all hoarse."_

"Mm, hangover. I got a bit tipsy last night." She admitted. 

" _Miss Romanoff_!" The man gasped, scandalized, " _Did you party? Tell me you went to a party. I bet you were all over the hot studs there. What were their names?"_

The woman rolled her eyes, falling back onto her bed. "It was one guy, and it wasn't at a party."

" _Oh my god! There was actually a guy? Seriously? Tell me all about him! Is he hot_?" Her friend demanded excitedly, and Nat found herself smiling as she stared up at the ceiling.

"His name's Tony. He's hot, rich, not judgy. Called me Sweetheart." 

Clint snickered. " _And you didn't kill him? He's one lucky man._ " He paused for a moment. " _Sweetheart_."

"Don't think that just because you're my friend, I won't knee you where the sun don't shine." Natasha snarked, pulling her feet up. As she did so, she felt a piece of cloth brush against her right foot.

" _First off, I'm hurt. Second off, you're an English teacher, Nat, clearly you know that ain't proper English_." He shot back ecstatically.

"Neither is 'ain't'." The redhead mumbled, distracted as she sat up, swiping up what had touched her foot. 

A smirk pulled at the corners of her lips. It was Tony's tie. And he clearly hadn't left it on accident. 

_"What's up? Am I losing you?"_ Clint questioned, sensing her distraction. 

"Yeah, sorry. I've gotta go." 

" _You gonna call up this Tony guy_?"

"Yeah, yeah. Laugh it up. See you tomorrow, Clint."

" _Bye, Sweetheart_." He hung up before she could snap at him.

Natasha dropped her phone on her bed, looking at the tie. It was a simple black one that matched the suit he was wearing, and it smelled faintly of cologne. 

Her eyes narrowed in suspicion and she brought it closer to her face, taking a whiff. Was that Axe body spray? Seriously? Wasn't he supposed to be rich or something?

A laugh of disbelief fell from her lips, and she discarded the tie on the bedstand table, swiping up her phone again. 

The redhead found the note, her eyes flicking over Tony's words for the millionth time, before she assured herself that she had the number right, and dialled it into her phone, pressing call.

" _Howdy. Who's speaking?_ " Came a familiar voice. Natasha rolled her eyes. Howdy? Really?

"Natasha." She said simply. 

" _Sweetheart! I just knew you'd call! Have you fallen desperately in love with me? You just need to be by my side_?" The brunet drawled. 

"Axe body spray. Really?" She emphasized flatly, ignoring him. 

" _W-What_?" He stuttered, shocked at her words. 

"I'm around teenagers every day. I know what Axe body spray smells like." The woman explained with a small huff. 

He was silent for a solid ten seconds. " _Okay_ ," Tony's voice was awkward, " _not the call I expected."_

"Sorry to burst your bubble." Natasha stated, knowingly repeating herself from the night before. 

_"I like you_." He laughed, catching on. 

"So you've said. I'm assuming you'll want your tie back?" The woman was glad they were just talking on the phone so he couldn't see her grin.

" _Mm, yeah. It's my only one, I can't afford another_." He said, his voice airy and full of mirth. 

"Clearly. It's not like you own that bar, or wore super expensive clothing or anything." Nat returned, rolling her eyes. 

" _Not at all. Return it to me tomorrow? Lunch, at my place. I'll pick you up at Jarvis's bar."_ Tony offered. 

For some reason, Natasha said, "Yeah. Yes. I'll see you tomorrow." 

" _See you, Sweetheart._ " Just like Clint, he hung up before she could reply. 

Biting her lip, Natasha set her phone down once again and stood. She didn't move for a moment, just standing there, before she finally stalked toward her bathroom. 

There on the counter were the things she'd left there last night. Not even looking at them, she put them back in the cabinet. 

* * *

The next day, Natasha sat in Edwin's bar, wearing a low-cut, knee length black dress and flats. She'd never been one for heels, didn't care if men thought she should wear them. 

"Going somewhere fancy, Miss Nat?" Edwin conversed, cleaning out a glass. 

"A date. Tony left an impression." She shrugged, giving up on just having the British man call her by her name. 

Before the bartender could say anything, someone was leaning against the bar in front of her. "I left an impression? I'm touched."

"Never said it was a good one." The redhead said smoothly, standing up. She noted his lack of tie with a slight smile, and held out her hand, which contained the tie he'd left on her floor. 

"You wound me, Sweetheart." Tony mocked, securing it around his neck. 

"I'll wound you a lot more if you keep up with that nickname." Nat threatened with a warning smile. 

"Ah, you know you love it." The brunet winked, holding his arm out for her, "M'lady."

She took his arm, letting him lead her from the bar. She missed Edwin winking at Tony from behind her. 

"So, where's this place of yours?" The question slipped from her lips before she could stop herself, but he didn't seem to mind. 

"Just ten minutes away, we'll be there soon." Tony answered, opening the back door of the sleek black Audi parked out front. 

She slid in gracefully and watched him slide in next to her, closing the door. "We're good, Hap. Happy, this is Sweetheart. Sweetheart, this is my driver, Happy."

Imagining different ways she could castrate him, Natasha smiled sweetly at the driver. "Hi Happy, you can call me Nat."

Tony squawked in offense while Happy merely nodded at her. "And I'm more than just your dr-"

"Shush, driver, I'm pouting." Tony said, pretending to be upset.

Happy rolled his eyes, and it wasn't long before he was peeling off down the road. "You're acting like a child, Tony." The redhead pointed out. 

"I happen to know you love kids." He shot back cheekily. 

Her brow raised. "How?"

"Well, you're a teacher! Someone that didn't like kids wouldn't be a teacher for long." The brunet reasoned. 

She had to admit, he had her there. When she didn't respond, a smirk spread across Tony's lips. 

Once Natasha's attention was brought to his lips, she couldn't get her mind of them, remembering just where his lips had been the other night. 

He seemed to notice what she was thinking, meeting her eyes and licking his lips suggestively. 

The teacher cleared her throat, keeping her eyes forward. A soft laugh rumbled in his chest, and Nat noticed a warm feeling at the sound. 

"So, Stark. You wouldn't happen to be related to a Peter's would you?" She suddenly conversed, her legs crossed. 

"My son. You know him?" Tony responded, seeming surprised. 

"Mhm. He's one of my favorite students." 

Suddenly his face changed. "You're Miss Romanoff." 

Natasha tilted her head, nodding. "You're his favorite teacher. He talks about you all the time." 

A smile flickered on her lips. "He's one of the brightest kids I know. I'm glad to have him in my class."

"You know, I can't _wait_ for conferences." As the words left his mouth, Natasha realized she was excited for them too, just to see him there. 

It was then that she realized, Tony Stark had inadvertently saved her life.

Within minutes, they were pulling up to a very expensive looking penthouse, and Tony opened the door, sliding out. 

He reached for her, helping her out, and closed the door behind them. "I didn't say it yet, but you look lovely, Miss Romanoff." He whispered, leaning so close that his breath tickled her ear. 

"You as well, Mr. Stark." She returned, shifting so her red waves fell into her face. 

He didn't need to see her blush. 

When the approached the door, Natasha watched Tony put in a slightly long code to open the door. As it opened, he looked to her with a large smile. 

Holding his hand out for her, he stepped inside. She took his hand, and she followed him. 

They took an elevator up however many floors it was to his living area, and it opened up to a beautifully furnished living room and kitchen, with doorways and doors to other rooms obviously, but the redhead's eyes were immediately drawn to the table. On it were cliché-looking dishes of a mystery food covered with silver covers, and a bottle of wine. 

It was becoming increasingly clear as she looked around, how wealthy he was. Her brows practically shot to her hairline as she finally heard the quiet music playing in the background, and she turned to him. 

"What? What's a first date without romantic music?" He asked rhetorically, leading her over and pulling out her chair for her. 

"Ever the gentleman." She teased, noting that his demeanor had changed from the night they'd met, just slightly. 

"Well, if I'm gonna make you fall in love with me, I gotta lay on the charm." Tony explained as he sat down across from her. 

"Oh, I see." The woman replied in a sarcastic tone. Then, her eyes traveling to the covered dish in front of her, "What are we eating?"

The brunet grinned, lifting the covers delightedly and dramatically. " _Penne alla vodka_. It's an Italian pasta dish, and I figured since you like vodka so much. . ."

Natasha's eyes widened slightly at his thoughtfulness. "You made this?" 

"You seem shocked. Yes, I made it. It was my mother's recipe." Tony said, a wistfulness in his eyes. 

Her face softened, understanding his loss. "I'm sorry." 

He waved his hand. "It's fine. Wine?" He giggled slightly at his rhyme, and poured her a glass as she accepted kindly. 

The teacher didn't hesitate to dig into the food, her eyes widening slightly at how amazing it was. "Your mother must've been an amazing cook." She commented meeting his eyes. 

He snorted. "That's an understatement. I'd sell my sould just to taste her cannoli again."

"You can't remake it?" Nat inquired, frowning slightly. 

Tony sighed. "Nobody can make it like her, not even me. Anyway, enough about my mom. Favorite color?" 

She blinked in shock, nearly choking on the sip of wine she was taking. "What?"

"I need to know what emojis to put next to your name in my phone. So, favorite color?"

She blinked at him again. "Black."

He nodded. "Boring, but I can work with that. Mine's blue, you know, just in case you were wondering." 

Natasha was beginning to realize that Tony my wasn't like any other guy she'd ever met. 

"Why blue?" 

"Oh, because it's Pete's favorite. Why black?" 

"My cat, Ebony." 

His eyes met hers, and for a split second he looked dead inside. "You named your black cat, black."

"Not exactly. Ebony is a synonym." 

The man threw his head back in a laugh. "You are definitely an English teacher." 

"So everyone keeps saying." Nat's eyes traveled from Tony's to the decor on the walls, finally landing on a large portrait. 

Tony looked a few years younger in it, as did the boy in it, Peter. There was someone else, a woman that she didn't recognize, in it. 

He followed her gaze, his eyes softening.

"Peter's mom?" She asked softly.

He nodded. "Her name was Pepper. She died when Peter was only six in an accident."

"I'm so sorry, Tony." Natasha said sincerely, resting her hand on his. He gave her a grateful look. 

"Thank you. You're the only one to actually ask about her, you know?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean," he began as she finally pulled her hand back, "of the few girl's I've seen since she passed, you're the only one to ask about Pep. The others were too scared to say anything I guess." 

"Is that a bad thing?" 

He tilted his head. "Nah. Like I said, I like you. Besides, any girl I'm seeing oughta know about her and Peter."

"Am I just any girl?" She asked innocently, taking another bite of the wonderful pasta that Tony had prepared. 

"Of course not! You're my soulmate, Sweetheart!" And he was back. 

She hid her grin behind the glass of wine. "Is that so? Well, how do you know?"

"Well, I guess the first thing is that you aren't afraid to snark back with me. It's one of the reasons I like you." 

"I'm not afraid to snark at anyone."

 _"Ouch_ , you're making it seem like I'm not special, Sweetheart." He said, sticking out his bottom lip in an exaggerated pout. 

"I'm serious about that nickname, you might find a knee somewhere the sun doesn't shine soon." Natasha said coolly, watching him. He didn't need to know she'd used that threat yesterday and that she had changed it slightly so he didn't give her the same comment Clint had. 

"I'll make sure to watch out." Tony winked for the second time that day. 

The redhead barely had time to roll her eyes before the Italian man across from her was gasping and jumping up. 

"What? What is it?" Nat demanded, sitting up. 

"I love this song! C'mon, get up! Dance with me!" As he spoke he grabbed her hands, pulling her up. 

She blinked in confusion as he spun her around. "Do you even know what this song is?"

"Nope." He smacked his lips on the 'p', grinning at her. "I just wanted to dance with you."

She didn't say anything, but she shifted, wrapping her arms around his neck. Tony smiled softly, situating himself so one hand rested on her waist, the other on her hip. 

"I don't normally do this." Natasha admitted as he swayed them a bit too ecstatically. 

"Do what? Dance with a fabulous dance partner?" 

"Go on dates. You're the first in a while." The woman clarified.

He merely hummed, not having a response. As the minutes ticked by, they slowly gravitated closer, not dancing so goofily anymore. 

"That note I found," Tony began suddenly, his voice quiet and hesitant, "what made you decide to. . . you know?" 

Natasha took a breath, sighing. Her head was resting against Tony's chest now, and her eyes found the wall. 

"Nothing, really. I don't know. I just decided I was done." 

"And now?" He questioned. 

"Now what?"

"Are you still done?" If it weren't for the way Tony had acted before he knew what she was planning, she might've thought he only asked her out because he knew what she was planning. 

"No. I'm not done." Nat answered delicately. 

Tony nodded then. "You ever feel done again, call me, okay?"

The woman hummed, but didn't respond. If she was really done again, Tony wouldn't be stopping her. 

He reared back a bit, and Natasha did as well, looking him in the eyes. "In fact, you can call me whenever you want. Even if you don't have a reason to." 

She saw a hint of suggestion in his eyes, but she also saw raw sincerity. She nodded. 

Something suddenly switched in Tony. "So, I was thinking, since we're soulmates and all, how would you like to date me? He questioned. 

Nat raised a brow. "Are we not on a date right now?" 

"No, no," he laughed, "I meant, would you like to be my girlfriend, Sweetheart?"

She had to hold in a laugh. She felt like one of her highschoolers. The redhead but her lip, badly concealing her grin. 

"Why not?" The girl teased.

Tony sighed dramatically. "All you do is wound me. I don't know if I'll make it." 

"What a tragedy." Natasha agreed, pretending to frown. 

Tony laughed at her, and before she could try to hide her smile again, his lips were on hers. 

The redhead didn't hesitate to bring her hands up to tangle into his short brown hair, her body pressing closer to his on instinct. 

She could taste the wine on his lips and smell it in his breath, and it was the most delicious think she'd ever tasted. 

By the time they finally pulled apart, they were both gasping for breath, having not decided that air was necessary during their make out session. 

Natasha laughed when she saw that her lipstick had smeared around his mouth, and she bit her lip. 

"What? What's funny?" He asked, making a face. 

"Your face." She insulted immediately. 

His brows raised. "You seemed to like my face a second ago." 

"Never said I didn't like it." She shrugged, pressing another soft kiss to his lips. 

It was strange, having a boyfriend. That was something she hadn't had in a while, but maybe it would be a welcome change. 

She thought he was about to devour her right then and there from the way he was looking at her, but his phone suddenly rang, and he gave her a sheepish smile, stepping back to answer it. 

"Hello?"

His face changed in an instant. "I'll be there." Nat blinked at him. He hung up the phone on whoever had called. 

"I'm so sorry, we'll have to cut this short. There was an incident at work, someone got hurt." He explained, ushering her to the elevator. 

"Oh, I hope they're okay." She said as it began lowering. 

"I'm sure they will be. Please forgive me, I have to go now. Happy will take you home." He said, sincere sadness on his face. 

"Of course, I understand. Raincheck?" 

"You got it. Text me later. See you, Sweetheart." Tony said, rushed. 

The redhead left without another word, greeting Happy with a kind smile, and looking out the window to Tony, who climbed into the driver's seat of another car, speeding off. 

This day had gone differently than she expected but it was far from bad. The ride back to her apartment was silent, except her polite goodbye as she climbed out. 

The day felt surreal, just like Friday had. Before she even had the chance to take s step toward her door, her phone went off, a text. 

Natasha looked down at her phone. 

_Clint: Dinner is cancelled, sorry. An emergency came up at work._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter title from summertime sadness by lana del rey


	3. just a chance that maybe we'll find better days

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> honestly it's becoming a habit of mine to stay up until like 4 writing this story

When Loki Odinson failed to show up at school the next day, Natasha was puzzled. The black haired boy never even took a sick day. She could remember countless times he'd been coughing all over his desk but still did his work. 

(She wiped it down with disinfectant wipes once he'd left.)

The minute class started and the boy wasn't there, Nat frowned slightly. She took attendance, marking him absent, and informed the students of the chapters they needed to read of their books. 

"I know I don't usually give due dates, but for this to work, you've all got to have these chapters read by next week. I'll explain where we'll go from there, then." Her words had a slight distracted tone to them, and when the kids began chattering quietly amongst themselves, the redhead began toward her desk, stopping by Peter's on the way. 

"Do you know where Loki is, Peter?" She questioned quietly. 

His chocolate brown eyes snapped up to her, slight alarm in them, and he grinned nervously. "I heard he had a family emergency."

Natasha nodded, thanking him, and went back to her desk to sit down. As she began to grade the papers from the day before, the ones who'd been turned in anyway, her mind traveled. 

That sure was a whole lot of emergencies in such a short amount of time. She was pretty sure whatever emergency Tony had had something to do with the family emergency Loki had. 

Clint, she wasn't so sure about, though. There was no way her best friend knew her new boyfriend. Then again, she didn't know where either of them worked or what they did. . . It was possible they worked together and she just didn't know it, right?

"Auntie Nat." Lila drawled, leaning against her desk. 

The teacher's attention was drawn to her niece and she raised her brows. "Yes?"

"I'm _so_ mad at Dad." The teen sighed, propping her head in her hands. 

"Why? What did he do this time?" She asked, looking back to the papers in front of her. 

"He told us you changed your mind about coming to dinner and then _he_ cancelled it! He had to go in to his stupid work, and now I'm mad at him." Lila explained, frowning. 

"He said it was an emergency, Honey, he couldn't help it." Natasha tried to reason. 

"He should've just left and let you come anyway." She grumbled, earning a snort from the woman. 

"How about you reschedule for us? Talk with your parents, then give me a date and time, and I'll be there."

"You promise?" Lila's face lit up. 

"Of course."

Natasha didn't lie, after all. Surprisingly, MJ didn't ask to go down to the library, instead chosing to stay in her seat and read her book. 

Even when the bell rang and homeroom began, the girl stayed. It was a rarity. Nat sure was seeing a lot of rarities lately.

Suddenly, she felt her phone vibrate in her pocket. Seeing as she let her students use their phones during homeroom, she decided that it would be okay to check hers. 

It was a text from Tony, and Natasha immediately rolled her eyes. 

_Tony: Hey Sweetheart ;)_

_Tony: Oh shit you're at school, nevermind ignore that._

Shaking her head slightly, she quickly typed out a response. 

_Natasha: School is almost over, I can talk. What's up?_

He shot back a reply instantly. 

_Tony: Nothing at all. Just felt like messaging my wonderful soulmate_.

A snort escaped her before she could stop it, and she glanced up to see Lila eying her. 

"Who are you talking to?" 

"No one you know, Honey." The redhead answered, looking back to her phone. 

_Natasha: Did everything end up okay yesterday?_

_Tony: Huh?_

_Natasha: With the person that got hurt?_

_Tony: Oh, yeah. One of my coworkers messed up his shoulder, but he's alright._

Nat tilted her head, puzzled. Why would a shoulder injury require Tony to go in? As far as she knew, he wasn't a doctor. 

Biting her lip, she began to realize just how little she knew about this man. 

_Tony: How's Pete doing?_

The woman glanced at said boy, who was talking quietly to Ned with a small smile. 

_Natasha: He's fine. Talking to his friend. You know, if you just needed someone to look after your son, you could've hired a babysitter._

The redhead licked her lips in amusement as she awaited his response. 

_Tony: Oh Sweetheart, do you not feel special?_

Natasha scoffed, narrowing her eyes. Before she could shoot off a snarky reply, yet another message came through.

_Tony: Clearly you're special to me, Natasha, your name in my phone is "Sweetheart 💙🖤"._

She couldn't help it, she laughed. At that, most of the kids looked to her. "Did Miss R just _laugh_?" Abe asked Cindy flatly, like the woman couldn't hear him. 

"Careful what you say. It might cost you candy." Natasha warned. 

He gasped dramatically. Before he could even ask, she pulled out a few chocolate bars and tossed them to them all. 

Only MJ actually caught hers. Nat brought her attention back to her phone. 

_Natasha: That's nice. Yours is "Dumbass_ ".

It was a lie, of course. She blinked as she realized what she'd done, and quickly changed it to that for real. 

_Dumbass: And here I thought we had something special. :(_

The redhead found his use of emoticons slightly adorable, but she would never admit that. 

_Dumbass: Okay so I lied earlier, I do actually have a reason for messaging you._

_Natasha: What is it?_

_Dumbass: I felt bad yesterday for cutting things short, so can we have a do over?_

_Natasha: Of course. I told you, I understood why you had to go._

As she typed it, she realized she wasn't sure if that was true. She couldn't figure out why Tony would have to go to a coworker's aid that had a hurt shoulder. 

_Dumbass: Great! Dinner tomorrow at Del Posto?_

She could vaguely recall hearing of the restaurant, and a warm feeling settled in her chest at the thought of seeing him again so soon.

_Natasha: I'll meet you there. Does 6:30 sound good?_

_Dumbass: Sure does._

Tony's reply came just as the bell rang, and Natasha glanced up, watching the kids start packing up. 

"See you all tomorrow!" The woman called, standing. 

Various versions of "Bye, Miss R!" rang out, and after a quick hug to Lila, and another surprise one from Peter, the room was empty. 

Nat watched Peter go, frowning at the back of his head. She had no problem with hugging her students, but she didn't understand why Peter suddenly began hugging her out of the blue. 

He was a creature if habit. 

_Natasha: Hey, did you say anything to Peter?_

She wouldn't mind if he had, but she was just curious. 

_Dumbass: No, not yet. Why?_

_Natasha: No reason._

* * *

The next day, after school ended (with another hug from Peter, this one not a surprise), Natasha stood in front of her closet with her hands on her hips and her eyes narrowed. 

She had no clue what to wear to such an expensive restaurant. The woman had plenty of fancy clothes, of course, but for once in her life, she didn't know what to wear. 

Why did she care what she wore? She never cared before. Shaking her head with a scowl, Nat grabbed two dresses out, a white and black one, and a deep red one. 

"What do you think, huh?" She questioned rhetorically as Ebony strolled into her room, leaping onto her bed gracefully.

"You're right." The teacher stated, nodding like the cat had said something, and put the red one back. 

She put it on easily enough, and after slipping on another pair of black flats, she walked into her bathroom to throw on a little light makeup.

The redhead opened the cabinet to grab her makeup, when she froze, eyes locked on the blade that she'd put back in there days ago. 

With a harsh breath, Natasha swallowed and looked away. She didn't need makeup.

Considering that the restaurant was miles away, she didn't walk this time, instead driving to her destination. 

When she arrived, she immediately knew that Tony was already there, recognizing the black Audi from their first date. 

Exiting her car, the teacher made her way inside and was greeted by a kind waiter, who asked if she had a reservation. 

Knowing Tony, she said Stark and was immediately ushered to the back of the restaurant where Tony waited, eyes lighting up at the sight of her. 

She sat down across from him, taking a quick look around the place. "Fancy tastes, huh?" She teased. 

"Yep. Only the best for my Sweetheart." Tony teased cheekily. 

Natasha didn't even bother rolling her eyes, and she sat back, picking up the menu in front of her. 

Tony didn't touch his. "Are you going to watch me eat?" She inquired flatly. 

"Nah. I've been here a million times, I already know what I want." 

Glancing over the food choices, she noted that they were all in Italian, with English translations underneath. "So you know Italian, I'm guessing?" She conversed as she set the menu down, meeting his eyes. 

"You're kidding, right?" His eyes twinkled with amusement and he sat up straighter. "What do you want to order?"

Natasha's eyes flicked from the paper to her boyfriend. "I'll try the chestnut ravioli, I guess." 

The waiter, very conveniently, chose that moment to walk over. "May I take your orders?"

Tony, shooting a wink at Nat, said, " _Prenderò il Garganelli al Ragú Bolognese, e la signora avrà i ravioli di castagne."_

The woman hid her sudden arousal, eying him with a completely neutral face. " _Certo signore."_ The waiter said, before disappearing to presumably give their orders off to the cooks. 

They sat in silence for a moment, neither knowing what to say, before Tony said something softly. "He said you were sad."

The woman's brows furrowed as she looked to him.

"Peter. Last night he said that on Friday you looked sad, so he's been giving you a hug every day to make you feel better." The brunet clarified, an unreadable expression on his face. 

God, Peter was so pure. Natasha looked down, blinking rapidly to hide her watering eyes, and cleared her throat so her voice didn't sound thick when she spoke. 

"The highlight of my day." 

The man let out a quiet snort. Then they fell into silence once again. Tony looked conflicted for a few moments, before looking up and meeting her eyes. "You were really going to do it, weren't you?"

She wouldn't lie. "I was." 

"And what stopped you?" He asked, seeming apprehensive, almost afraid of the answer. 

She'd admitted it to herself already, of course, but she wasn't one to normally open up so fast. With Tony, it felt like things just kept getting faster and faster. 

Taking a small breath, Natasha met his gaze with an equally intense stare. "You."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if u wanna know what dress nat is wearing, imagine the one she was wearing during the party in aou
> 
> also, sorry for the shorter chapter and overuse of texting, but if it's any consolation, the plot will start picking up in the next few chapters :)


	4. meet me in the afterglow

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> first off, im sorry about not posting yesterday, i was working on another ironwidow story,(which yall will learn about soon, don't worry) and for some reason this chapter just took me all day to write? i finally finished it at midnight tho, and even though it's short i hope you guys like it :)

Tony Stark woke up to what he normally did, his son trying to be quiet in the kitchen. The man stared blankly at the ceiling as he heard a crash and a yelp. 

Peter was nothing if not clumsy. He sighed and got up, grabbing his phone from his nightstand and unplugging it. 

After shooting off a quick " _Good morning, Sweetheart ;)"_ text to his girlfriend, he shoved his phone in his pocket and shuffled out of his room and down the small set of stairs to the living room and kitchen. 

"How did you even manage to knock over a chair making cereal?" Tony asked, deadpanned, and the teenager froze, looking to his dad with wide, alarmed eyes. 

"I couldn't reach the cupboard." Peter said meekly, a spoon in his mouth and his legs tangled in the fallen chair. 

The man sighed, walking over and pulling his son up from the floor, setting him beside him and putting it back on its legs. 

"Thanks, Dad." The boy said brightly, grabbing the box of cereal that had fallen on the counter and prancing over to the other lower cupboard where he grabbed a bowl.

Before he could respond, Tony heard his phone ping from his pocket and pulled it out. As expected, it was her.

_Sweetheart 💙🖤: Morning Dumbass_

He snickered at that, putting it back in his pocket, and stood on the tips of his toes to grab another box of cereal. While the teen ate corn flakes, without sugar even, Tony had taste. Reece's Puffs were clearly better. 

So with their respective breakfasts, they sat at the table and began eating. "So, who is it?" Peter questioned, his mouth full as he peered into his dad's eyes. 

"Who's who?"

"The person you're texting all the time. You don't even message Uncle Rhodey that much." The boy clarified, eying Tony suspiciously. 

"How do you know it isn't Uncle Rhodey?" He shot back, raising a brow. 

"I saw you take a selfie with a kissy face, Dad. You love him, but not that much." Peter returned flatly. 

Tony snorted. "Alright, alright. I met someone a few weeks ago." He explained, eying the kid for a reaction.

Peter narrowed his eyes, chewing slower. "Someone?" He dragged the word out, not understanding.

"A woman, Pete." The man clarified, rolling his eyes at his cluelessness.

"Oh. _Oh_." The curiosity left him, and his face changed, just a bit, but enough for Tony to understand exactly what was going through his head. 

"Hey. Hey, kiddo, look at me." The brunet boy met his dad's eyes hesitantly. "Listen, I know I haven't really been with anyone else since Mom, not for this long." He sighed, running his hand down his face, feeling a pang of hurt at the mention of his late wife. 

"I loved Pepper, I still do and always will. And she won't replace her, alright? Nat could never replace your mom, but I care about her, alright?"

Peter nodded slowly, biting his lip. Then his head snapped up, eyes wide. " _Nat_? As in- As in Natasha? Natasha Romanoff? My English teacher?" He cried. 

"How did you get that from 'Nat'?" Tony inquired, lips twitching upward in amusement. 

"Miss R has been messaging someone during homeroom all the time! I swear she's smiled more the past few weeks then the last two months of school." 

"So, when the school year started?" His father asked, his eyes lighting up. 

"Mhm. She's not really an emotional person, except with her niece. Even then, she's not all smiley." Peter stated, and he suddenly seemed to be thinking about something.

"What is it, _bambino_?" 

"You've both been happier. I haven't really seen you like that since. . ." The teen trailed off, his eyes sad. 

Tony gave a pained, comforting smile, and he got up to hug his kid. Peter met him in the middle, and he sniffled into his father's chest. 

"I miss her so much, Dad." He whimpered. 

"I know, buddy. I know."

After a few more minutes of quietly holding each other, Peter was headed off to school, and Tony was still sitting in the kitchen. 

With a heavy sigh, he shot off a text to Natasha.

_Tony: Just a heads up, I told Peter about us._

* * *

Nat had been thinking about Tony's text all day. When she saw it, she'd immediately assured Tony that that was okay and that she wasn't upset. After all, he would have found out at some point, he was his kid after all. 

Just like normal, her mood improved just slightly when her last class of the day began, and her eyes immediately landed on Peter. 

The boy didn't meet her eyes when he walked into the classroom, but as she instructed the kids on their assignment, she could feel his eyes on her multiple times.

He was clearly thinking on something, and Natasha knew she'd need to talk to him. 

Once she was done talking, and after she passed out the worksheets, she settled into her seat and eyed Peter. 

He got right to work, as did most of the other students, but the teacher didn't have anything to do. She'd stayed up most of the previous night to grade all the assignments she'd yet to get to, and like most of the time, she had all of her work done. 

Normally she would be texting Tony, could even feel her phone vibrating in her pocket with his excessive messages, but she ignored them in favor of eying Peter. 

The class ended soon enough, and Natasha pulled the candy out of her desk, getting up to hand them out. Normally, she would've tossed them, but she had a goal in mind. 

The redhead got to Peter last, sliding into the empty desk beside him. She was sure the other students were curious, but she payed them no mind and spoke lowly enough that only the kid heard what she said. 

"So, your dad told me that he told you." The brunet met her eyes and nodded, smiling slightly. "And how do you feel about that?"

He blinked in shock, clearly not expecting her to ask that, and opened and closed his mouth like a fish. 

"It's okay?" The boy voiced it like a question, his brows furrowed. 

Nat raised her brow. "You can be honest with me, Peter. I won't be upset." She assured softly, her hand on his arm. 

His face changed then, and something like determination swirled in his eyes. "I mean it. I'm okay with it." The woman opened her mouth to respond, but decided against it and let him continue. "You make each other happy. You smile a lot more, and Dad's been more cheerful too."

She was slightly surprised at that, taking it in. She'd thought Tony had always been. . . the way he was. 

He smiled at her. "I'm glad you're making him happy, Miss R," she sensed a but, "but," sure enough, "if you hurt my dad, I won't be happy."

Natasha briefly wondered what a skinny little kid like him could do to hurt her, but she pushed the thought away, grinning in amusement. "I would never willingly hurt Tony, Peter." She meant it with everything in her. 

She hadn't even been dating him a month (though they were nearing the date), but she cared about him, a bit deeper than she'd admit. 

It wasn't often she cared about someone so quickly and so much, hadn't since she met Clint. While her relationship with him was purely platonic, she knew that she loved him just months after meeting him in highschool. 

"I know. Just making sure." The boy responded with a small grin. 

Natasha huffed out a quiet laugh and stood, ambling back over to her desk. The rest of the period, she messaged Tony and scrolled through Tumblr.

(What could she say? The disturbed website had her type of humor.)

When the bell finally rang, signaling the end of the school day, the kids all packed up, and Cindy and Abe sprinted out of the room. From the way they were pushing each other and laughing, Nat could guess they either liked each other or were dating. 

After hugging her niece, and then Peter, she watched them go once again. Right before the boy could leave the room, though, she called out to him. 

"Yeah, Miss R?"

Meeting his eyes, she tried her best at a comforting smile. "Call me Nat."


	5. laughing till the morning comes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> chapter title from welcome to wonderland by anson seabra, i hope you guys like this :)

The next few days following Natasha and Peter's discussion had a light feeling about them. 

She hadn't thought about the scars on her hips and waist since a few days after meeting Tony, and not that she would admit it to anyone, but she was happy. 

For a while, she'd just gone through her days with fake smiles and numb feelings. But lately, she found herself smiling, real smiles, and laughing at little things. Like the way Tony still called her Sweetheart and the way Peter stumbled over his words when he accidentally called her Miss R for the millionth time. 

She could go a few days without seeing Tony and still perk up when she even thought of him. And Peter, Peter made her feel something strange. 

It was something she couldn't place, something she'd never had before. She'd figure it out, though, she always did. 

Even now she was being influenced by Tony, humming to a tune she couldn't quite recall and moving gracefully around her kitchen with Ebony resting on her shoulder lazily. 

Natasha had a plan for the following day that she'd yet to tell Tony about, but she had a feeling he'd love it. Just as she finished what she was doing, there was a sudden knock on the door and Ebony shifted, her tail flicking back and forth in annoyance. 

The teacher rolled her eyes at the cat's antics and put everything away, then wandered over to her door. She opened it only to blink in shock as Tony's suited self stood there with a dazzling smile. 

"Hey there, Sweetheart. Got any plans today?" He asked, leaning against the door frame with his hands in his pockets. 

She raised her brows and Ebony leapt from her shoulder, wandering off into the apartment. "No. Do you have any tomorrow?" She retorted. 

He blinked, huffing out a laugh. "Just planning on staying home with Peter. Now, come with me." The man replied. 

Nat furrowed her brows. "Where are we going?" 

"My place. Spend the night with me." Tony worded it like a question but it still managed to come out as a statement. 

Her brows practically shot to her hairline. "Didn't you just say Peter would be home?" 

The brunet barked out a laugh, eying her amusedly. "I didn't mean it like that, but now that I think about it, our walls are soundproof." He waggled his eyebrows and Natasha held back another eye roll, smirking. 

"What did you have in mind?" The woman questioned curiously, crossing her arms over her chest. 

It was Friday evening so she'd went home and put on a random tank top and cotton shorts that left her sort of exposed. 

"Peter suggested a movie, and I'm thinking we go for breakfast in the morning." Tony explained, looking her over not so discreetly. 

Natasha snorted and dropped her arms, gesturing for him to come in. Taking the hint, the man stepped in and closed the door behind him. 

"I've gotta change real quick, then we can go." She told him, wandering over to her room and pulling open her closet.

When she began to strip, Tony whistled from behind her. "Damn. Your guy must be one lucky man." He teased, his voice full of mirth. 

"That he is." The redhead shot back, pulling on a light blue sweater and a pair of jean shorts. It wouldn't be short weather for long and she was milking it for all it had. 

"Alright, let's go." She said, pulling on a pair of shoes and striding over to her boyfriend. 

He grinned widely at her, pressing a quick kiss to her lips and pulling back to look in her eyes. Before she could say a thing, he was kissing her again, wrapping his arm around her back and pulling her close. 

Natasha smacked his chest to push him away slightly. "Peter is going to wonder why we're taking so long." She said exasperatedly. 

He pouted. "He's imaginative, he'd figure it out."

She smacked him again, this time on the arm. "Get your mind out of the gutter. Come on." 

Tony laughed, and the two careened out of the apartment.

* * *

"Honey, I'm home!" Tony sang dramatically as he and Natasha stepped out of the elevator, kicking his shoes off by the wall. 

Natasha shrugged and followed suit, following him into the kitchen. "Very funny, Dad. Can't you hear me laughing?" Came Peter's voice, and the boy popped out from his room, bounding over. 

"Hi, Miss R!" He greeted, his eyes lighting up. 

"Hi, Peter. What did I say?" 

The teen blushed, stuttering, "R-Right. Sorry, Nat."

She smiled, and Tony scoffed. "Seriously? Even he can call you Nat? What's it gonna take, Sweetheart?" He whined. 

Nat smiled sweetly. Leaning in like she was going to kiss him, she whispered, "Stop calling me Sweetheart, for one." And she pulled away with a devilish smirk. 

He let out a squawk of offense and Peter threw his head back and laughed. "So, what movie do you have in mind, Peter?"

"O-oh. You want me to join you guys?" The boy's face contorted in confusion. 

"It was your idea, wasn't it? C'mon, there's got to be something you want me to watch." The redhead chimed, her voice silvery.

A small smile flickered on his lips, and he looked to his teacher with a shy grin. "Well, um, have you seen Star Wars?"

"Nope. I'm assuming it's not about stars having wars?" 

Peter gaped, laughing. "You're joking, right? No, no, Star Wars is so amazing, Nat! There's only one thing you have to know, Han did not shoot first."

As the two chattered, Natasha with a pleasant smile and an amused glint in her eyes, and Peter with wild, ecstatic hand gestures and an overjoyed expression, they didn't notice Tony watching them, a soft look on his face. 

Something changed in him then, something cracked open wide in his chest. He couldn't think on it, though, couldn't process it because Peter suddenly pranced off into the living room. 

"What's he doing?" The man inquired, leaning against the counter.

"He is setting up the movie while we make popcorn. Where do you keep the kernels?" She emphasized, looking around. 

"Cupboard behind you. We watch movies all the time and Peter insisted we have a huge bucket of them at all times." Tony told her, and as she turned around, bending to grab it, the man took an appreciative view, smirking, and got the popcorn popper down, setting it on the counter. 

They didn't speak for a few minutes, just preparing the salty, buttery snack in silence. That was until Natasha suddenly looked around with narrowed, suspicious eyes. 

"What?" The man asked, frowning. 

"M&M's. Do you have any?" 

"Yeah? The kid's a candy addict. Why?" Tony responded questioningly, pulling out one of the large bags of M&M's from the snack cabinet. 

"You're telling me you've never had popcorn with M&M's? That's just a sad life, Tony." Natasha sighed in faux sadness, taking the bag from him and pouring a generous amount in. 

Once the bag was replaced into his hands, he blinked in surprise. She shook the bowl up a bit, candy mixing with the popcorn easily enough. 

"What. . . Where did you learn that? And _why?"_ Tony gaped as she wandered into the living area, where Peter waited. 

"It's called poor people snacks, Du- Uh, Darling." Nat fumbled over her words, smiling awkwardly. 

Peter snorted, rolling his eyes, while Tony gasped excitedly. "Nicknames? I knew you liked me, Sweetheart!" His hand was placed over his heart as he gave her an exaggeratedly sincere look. 

The woman flipped him off, dropping down onto the couch with a smile and handing the popcorn to the teen. 

Peter took it slowly, peering into it with a confused frown. "M&M's?"

"Just try it." Natasha urged as her boyfriend dramatically flopped onto the couch between them. 

His son spluttered angrily as popcorn bounced out of the bowl into his face. He glared, and Tony laughed. "You've got a little something in your hair, _cucciolo_." He teased. 

"I'm not a puppy." The boy grumbled, and he scooped up a small handful, shoving it into his mouth. 

His eyes lit up. "Can you make us snacks all the time?" 

She sighed. "Sadly, Peter, I have this thing called a job, and you have this thing called school."

The brunet boy groaned out a laugh and Tony smirked, pressing play on the movie. 

Leaning over to whisper in Nat's ear, Tony's lips brushed against her skin, "Tell him Han shot first and watch him lose his mind." 

The redhead shivered slightly at his touch, but nodded, keeping a neutral face. Within minutes, Peter was curled into his dad's side, the man's arm coming to wrap around him and rub soothing circles on his back. 

They hadn't done this before, hadn't done something with all three of them, and Natasha wasn't sure what to do. What if Peter didn't want her invading in their personal space? 

Seeing her internal dilemma, he held his other arm out for her, and she slowly settled into his side. 

None of them even remembered the popcorn by the time the scene got there, and Natasha noted that Peter was out cold, snoring into Tony's chest. 

Smiling softly, the teacher let herself drift off too.

* * *

She woke up comfortably for the first time in while. There wasn't a crick in her neck or a stiffness in her joints, nor did she wake up cold, alone. 

The redhead's eyes slowly fluttered open, and she found herself cuddled into Tony's side, his arm under her waist and wrapped around her, with her arm strewn over his chest. 

Their legs tangled together in the sheets, and a small smile tugged at her lips. This. . . This was something she could get used to. This was something good. 

"Mm, morning, Sweetheart." Tony rasped, his voice rumbling in his chest. Natasha looked up to find his lidded brown eyes watching her, a lazy grin on his face. 

"Hi." She said, for once not commenting on the nickname. (He was right, she did like it. Not that she'd admit it.)

"I could get used to this. Those pretty green eyes are a sight to wake up to." The brunet murmured, running his hand over her messy curls.

Nat sighed pleasantly. While she loved snarking with him, and making sarcastic comments, sometimes she needed a break. 

"How'd we get from the couch to your bed?" She inquired, blinking tiredly. 

"You fell asleep not long after Peter. I carried him to bed, then carried you." Tony answered, watching her. 

Natasha hummed. "Do we have to go out for breakfast?" To be honest, she didn't feel like leaving yet. 

"Mm, nah. We can probably order in."

She gasped, offended. "Are you kidding me? No way, José." The redhead suddenly felt a lot more awake, sitting up. 

Tony pouted, reaching for her, but she batted his hands away. "We are making breakfast, come on."

Standing, the woman dragged him out of bed. He groaned, trailing after her as she padded toward the kitchen. 

"Okay, can you make eggs?" Her voice suddenly changed to teacher mode, and Tony found himself strangely turned on. 

"That's about the only thing besides my mom's recipes that I can make." Tony conversed, already pulling the eggs from the fridge and the frying pan from the cupboard. 

"Great. I need bacon. Do you have bacon?" 

The Italian gave his girlfriend a flat look. "What do you think I am, a monster? Of course I have bacon." The man shook his head, once again opening the fridge to retrieve the best food on the planet and give it to her. 

Nat opened her mouth, presumably to ask him to get her something else, but decided against it, and began moving around the kitchen, pulling out various ingredients and pans. 

"Make yourself right at home." He teased as he put the frying pan on the burner and cracked an egg into it. His words had no bite, and if he was being honest, her living with them wouldn't be such a bad idea. . .

"Scrambled or fried?" Tony asked, clearing throat. 

She looked almost offended. "Fried. You have a lot of pans."

"Fried it is. And yes, yes I do. I haven't even used most of them. That one in your hands? It still has the sticker on it." 

Natasha laughed, her face bright, and removed the tag, washing the pan quickly of the stickiness the sticker left. 

"Does Peter like blueberries?" 

The man winced. "That would be a no. He's allergic." He explained. 

She winced in empathy. "Chocolate chip it is. Tell me, you ever had homemade pancakes?" 

Tony shook his head with a smile. "Not for a long time. Pep wasn't much of a chef either." His smile slowly faded. "Sorry, you don't want to hear that."

The woman stopped what she was doing, walking over to him with a frown. "Tony." He looked her in the eyes, "She was your wife. You love her. It's okay to talk about her, I promise." 

He smiled weakly. "Thank you, Nat." 

She walked back over to the pan that now held bacon, not meeting his eyes. "That's Sweetheart to you, thank you very much."

A wide grin broke out on his face. "You just gave me permission. I get to call you that forever now! Ha!"

"Don't make me take it back." She warned, aiming a whisk at his face. 

Pancake batter dripped onto the ground  
"Oops."

They laughed, their eyes meeting, and smiled. 

"Is that _bacon_? And pancakes? _Oh my god!_ "

* * *

"Are you going to tell me what we're doing?" Tony asked for the millionth time as Happy drove them to Natasha's apartment, the three sitting in the back. 

"Nope. It's a surprise." She sang, winking at Peter. The boy giggled then, and Nat gave herself a mental pat on the back. 

The redhead had insisted that Happy drive them, because they would be within walking distance of their destination once they got to her apartment, and they didn't need to go back for a car. 

(She also couldn't risk Tony deciding to just drive them there.)

"We're here. See you, Peter. Nat." Happy said, slowing the car to a stop. 

"Wha- And no goodbye for the man that pays you?" Tony squawked.

"I thought you were pouting, Boss." The driver said flatly. 

"It's been weeks, Happy! Actually, no, its been a little over a month!"

"And yet, you never seem to stop." The man retorted, his brow raised. 

Peter laughed, reaching forward to high five his uncle. 

"Hey," Tony warned, "Don't make me revoke your privileges." 

"What privileges?" The teen questioned as they climbed out of the car. 

"Being my favorite." His father answered, jogging up the steps to Natasha apartment. 

"That's okay. I'm Nat's favorite." Peter said cheekily. 

"That's right, you are." She smirked, wrapping an arm around his shoulder. 

"What about me?" 

"Eh, you're in the top ten, I'm sure." Natasha replied sweetly, unlocking her door and leading them in. 

Tony sighed heavily. "Well, darn. I guess I'll have to go find a new Sweetheart and kiddo." 

Peter snickered. "Yeah right. You love us too much." His attention quickly shifted to the apartment, and he looked around, missing the way both adults stiffened, eying each other, before looking away.

"Well, let me go change really quick and I'll be back out." The redhead told them, striding to her room and closing the door behind her. 

She quickly changed into a sundress that was such a light purple it looked almost white, and she wandered back out to the living area where Tony was poking Peter in the nose, a betrayed look on the boy's face. 

Not questioning it, Nat ambled over to the kitchen, pulling open her fridge and grabbing, quite literally, a basket. 

They both blinked at her. "Peter, grab that blanket off my couch, pretty please."

He did so hesitantly, handing it to her with a confused expression.

"We are going on a picnic." Natasha announced, and she handed the basket and blanket to Tony for a moment, placing a scoop of cat food in Ebony's bowl, who was hiding somewhere, and reclaimed the items from her boyfriend. "Now come on, boys."

They looked to each other, then shrugged and rushed to follow after her. Even with all their pestering, she didn't reveal where they were going, but it didn't take them long to find out when a park came into view. 

"You're shitting me." Tony gaped as she skipped over, laying the blanket on the grass. 

"Am not. Peter, come help me?" 

The teen quickly bounded over and sat down, crossing his legs as he opened the basket to reveal sandwiches, chips, and even a bit if fruit. Natasha settled on her knees, as she was wearing a dress, but Tony snorted, before also sitting down and crossing his legs. 

"The amount of suits I ruin for you." The man shook his head mournfully. 

She shrugged. "I never told you to wear a suit today."

"Well, I didn't know we'd be having a picnic." He grumbled. 

"Oh hush, grumpy. Make a choice Peter, you get two of the sandwiches. Choose wisely."

The boy immediately pulled out a turkey sandwich and a peanut butter and jelly one. Whereas Tony just took what Natasha handed him. 

"What, no choice for me?" 

"What can I say? Pete's my favorite." 

The kid snickered, taking a large bite out of the turkey sandwich and moaning. "Oh my gosh, it's been so long since I've had just a simple sandwich. This is amazing. You are a God, Nat." 

"This was your plan all along, huh? Seduce me and then steal my son away from me like some evil gremlin?" Tony grinned, eying her as he took a tentative bite out of the sandwich, nodding pleasantly when he discovered it was just ham and cheese.

"You got me. Just saw him in my class and knew I had to take him for myself." The woman shook her head dramatically, her face sorrowful. 

Peter giggled. "You guys can share me. Now stop being disgustingly lovey-dovey." 

"Got it. Now to be commendably lovey-dovey." Tony replied, promptly getting a half eaten turkey sandwich to the face. 

"Hey!"

"I literally spent like twenty seconds making that sandwich, Peter. I don't know if I'll ever forgive you." 

It seemed the three of them knew nothing but sarcasm and snark. Natasha snickered, a sudden thought on her mind as she pulled out a little container of strawberries. 

"What?" Tony poked his girlfriend in the side, tilting his head curiously. 

"Tony Snark." Was her response as she shoved a strawberry in her mouth. 

Peter cackled, and Tony squinted, tackling him. "Don't even, Peter Snark!"

Natasha smiled lightly as she watched him dig his fingers into the boy's sides, both of them laughing loudly. 

She'd never had this before, but she liked it. She wanted to keep it. 

Just then, a fat water droplet landed on her cheek. A visibly offended look took over her face. "Are you kidding me?" The redhead demanded, scowling up at the sky. 

"Huh?"

"We've been out here like ten minutes and it's starting to rain." Natasha complained, angrily packing the food away. 

"Woah, woah, woah, are my eyes deceiving me? Is that Natasha Romanoff complaining?" Tony gasped, only to be cut off by rain landing in his eye, making him blink and splutter, also glaring up into the air. 

"Let's go before it starts pouring, I don't want to get soaked." Peter stated, standing up. 

Tony followed suit, reaching down to pull Natasha up. She took his hand, disappointed and picked up the basket and blanket, shaking the grass from it. 

"M'lady." He teased, holding his hand out for the basket. She merely sighed, rolling her eyes in amusement, and handed it to him. 

"Well, if he gets the basket then I get the blanket." Peter stated, doing grabby hands at her. 

Natasha huffed out a small laugh, handing it to the teen and watching him wrap it around his shoulders like a cape. 

There was no warning at all before it began pouring, the rain pelting down on them before they could even think about walking back to her apartment. 

"C'mon, run!" Natasha called, suddenly delighted, to Peter. 

The boy immediately took off, the teacher not far behind. "You coming?" She called to Tony, spinning around so she was facing him and jogging backward. 

He stood there bewildered for a moment, before chasing after them with a smile. 

As he looked at Natasha, her quickly soaked hair in her face, he realized something. What Peter said earlier, it was true. 

He was in love with Natasha Romanoff.


	6. when we're together, darling, every night is halloween

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for not updating yesterday guys, i was wiped. basically, if i don't update everyday, just assume it'll be the next day. this was one of the chapters that i was most looking forward to writing, and i hope you guys like it

"A party?" Natasha drawled, her voice full of disbelief. "You're having a party?"

Peter perked up from his seat a few feet away. "Yeah! Dad throws huge parties! You'll love it!" He exclaimed. 

She smiled lightly at him, and noticed the other kids looking between the two in confusion. "What are you talking about, Peter?" Loki questioned his friend quietly, and it was then that the teacher realized she'd never heard him speak before. 

" _It's Halloween, Sweetheart, of course I'm having a party. You'll get to meet the family, too. They're always there, whether they want to be or not._ " Tony replied, not having heard his son over the phone. 

"Family?" As far as the redhead knew, Tony didn't have any relatives left. They'd laid in bed one night just talking about everything and nothing at all. She'd told him about her parents, and he'd told him about his. 

_"Yeah, they're not really related, but they're as good as. They're my coworkers and close friends. They'll love you."_ The man explained sincerely. 

"Alright, Tony. When do you want me to come over?" She huffed, crossing her legs. 

" _Nope. I'm picking you and Pete up as soon as school is over."_

"How do you know I don't have a meeting?" She retorted, her brows raised. 

" _Well, do you?"_

"Of course not, it's Halloween." Natasha answered obviously, smirking. 

Tony laughed, and after they both said a quick goodbye, she hung up. 

"Miss Romanoff?" The words had come from Cindy, who was watching her in confusion. In fact, most of them were. 

"Yes?" 

"You know Peter's dad?" Abe asked incredulously. 

Nat blinked and glanced at said boy, who was blushing and staring at his desk while both Ned and Loki whispered frantically to him. 

"I do." She raised her brow, daring the curious kids to continue. They didn't, and Natasha observed all of them. 

Peter gave her a small, thankful smile, while everyone else was looking to her in suspicion and curiosity. Everyone besides MJ and Lila. 

Lila just seemed confused. "You're dating Peter's dad?" She whispered, wide eyed.

"Yes, Lila." The teacher hummed, and her eyes drifted back to MJ, who was looking at her with a small frown. 

"Everything alright?" Natasha questioned slowly.

The brunette girl smiled and looked away, pulling out her phone. She wondered what that was about, but quickly shook the thought away when the bell rang. 

"How much do you want to bet he's been waiting in the parking lot for an hour?" Peter asked the woman dryly as they stood. 

"Please. At least two hours." The teacher retorted, rolling her eyes with a smirk. 

She gave a quick, distracted hug to Lila before they were all on their way out the door. 

"Mm, three." Peter argued. 

"That's pushing it. Maybe two and a half hours." 

"What if he's just been there the whole day?" The boy wondered, eyes glinting with amusement. 

Neither of them had time to ponder on it much longer, because they were stepping out into the parking lot. 

Sure enough, Tony was stood against one of his cars with a large smile. "Hey there, Sweetheart! And, of course, my least favorite son." The man greeted.

Peter huffed. "I'm your only son."

"So? I seem to recall you preferring this heathen over your own dearly beloved father." Tony teased, ruffling his hair.

The kid batted his hand away, ducking into the backseat. "That was almost a month ago. Are you ever going to let him live it down?" Natasha conversed as she slid into the passenger seat. 

Tony dropped down behind the wheel and shot them both a dazzling grin. "Do I _look_ like Elsa?"

* * *

Stepping into their penthouse, Natasha slipped her shoes off on instinct and watched Peter scamper off to his room. 

"What's he doing?" She inquired as Tony slipped his arms around her waist with a soft hum.

"Putting on his secret costume that he refused to let me see." The brunet mumbled, pressing a kiss to her neck. 

The redhead snorted as she turned her head toward him. "When will your friends be here?" 

She'd never been really anxious to meet anybody before, but these people were important to Tony, and Tony was important to her. 

"Probably an hour or so. And I hope you don't plan on heading to bed early because these people are definitely night owls. Peter will be passed out before the party's even half over." His eyes twinkled as he met hers, "And then we can bring the alcohol out."

She laughed, leaning her head back against his chest. Before him and Peter, she wasn't really one for physical contact. Sure, she accepted hugs from Lila and the other kids, and the occasional hugs from Laura and Clint.

But this, hugging and kissing, and just randomly being held everyday, it was good. She felt happier than she had in a long time.

"Nat! Can you come help?" Peter called from his room, and she smiled, pulling away from Tony. 

"Why can't I help?" The man whined loudly as she ambled backward toward the boy's room. 

"It's a surprise, Dad!"

Natasha got to his door and shifted from foot, knocking. "Are you decent?"

"Yes, now come in quick, but don't let Dad see." Came his response.

As instructed, the redhead cracked the door open just enough to slide in before she closed it again. She was met with the sight of Peter giving her a large grin with his arms out. 

"Look!"

And she laughed. He was wearing one of his dad's suits, even had a pair of his shoes and sunglasses. "What do you need help with?"

"A beard." The brunet said obviously, pointing at his very bare face. 

"I can't help you grow facial hair." She stated flatly.

"No, no, like can you draw one on or something? I have markers." Peter pouted. 

"You're kidding, right? No, no, you need eyeliner and mascara. And makeup wipes. Go get those and then come back." Nat shook her head. 

"I can't just leave by myself." The boy said, snorting. 

Natasha was aware of how protective Tony was of his son, and she didn't quite understand it (though, she didn't understand a lot of things about them), but she knew to respect it. 

"Have Happy take you. Get those, come back and I'll draw you the most Tony Stark beard you'll ever see." The woman drawled, poking him on the nose. 

Peter scrunched his face, backing up. "Okay, let me change out of this and then I'll go have Happy take me to the store." 

"Yes sir." And with that, she left his room, grinning. 

"That looks like an evil smile. Were you two conspiring in there?" Tony commented, prancing over to her and pecking her lips. 

"Yep. We're going to take over the world. Nah, he needs some supplies for his costume." She told him, eyes flicking to Peter as he emerged from his room. 

"I'm gonna go to the store with Uncle Happy. I'll be back like twenty minutes, tops." He said, pulling on his shoes by the door and smiling knowingly at Nat.

"Make it an hour." Tony said decisively, snagging Natasha in a hug again.

"Why? I only need like three things."

"Make it an hour, Peter." Natasha repeated, smirking.

The boy's eyes widened then, and he gagged a little. "Oh god. I'll just, uh, go. _Ew._ " Peter quickly scampered into the elevator, making the adults laugh. 

"So, what are you for Halloween, Miss Romanoff?" 

"It might be hard to see, but I'm actually a teacher. What about you?" The redhead teased. 

He sighed. "Oh, you know, a millionaire." 

Nat blinked. Then she blinked again. "A millionaire. You're a millionaire?"

Tony snorted. "Did you think I just stole all the expensive clothes I wear? I have an endless supply of rich guys in my basement and I steal from them whenever I want?" He asked in disbelief. 

Natasha laughed. "Like you could ever hurt a fly." The teacher missed the way his eyes flashed with an unreadable expression. 

"Now, are we going to stand here for the hour he's gone, or are we going to have fun?" Tony waggled his eyebrows suggestively, changing the subject. 

All she could do was laugh as he led her to his bedroom.

* * *

The first person to arrive was a dark skinned man with a large grin and a skeleton costume on. 

"Tony! Introduce me to your girl! I've been waiting forever to meet her!" Were the first words out of his mouth as he threw his arms around the man. 

"I can just feel the love, Honeybear. You know, you should've gone as a platypus." Tony snarked, an amused glint to his eyes. 

The man snickered at his friend. "Sweetheart, this is Rhodey. Unfortunately, he's my best friend, so you'll have to see him a lot." The brunet sighed heavily, giving her a sad look. 

"Call me Nat." The woman said, holding her hand out with a friendly smile, completely ignoring her boyfriend. 

"Nice to meet you Nat." Rhodey said at the same time Tony cried out, 

" _Seriously_? When am I allowed to call you Nat?" He complained exasperatedly. 

"I've never heard you ask nicely, you know." She commented, her voice light. 

"Please?" Tony begged, suddenly excited. 

"Nope."

Rhodey bursted out laughing, and Tony shook his head miserably. That was when the rest of the guests began to arrive, trickling in slowly like the students in Natasha's classes. 

Somewhere along the way, Peter returned with Happy in tow, and didn't even bother saying anything before grabbing Nat's hand and dragging her to his room. 

"Got the stuff?" She asked, feeling strangely like a drug addict.

"Yep! I wasn't sure what kinds to grab, though, so I kind of. . . grabbed them all?" He opened up the bag he was holding to reveal possibly every brand of eyeliner and mascara Natasha had heard of, and ever more than that. 

"Okay, wow. Any will do."

"Kay! So, can you do my beard and then I'll get Dad's clothes on and come out?" The teacher found herself nodding, and got to work drawing on a delicate makeup goatee. 

As she sketched the lines on the boy's face, she found herself smiling. As well as growing closer to Tony, she'd grown closer to Peter. The hesitation he used to have with her was barely there anymore, and Natasha was beginning to care for her like she cared for Lila, but. . . different. 

She just wasn't sure how different. 

"Done. Meet you out there, Little Stark." She winked, and slid out back into the living area. 

"Sweetheart! There you are! Guys, this is Natasha. Natasha, the folks." Tony tugged her to his side, gesturing to everybody. 

Soon she was introduced to them all. (Except for Loki, who she obviously knew.) Wanda, who was dressed as a witch. Bruce, an actual doctor that had a cheesy doctor costume on. Thor, who was dressed as his namesake, the Norse god. (The sling on his arm made her realize that he was the one who'd messed up his shoulder that one time.)

Then there was a man named Sam who wasn't one of their coworkers, but a close friend to all of them. He was dressed as a bird for some reason. 

There was also someone else that couldn't make it, she was told, a man named Steve who had apparently introduced Sam to them all. 

Just a few short minutes after everyone was introduced, Peter finally skipped out of his room with the brightest grin Natasha had ever seen on him.

"Two Tony Starks? Come on, one is enough." Wanda groaned jokingly, pulling the boy into a hug. 

Tony seemed delighted, commenting on the clearly real beard and poking fun at how big the clothes were on him. 

Unlike she expected, she didn't feel like an outcast with them. Quickly, Natasha learned that Rhodey was just as snarky as Tony, if not more, and they teamed up on him more than once. 

She also learned that Wanda hadn't initially liked Tony when they first met, but became a family. There was a certain darkness to the girl, though, something heavy and familiar that reminded her all too much of herself, and she made sure to give the girl her number and make sure she knew that Natasha was there to talk anytime. 

Bruce, she noticed, was extremely shy and kind, but still able to keep up with Tony's banter, and he seemed friendly enough the the teacher really couldn't have guessed these were the people he hung out with.

Thor was a smiley doofus, and to the normal eye he probably seemed harmless, but the way he would fiercely protect Loki, his little brother, was obvious. 

Sam, well, he seemed like the exhausted mother of the wild group. She could appreciate that. Having to take care of a bunch of children was something she was extremely used to. 

Tony threw on some random Halloween music, of course, and after the kids grew bored of the adults' non-stop talking, they retreated to the couch to watch Hocus Pocus. 

"C'mon, dance with me, Sweetheart! It's tradition by now!" Tony was saying, grabbing her hands to soon her around. 

Smiling pleasantly, she flowed with him effortlessly, watching him make dumb faces and shift around in horrendous movements he called dancing. 

Meeting his chocolate brown eyes as he beamed goofily, something struck her, hard. 

All the breath seemed to escape her as she felt his hands on her sides like an anchor holding her to the ground. 

She loved him. She loved him with everything in her. Her lips were pressed to his before she could even think, holding him to herself as fiercely as she could. 

Tony seemed to sense her sudden desperation to have him close, and the joking left him, his arms snaking around her waist and resting on her back. 

When their lips finally parted, they were gasping for breath. "Not that I'm complaining, but what was that for?" The millionaire panted with a lazy grin. 

"I. . ." Her eyes met his, and a sudden terror filled her, coiling around her insides like a poisonous snake. She loved him, yeah, but did he? "need some air. I'll, uh, be back. I need to step outside."

As Natasha darted for the elevator, she didn't see the confusion and slight disappointment in her boyfriend's eyes. 

Stepping into the cold night air gave her a moment to breathe, and she leaned against the wall, sighing. 

It was terrifying, really. Loving someone as intensely as she did in such a short time, left so much room for heartbreak. What if it didn't last? What if he never felt the way she did? Could she face seeing Peter every weekday if Tony ever decided that she wasn't enough anymore?

Her swirling thoughts were sidetracked as she suddenly saw two women dressed in dark clothing with hoods covering their faces approaching. 

If she weren't paying attention, she might've thought they were just going to pass her by, but from the way they were tensed, and the guns she could see gleaming on their sides, she knew that whatever was going to happen, it wouldn't be good. 

If she could help it, though, nothing would be happening. Swiftly, Natasha slid over to the door, about to open it, when the unmistakable clicking of a gun's hammer sounded behind her. 

"Don't try it." One of the women growled, and the teacher froze. 

As much of a pedestal she out herself on, as much if a badass she had others view her as, she was only a school teacher. 

Her hands raised above her head slowly. "I don't want any trouble." 

"Oh, we know." The other spoke. 

"But _we_ do." 

Something collided with her head before a single thought could form, and her consciousness left her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> guys, i just wanted to say that im always free to talk. whether you comment or message me on Tumblr (same username), im always willing to just talk. if you ever feel like hurting or killing yourself, PLEASE talk to someone, if not someone you know, then me, because i would listen. hell, if you're just upset, id still love to hear from you. yall are strong and brave for just being here, so thank you for holding on<3


	7. brave face talk so lightly, hide the truth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> for some reason this chapter took me a while to write. prepare for revelations and angst

The first thing that Natasha became aware of as she woke was the pounding ache at the forefront of her mind. Her throat felt almost painfully dry, and her wrists were tied (obviously) extremely tight together, the rope digging into her skin. 

The next thing she became aware of was the actual bag over her head. She thought that sort of thing was just for movie affects, didn't think someone would actually shove a bag over their captive's head. 

Her breathing was unsteady, coming out out in quick, short pants, her face sweaty. Who the hell were those women? Why did they take her? Why _her_?

The redhead panicked, tugging at the ropes restraining her (there were some constraining her legs to the chair legs too) in sharp, jerky movements.

"Looks like our guest is awake." A foreign voice drawled, and she tensed as footsteps approached her. 

The next minute, the bag was pulled roughly from her face. Natasha squinted, her tangled hair falling into her eyes. 

She had to blink a few times to adjust to the light, and her eyes finally landed on a tall, dark skinned man. 

"Who are you? What do you want?" She rasped, a bout of coughs escaping her. 

The man's face didn't reveal anything. "Natasha Romanoff. Born 1984 to Ivan and Melina Romanoff. Mother died in 1998." Her head snapped up as he began monologuing about her. What the hell was this? "Highschool English teacher. Partner of the one and only Tony Stark."

The teacher's face flooded with realization. This was about Tony. What the hell? Why did somebody kidnap her over Tony? What the fuck had Tony gotten caught up in?

"What does Tony have to do with anything?" She demanded, her face contorting in confusion. 

"When doesn't he, Miss Romanoff? He's Tony Stark." The man retorted, raising his brow. 

It was then that she finally took in his face, and no matter how hard she searched, she had no idea who he was. 

"The name's Trip." The man finally answered, crossing his arms over his chest as he leaned against the wall.  
  
"Is that supposed to mean something to me?" Natasha snapped, her face indifferent. 

Trip's face contorted in a scowl as he stalked forward, grabbing a handful of her hair and slamming her head against the chair, hard. 

A small yelp escaped her, her vision going momentarily black, and she could feel blood wetting her hair. At least it was red.

"Watch how you speak to me." He spat, his eyes dark.

"Honestly, I don't understand that saying. How does someone watch their words? It's not like you can see the-"

The man backhanded her across the face, but she was kind of expecting it. 

"Don't beat her up before we can get anything out of her." An unfamiliar woman said flatly, walking in. 

She had dull blue eyes and short blonde hair, eyes flicking over Natasha with disinterest.

"Get what out of me? I don't know what this is about." The redhead hissed, livid. 

Her head was aching, there was blood dripping down her chin from her lip, and more than anything, she was cranky as hell. 

The blonde narrowed her eyes, prowling over silently and dropping to a crouch in front of her. 

"Tell me, what do you know about your boyfriend, Miss Romanoff?" She spoke, tilting her head. 

"What the hell is that supposed to mean? I know that he's a good dad and a great man. What do you want with Tony?" Nat glared.

"So you don't know about his business, then? You don't know what he does when you're not around?" 

The blonde was starting to make her uncomfortable, but she could admit that she'd always questioned what her boyfriend actually did as a job. He was a millionaire after all.

"He'll tell me when he's ready, bitch."

While she trusted Tony, and believed what she said, it probably wasn't smart to swear at her captor. 

The blonde stood in an instant, pulling a gun from her belt and shoving it against Natasha's neck. 

The redhead inhaled sharply, not daring to move an inch. "I don't think you see the severity of this situation, _bitch_." 

"I've been known for that, yeah." The teacher smiled cheekily, unaware of the blood smeared on her teeth.

The blonde shoved her gun back into the waist of her pants and grabbed Natasha's face with one hand. 

"See, I don't believe you. Tony Stark goes steady with a woman for two months and doesn't tell her a thing about what he does? He even trusts you around his kid." She conversed, her fingers were digging into her skin hard enough to leave bruises. 

The redhead tensed at the mention of Peter. If they dared to touch him. . .

"Relax. None of us could get within a mile radius of the kid without his bodyguard seeing us." The woman rolled her eyes, letting go of her and standing up. 

Happy. She understood now why he needed to be protected at all times. If people like this were after them. . .

"Hill!" The blonde woman shouted over her shoulder, making Natasha wince at the volume.

A moment later a short woman with dark hair and eyes stalked in, annoyance clear on her face. "Didn't need to scream, Danvers."

Last names. Alright. There was Trip, Hill, and Danvers. After handing something off to Danvers, Hill was gone again. 

The teacher swallowed anxiously, looking for a way out. Unfortunately there was only one entrance or exit to the room, a door that Trip stood next to guarding. 

And who knew how many people they had? "These look familiar?" Danvers questioned innocently, though her eyes sparkled with dark amusement. 

She held up a picture. It was Natasha and Tony at their second date, both of them smiling. How had they gotten this? As far as she knew, there hadn't been anybody with a camera at Del Posto.

Danvers out another photo in front of that one. Tony dropping Natasha at home after one of their countless dates. 

They went on and on, until the last one, a picture of Natasha, Tony and Peter on their picnic, all of them laughing. 

The redhead felt her heart drop into her stomach, her blood turning to ice. How long had they been watching them?

"Who are you? What do you want?" She croaked, her voice hoarse and trembling. 

"We're Shield, of course." Danvers smiled, tucking the photos away. 

Blinking in confusion, Natasha tilted her head. "What?"

The blonde woman squinted. "Seriously? You'd think being cozy with the leader of the Avengers, you'd have all the juicy information about their rivals." 

"Probably didn't want to scare her away." Trip commented, smirking cruelly.

"What's the Avengers? What's Shield?" The woman asked, bemusement clear in her voice and on her face as she looked pleadingly at them. 

Danvers' face changed. "Well, shit. You really don't know a damn thing, do you?" She huffed, and left the room. 

Sighing heavily, Nat let her head drop against her chest, breathing heavily. 

What was going on? What the hell was Tony's job? As if she hadn't already dealt with enough surprises, she heard a familiar voice approaching the door. 

Her head snapped up, eyes widening. That couldn't be who she thought, it couldn't be. 

But when two people walked in, Natasha felt like she was going to be sick. There was an unfamiliar man with an eye patch, but standing next to him was her best friend. 

Clint Barton stood in the doorway, gaping at her. "Nat?" He breathed, horrified. 

"C-Clint?" He was part of these things that had kidnapped her? 

"Barton, you know her?" The one eyed man barked, glancing at Clint. 

The teacher couldn't process what was going on. She didn't understand what was going on. 

"Nat, what the hell?" He whispered to her.

"What the hell? _What the hell_? Does Laura know about this? Do the kids?" She shrieked, losing her cool. 

What the _fuck_?

"When you said you were dating someone named Tony, I never thought. . ." Without another glance, he turned and left the room. 

"So, it seems you know Barton. It's a shame, really. We probably could've used you if you weren't with Stark." 

Natasha met the man's eyes, struggling to hold back tears. Nothing made sense anymore. 

"What is this?"

Unlike the woman, he actually answered her question. "This, Miss Romanoff, is Shield. You can't tell me you've never heard of us. We're one of the most infamous mobs in New York City."

And finally, she got it. Rivals. The constant protection for Peter. All the money. His mysteriousness about his job. . . Tony was a mob boss.

Oh god. She was dating a mob boss. She was in _love_ with a mob boss. A bout of hysterical laughter slipped from her throat, and both Trip and the unnamed man looked to her as if she was crazy. 

It only made her laugh harder.

Shaking his head, the one eyed man pulled out a gun and he slammed it against her skull. Just like before, she was knocked out cold.

* * *

When Natasha woke this time, there was a trail of dried blood from her forehead all the way down the side of her face. 

With every movement, the blood crinkled disgustingly against her skin, and she only ached worse.

"Looks like sleeping beauty is awake." Came the voice of the one eyed man, and she blinked her eyes open, squinting at him with a slight glare. 

"What do you want from me? We've already established that I don't know anything about the damn mobs." The redhead snapped angrily.

"I'm not going to monologue my evil plan to you, Miss Romanoff." He riposted, raising his brow. 

"Who even are you?" She questioned exasperatedly.

He gave her a look as if to say 'Eh, why not?' and answered. "The name's Nick Fury."

A sudden snort of disbelief left her. "Seriously? Fury? As in Michelle Jones-Fury?"

Fury's eye widened slightly, and the woman shook her head. "Is my school just filled with mob kids?" 

"I suppose it is." Natasha's laughter fell short, and she sobered as she heard her friend's voice. Her friend. She doubted they'd be friends after this. 

"Why are you doing this, Clint?" She asked softly, hurt, confusion and anger swirling in her eyes. 

"Do you even know the things your boyfriend has done? The people he's killed and hurt?" He spat, rage contorting his expression. 

"Yeah, what about you? You can't be all innocent." Nat retorted, tugging angrily at her restraints. 

They sent a twinge of pain up her arms and she couldn't help but wince. Clint noticed, of course, and he looked away. 

"Untie her." 

Natasha and Fury alike snapped their gazed to him. Was he insane?

"Have you lost your damn marbles, Barton?" The man demanded. 

"I can take her. Just untie her."

Eying him for a long moment, Fury finally nodded to Trip, who walked forward, brandishing a knife. 

First he cut the ropes away from her ankles, then the one from her wrists. Quickly pulling her hands to her chest to rub at the abused limbs, she glared.

She wasn't just going to sit there without a fight, though, and she launched herself up, throwing a right hook at Trip. 

The man caught her arm in a bruising grip and growled, wrapping his hand around her neck and slamming her into the wall. 

Tears stung her eyes as she gasped for breath, clawing at his muscled arm. "Let her go, Triplett."

On command, he dropped her. Natasha crumpled to the ground, wheezing, and brought her hands to her throat. 

"Try stupid shit like that again, I won't let go." Trip spat, then returned to his spot at the door.

"Are you trying to get yourself killed?" Clint hissed, pulling her up roughly to sit back in the chair. 

Her throat hurt too much to speak so she settled on glowering at him. "Do you remember my friend Phil? Phil Coulson?" He asked after a moment, his arms crossed over his chest much like Fury and Trip. 

Geez, testosterone much? "Yeah. He died." Natasha said flatly. 

"He didn't just die. He was shot in the chest by your precious boyfriend. He bled out in my arms while Stark got away Scott free." 

Tony wouldn't just do that, would he? No, he would just kill someone without a reason. A connection was suddenly made in her mind, the timeframe all too close together. 

"And what did you do to Pepper Stark?" 

He stiffened. "She got in the way." 

Natasha nodded, licking her lips. "So it's okay for you to kill his wife? To kill the mother of his child? But if he gets payback, he's a monster?" 

"Look, Nat-"

"No, my friends call me Nat, asshole." The redhead interrupted with a snarl.

Clint took a deep breath. "Look, _Natasha_. I'll admit we've all done wrong, but so have they. And they're much, much worse." The man explained cynically. 

"Says who? You? Who gets to decide who's better or worse? Because you sure as hell don't look like Old Saint Nick." The teacher panted, struggling to keep her voice neutral.

"No. I suppose we can't know who's better or who's worse. But are you really going to choose an asshole you've known a few months over me?" 

Natasha croaked out a laugh, her eyes slightly deranged. " _You fucking kidnapped me!"_

He stood swiftly, an unreadable expression in his face. "Do whatever you got to do. Just don't kill her." With that, he left. 

What did that mean? Swallowing in fear, Natasha looked up, meeting eyes with Fury. He didn't look bothered, and he looked to Trip. "Get May." 

Who the hell was May? She sure had a lot of questions. The other man nodded once and quickly darted from the room. 

"You are going to regret meeting Tony Stark, Miss Romanoff." Fury said, his voice hanging in the air.

She doubted that, she really did. "Go fuck yourself." 

* * *

Natasha honestly wondered how long they planned in keeping her in that place. From what she could tell, at least two days had passed, and they hadn't bothered trying to get any information out of her. 

They sure did like using her as a human punching bag, though. Trip and May especially. She'd overheard Fury talking to someone named Rogers about May, referring to her as Melinda, and the redhead was conflicted. 

Hadn't Tony mentioned a Rogers at some point? Once she got out of this place, they had a lot to talk about. 

_If_ she ever got out of this place. What if they decided they were done with her and just killed her?

A loud noise suddenly startled her, and her head snapped up, meeting eyes with Clint. Nat gave a half-hearted glare. 

"Don't look at me like that, Natasha." He spat quietly, darting over to untie the rope binding her wrists. 

"What are you doing?" The redhead asked weakly, her brows furrowed.

"Something I'm going to regret." Once she was finally free, she stood cautiously, her legs wobbling.

"We're. . . We were family, Natasha. The Avengers are on their way. Get the hell out of here." Clint grunted.

She blinked at him, wheezing heavily, and stumbled to the doorway, just as gunfire began to go off a ways away. 

"Natasha." 

The woman glanced back at her former friend. "This? It's over. The next time I see you, I'll treat you just like the scum you hooked up with." 

Natasha looked away, not saying a thing, and she staggered down the hallway. For the first time in a long time, she let her tears fall.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> title from sick of losing soulmates by dodie clark


	8. ice in our veins, love in our still hearts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry it's taken me a bajillion years, didn't sleep tuesday and crashed wednesday, then worked on this all day while binging spn, and my mental health is like non-existent, but I'll try to update more frequently

With all the information Natasha had learned the past few days, you'd think she wouldn't be shocked at the sight of her boyfriend wielding a pistol.

Still, it was jarring. The normally smiley, snarky man she knew was opening fire on the members of Shield. 

She wasn't sure if anyone was actually getting shot, but she knew that both mobs were attacking. 

"Natasha!" His throaty yell echoed all over the place, and the redhead let out a wheeze, pushing open a half open door. 

"Don't shoot." The teacher said weakly, smiling half-heartedly.

Beside the millionaire was Rhodey, and on his other side Wanda. As she thought about it, Natasha was sure there were others around too.

"Nat!" Tony breathed in relief, darting forward to pull her into his arms. 

"Dumbass! Quit breaking rank, let's get the hell out of here!" Wanda hissed, her eyes dark as she looked around cautiously. 

"Last I heard, I'm in charge of you." Tony snarked at the young woman, worried eyes looking over his girlfriend. 

"What'd they do to you?" 

The redhead sighed. "Me an' you got a lot to talk about." Strange. Her words were coming out slightly slurred.

Tony's face changed, his eyes widening. "Natasha! Natasha!" His lips were moving but she couldn't hear him anymore. 

With that, the world tilted sideways and everything went dark.

* * *

A faint humming sound slowly began to filter into Natasha's consciousness, not hurting her head like most sounds had before. A hand rested in hers, warm and calloused as the thumb brushed over the back of her hand. 

She felt content. Sighing lightly, the redhead felt her fingers twitch lightly, and the soothing humming stopped. "Nat? You awake?" Tony murmured softly, and her eyes fluttered open. 

"Mm, it's Sweetheart." The woman chimed, grinning lightly. 

"I knew you liked that nickname." He winked, but his face looked tired, worried. 

"You're a mob boss." Natasha sighed, her eyes trailing over him. 

The brunet nodded, squinting slightly. "And how do you feel about that? I have the strangest feeling I'm about to be yelled at." Despite his joking tone, they both knew how anxious he really was. 

"Can't tell. Throat hurts too much." 

Tony winced, bringing his hand up to trail lightly from the bruises littering her face to the ones that darkened her neck and collarbone. "I'm so sorry. I should've known they'd target you." 

Natasha narrowed her eyes at him, poking him in the chest. "Not your fault. Should'a told me, though." 

A small huff escaped him. "Yeah. I should've. Didn't want to scare you off, though." The words seemed familiar somehow, but her head was foggy and she wasn't quite sure from where.

"Tell me 'bout Pepper." The redhead yawned, her eyes getting heavier and heavier. 

The man blinked, his face contorting in confusion. "Wouldn't you rather hear about to the Avengers? About anything else?" He gaped.

"No," Nat insisted, shaking her head. "They. . . They killed her." 

Tony inhaled sharply. "Yeah. They did." Glancing at their intertwined hands for a solid minute, he finally began to explain.

"Peter was six. All three of us were just walking through Central Park. We were walking through a park, and a Shield SUV drove by and shot at us." Natasha felt tears sting her eyes as his voice wavered. 

He cleared his throat, clearly emotional. "I put Peter behind me but I wasn't fast enough with Pepper. She. . . She took a shot to the chest. The SUV took off and I tried to help Pep, but. . ."

Nat's heart broke as tears finally slipped from his eyes. "She was gone within 20 seconds. But. . . for those few moments, she was terrified. She was silent and she was so scared. God, Peter, he was hysterical, he was sobbing for his Mommy and all I could do was hold her as she died." 

Sniffling, the redhead brought her hand to his face, wiping away his tears. For some reason she was more emotional than normal.

"I'm so sorry, Tony. You don't deserve that. She didn't deserve that."

Tony let out a dark laugh, wiping at his face. "Me? I don't know. But Pep, she didn't deserve anything bad. She'd never hurt a fuckin' fly."

His voice shook, and Natasha looked at him sadly. "It's funny how I hate him more than I hate their damn leader."

She blinked multiple times, confusion settling over her like a blanket. "Who?" 

"Man named Clint Barton. He's the bastard that murdered my wife, and I'm the one that's going to kill him." 

It felt like she'd just been dunked in an ice bath, her eyes opening wide and her breath hitching inaudibly. She'd known it was Shield, but Clint?

It was him? She knew where he lived. She knew where he slept, where his children slept. 

She could tell Tony now, could let them know where Clint was, could let them kill him. 

But Lila, Cooper, Nate. Laura. . . God, they'd be devastated. And one of them would find him. They could get hurt if they got caught in the crossfire. 

Her decision cemented in her head, and her jaw clenched lightly. "They'll come after me again." 

His eyes snapped to hers, welcoming the change in subject. "Probably. But I'll have you protected. I'm definitely teaching you how to use a gun."

"Teaching me?" The redhead's brows raised amusedly. "You think I don't know to shoot? I'm a Russian with an army Dad."

"Okay, point taken. Still, I'm having one of my guys give you lessons, and maybe Steve can give you some self-defense lessons." Tony said, his eyes sparkling with a bit of amusement. 

At that, Natasha gasped. "Steve. Rogers?"

The millionaire shifted. "Yeah?"

"I heard Fury, he was talking to him on the phone. He-"

"Whoa, whoa, calm down there, Sweetheart. Steve's undercover with Shield." He soothed, running his hand over her messy hair. 

"Oh." She sighed, calmer. 

"Didn't want him to at first, none of us did. But after what happened with his boyfriend. . ." Tony shook his head. 

"Huh?" Her face scrunched up in confusion. 

"That's a story you'll have to ask him once you meet him." 

She assumed it would be an emotional one. "Now, I know you're tired, but we've got a bit more to talk about." The man hedged cautiously, his eyes anxious. 

"What? I think we've covered all the important stuff."

"No, uh, not really. I'm pretty sure you've got questions about the whole secret mob thing." Tony stated, huffing.

"I mean, to be fair, I never asked." Natasha reasoned, shrugging with a lazy smile painted on her lips.

"I should've told you. There's no doubt about that. I made a mistake not telling you the second we got serious." 

It was strange, seeing him so serious, so sincere. "Damn right, you should've." 

He winced. "But you didn't. And it's okay. I mean, I guessed it was something illegal with all that money, and all that mysteriousness." The redhead said calmly, leaning her head into his hand.

His lips tugged upwards slightly at her movement. "And you're just okay with it? Aren't teachers supposed to be innocent and kind, law-abiding citizens?" 

Natasha laughed, smiling up at him. "I was a rebellious teen once. Smoked a little pot." 

"Such a terrible crime." The brunet rolled his eyes, good-natured. 

For a while they just looked each other, smiling gently. His hand was in her hair, his other clasped in hers, and they were both content. 

"We will have to talk more, obviously, Sweetheart, but I can see how tired you are. Get some rest." 

"Mm, are you saying I look bad?"

"I'd never," Tony gasped, grinning, "I happen to find hospital gowns and bedhead to be a turn-on."

Nat snickered, turning on her side. "Goodnight, Tony." She murmured, her eyes slipping closed. 

"More like good mid-afternoon, but I'll take it." 

She smiled, slowly beginning to drift off. She almost didn't hear him whisper, "I love you, Sweetheart."

The teacher shifted then, just enough to let him know she was awake, and before unconsciousness took her, murmured, "Love you too, Dumbass."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> title from marceline by willow smith


	9. through the cracks in the road, the flowers grow

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ty guys all for the kind words and wonderful comments! if im being honest, every single one makes my day, so thank you :)

"And you're sure you're okay with it?" Tony's voice was once again the first thing she heard as she woke up. 

It was clear he wasn't talking to her, and she lolled her head in his direction, her eyes slipping open. 

"Okay, bud, I was just making sure. I know that after Mom, I've never- Yeah, yeah, alright _cucciolo_. I'll see you at home. Love you." Tony finally looked to her, sliding his phone into his pocket.

"Hey, Sweetheart. How'd you sleep?" 

Natasha watched him drop down into the same seat he'd been sat in before, and began to pull herself up. "Like the dead."

"Hey, hey, hey!" His hands came to her shoulders, gently pushing her back down. Glaring, Nat swatted his hands away. 

"I'm not going to break from sitting up." 

He had a frown on his face, but didn't oppose her sitting up this time. "So, what were you talking to Peter about?" She asked, noticing the anxiety seeming to roll off him in waves.

The brunet's eyes flicked to the ground, before he looked back to her. "I've been thinking." 

"Don't strain yourself."

"I've been thinking," He repeated, rolling his eyes, "that maybe you should move in with me."

The redhead startled, blinking in shock. "What? Why?" 

Tony blushed furiously, clearing his throat. "Not if you don't want to, obviously. I just, when you were gone I really got to thinking, and I'd be able to protect you easier, and-"

Natasha smiled as he rambled, realizing that while, yes, he wanted to protect her, he clearly just wanted her closer to him. 

"Yes, Tony. Okay. I'll move in with you." She cut off his nervous rambling, and watched his face break out in a smile. 

"Great! Should I hire a moving company? What all do you want to bring? Ooh, Peter will love to have Ebony over all the time."

The teacher huffed out a laugh, slapping her hand over his mouth. "Hush. It doesn't all have to happen today." 

Tony broke out in a sheepish smile. "Yeah, right, of course. Now, lucky for you, you don't have any serious injuries, and we were just waiting for you to wake up. So, once you're ready, we can sign you out and get the hell out of here."

Rolling her eyes, Natasha threw the thin sheet off her legs. "I'm ready." She smiled sweetly at him, and huffing out a laugh, he helped her stand. 

* * *

"You're going in first, the cat might attack me." Tony positioned himself behind his girlfriend, eying the floor warily as she pushed open her door.

Natasha rolled her eyes and started clicking her tongue. "Ebony would not attack you." She lied, smiling as the feline sprinted over, rubbing against her legs. 

The Italian man stepped back cautiously, his eyes narrowed. "It's the devil. The actual devil." 

She rolled her eyes yet again, walking over to put a scoop of food into Ebony's bowl. "Good girl." She murmured, scratching behind her ears for a moment, before turning back to Tony. 

It was strange, seeing her mostly empty apartment after so many years of living there. Everything she needed had been moved to Tony's penthouse, and all she really needed to retrieve now was her cat. It had been nearly two weeks since they left the hospital, and she'd been more or less staying at his place anyway. All that was left was this.

"She must have a dumbass sensor. It's the only reason I can think of." Natasha met his eyes, grinning lightly. 

"Why does she like you, then?" The man snarked, wrapping his arms around her waist and tugging her close. 

"I'm either a dumbass or a sweetheart, make up your mind." 

"Mm, how about Sweetass?" 

She bursted out laughing, and it wasn't long before he joined in. "That's just weird, Tony." 

"Okay, yeah, even I'll admit that one was a bit off. As sweet as that ass is, I don't think Pete would appreciate that nickname." The mob boss snickered, his eyes twinkling with mirth.

"You don't say." Was her sarcastic retort, before she pressed a quick kiss to his lips and pulled away, surveying the place. 

"Anything else you can think of besides the devil cat?"  
  
She almost said no, nothing important coming to mind, when her eyes caught on the bathroom door. A heavy weight settled in her stomach, and she swallowed, shifting slightly to try and ease some of the tension that suddenly weighed her down. 

"Yeah, actually. I think I left some makeup in the bathroom, give me a minute." It gave her an almost sick feeling, lying to him, didn't even know why she was.

He hummed in affirmation, and the woman tried to keep her gait casual as she strolled over to the door, turning the knob and stepping in. 

It swung almost shut behind her, not latching because she knew Tony would get suspicious if she closed it completely. With a swift glance to the doorway, Natasha crouched at the cupboard and pulled it open. 

There wasn't any makeup in there, hadn't been for a while. Instead, there sat an oh so familiar blade and bottle of pills. (She'd disposed of the water bottle a long time ago.)

Biting her lip, Nat grabbed the items and shoved them into her purse, before standing back up and walking into the living area where she found Tony glaring daggers into the back of Ebony's head. 

Despite the slight amusement she felt then, the anxiety and nausea she also felt prevented her from smiling. Instead, she stalked over and shoved the empty food bowl into the bag of cat food and turned to her boyfriend. 

"Can you carry this out to the car?" 

"I don't know. Seems real heavy." Tony teased, even as he took it from her arms. That earned a small grin, and the redhead brought her gaze to her cat, who sat at her feet, flicking her tail back and forth. 

"Come on, I know you can get up here." The teacher said, rolling her eyes. 

Ebony didn't hesitate, climbing up her owner to rest on her shoulder. 

" _Wha_ \- Do the claws not hurt?" He gaped as they walked out of the apartment. 

Instead of telling him the truth, that yes, it hurt, but she didn't quite care, she shrugged. "Nah."

Tony seemed bewildered, but shook his head and slid into the back of the car, setting the cat food at their feet. 

As soon as she was sat beside him with the door closed, Happy took off down the road. 

"Home, Boss?"

None of them mentioned that it was Natasha who answered, "Home, Happy."

* * *

"Nat?"

The second the adults had stepped from the elevator, Peter had stuck his head out of his room excitedly.

"Ouch, okay. I see she's still the favorite." Tony put a hand over his heart in mock sadness. 

"Mhm!" The teen hummed, skipping over to wrap the teacher in a big hug. 

"Hey, kid." She was about to warn him about Ebony, but the agile black cat jumped onto his shoulder. 

Peter yelped, pulling away to lock his wide eyes with the animal that perched on his shoulder. 

"This is Ebony?" He questioned cautiously, tilting his head and eying her. 

"Be careful, _bambino_ , she's evil as hell." Tony warned, stepping forward to potentially remove the feline from his son. 

Ebony chose that moment to sniff at Peter's face and begin purring. The boy smiled surprisedly, and reached up to pet her. 

"Don't be mean, Dad. She's sweet." He cooed, patting her gently and grinning ear to ear as she rubbed her face against his neck and curled up, laying down on him.

"Nobody likes me around here, geez." The grown man complained, walking over an collapsing on the couch. 

Nat snickered. "I think you're the only person besides me that Ebony likes."

Peter absolutely beamed, and he walked carefully over to the couch so as not to jostle the cat, and plopped down next to his father. 

Ebony ran off to explore, and Natasha smiled pleasantly at her boys, feeling completely content. 

When she realized she'd though ' _her_ ' boys, she stilled, though. They weren't really hers, though, were they?

Peter wasn't her son, Tony wasn't her husband. If to anyone, they still belonged to Pepper Stark. 

It seemed selfish and straight up dumb to be jealous of a dead person, but that didn't stop her. 

As she watched them, she finally understood what she felt towards Peter, what she'd felt for a long time. She loved him, loved him like he was her own kid. 

But he wasn't hers, and he never would be. That struck her like a knife to her heart, and she suddenly found it hard to breathe. 

"You coming, Nat? The _monello_ over here decided we should watch a movie." Tony called. 

The redhead slipped a fake smile on her face, almost alarmed at how easy it came to her. "Gotta make some popcorn first, of course."

"Need help?" He offered, though it was clear he wanted to remain sprawled over the couch, annoyingly taking up his son's space. 

"Nah, I got it." 

With that, she wandered into the kitchen and began the process of her very famous M&M popcorn. 

Both Starks had become enamored with it, and they hadn't had a movie night without it since she first introduced it to them. 

As she heard both father and son giggling in the background, Natasha didn't even realize that she was digging her nails into her thighs hard enough to draw blood.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> title from moon and back by alice kristiansen


	10. and i start to feel the fever from the warm air through the screen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hahsjdjd this took me a billion years, im sorry. ive been procrastinating like hell and working on literally every other story in my drafts. thank you guys for waiting and please don't forget to comment, they make my day!

It had only been a few days since Natasha had moved in completely, but she didn't feel out of place. 

She felt like she belonged there. She made breakfast in the morning and dinner at night. She even made lunch on weekends. After all, Peter had to have edible food sometimes, right? 

And as much as Tony wanted her to remain at the penthouse forever, she did have to go back to work. 

Her job was important to her. Before she met Tony and Peter, it was her life. She loved doing what she did, and she loved the kids. 

Speaking of the kids, there was one knocking at their door very, very loudly. "We'll be out in a minute, Pete." Tony groaned, and the knocking ceased. 

"Come on! We've gotta leave for school soon!" The boy whined, before his receding footsteps could be heard. 

"We?" Tony mumbled confusedly, turning his head slightly to lock eyes with the woman sprawled across his chest.

"Yes, we, Tony. I'm going back to work today, and you are driving Peter and I. We discussed this three days ago." Natasha reminded him, shifting so her head was resting on his shoulder. 

His face soured. "Happy will have to be your bodyguard when he's not watching Peter." 

The redhead barked out a small laugh, climbing out if bed. Tony pouted at the loss of warmth. "Happy does have a life, you know? If you insist on me having a bodyguard, it can't be Happy." 

"Ugh, fine. Wanda, then?" The millionaire suggested, watching her change into jeans and a light pink blouse. 

Thinking of how snarky and bossy the other woman was, Nat smirked, nodding. "Sure. We can teach each other our ways."

The brunet groaned yet again, knowing that wouldn't turn out well. "On second thought, I should just have Rhodey guard you." 

She threw her head back in laughter as he stood up. "You're joking, right? The stories I could get out of him. . . Be my guest." 

Tony squinted at his girlfriend suspiciously. "On _third_ thought, Shield can have you." 

As she skipped out of the room snickering, He smiled. Her laughter, her smiles, they made his day. The man glanced at his dresser for a moment, then shook his head. He had to wait.

Natasha was pulling Eggos from the freezer when she heard Tony finally coming out, now dressed in one of his black suits.

"What happened to Chef Romanoff?" He teased, wrapping his arms around her. He seemed to have a thing about holding her all the time. 

"What happened is we're going to be late if I try to make something. Eggos is fine, right Peter?" 

Said boy who sat at the counter nodded enthusiastically. "Have you even had Eggos before, or are you trying to please Natasha?" 

Peter squinted. "Uh, yes." 

"That's not an ans- Oh, whatever." 

Nat wandered over to the toaster, popping in two of the Eggos. Just enough for Peter. For some reason, she didn't want to eat. She was hungry, sure, but the thought of eating just kind of made her sick. 

"Want some?" She asked, watching as the toaster warmed up. 

"Nah. Rhodey and I are going for breakfast. No idea where, though." The man finally pulled away after pressing a quick kiss under her ear. 

The look on Peter's face when he took his first bite lit up her whole day. 

* * *

"I'll be here as soon as school is over, okay? Both of you come right out here." Tony said, his face completely serious.

"Yeah, I know, Dad." Peter replied, rolling his eyes. 

"We're not going to get kidnapped at a school, okay? They're not that stupid." Natasha teased, poking him in the chest. 

He caught her wrist with a small smile, eying the almost healed bruise circling it. "Just be careful, okay? I'll see you later." 

Peter groaned at their affection, climbing out of the car, and Nat followed with a laugh. 

"Bye, Kiddo! Bye, Sweetheart!" With that, he drove off and Natasha and Peter made their way inside. 

"I'll see you in class, okay?" The teacher murmured to Peter, her hand on his shoulder. 

"Kay! See you, Nat." With a quick hug, the boy pranced off to class. 

"Miss Romanoff!" 

Natasha plastered on a smile, spinning around. "Mr. Morita, it's great to see you." She said pleasantly. 

"You too! I was so sorry to hear about your car accident. I'm glad you're better now, the kids have missed you." The man smiled. 

She almost faltered. " _Right,_ my car accident. Well, as great as it is to see you, class will be starting soon." 

And with that, she was off to her classroom, noting that it was exactly as she left it. When the day finally began, each and every class made at least a few comments about being glad she was back, and she heard a few mumbles about how the substitute, Mr. Ross was an ass. 

She could agree. Thaddeus was one of the worst people she knew, and she knew members of mobs. That was saying something. 

Eventually, though, it was her lunch break, and she sat at her desk quietly, answering Tony's endless texts with short, sarcastic replies. 

For a man that showed so much malice and violence to his enemies, he was basically a witty teddy bear with her and Peter. 

So many people she knew that had completely different sides to them. . . Natasha's mind traveled to Clint then, a heavy sigh escaping her lips. 

She'd been avoiding thinking about him since the hospital, hadn't pondered on it much more at all. Now, though, as she let her mind wander, her brows furrowed. 

Before she found out about his job, about what he did, Clint was her best friend. He was the one person she could always go to, the one she could always trust. 

Hell, he had been the only person she cared enough about to leave a suicide note for. If she hadn't known him, she probably would've gone without a note. 

Nat dug her nails into her thighs, but the effect was ruined as her jeans protected the skin from being broken. She looked to the clock, saw that she still had time, and she stood. Grabbing a small item from her purse, the redhead stalked from the room and to the closest restroom. 

Seeing as it was lunch time, it was empty, and she was free to do whatever without fear of being caught. So after locking herself in a stall and tugging her jeans down, she looked down at her thighs. 

There were a ton of old white scars, but what caught her eye the most were the small, recently healed crescent shaped ones. 

Natasha knew this was wrong, knew she was falling right back into her old habits, but she didn't care. She didn't care at all. If anything, she liked it. 

So without a second thought, she dragged the item she'd grabbed from her purse, her blade, across her thigh, welcoming the sting and watching the blood well up.

* * *

By the time her last class of the day came around, Natasha had almost managed to get her relapse out of her mind, and wasn't dwelling on it anymore. 

The second Lila walked in, though, she jolted, her leg smacking against her desk. "Auntie Nat!" Lila cried, bounding over. 

"Lila." She said apprehensively. She couldn't be sure if Clint told her anything or not. 

"Mom said you were in a car crash but Dad said I couldn't see you or call you anymore! What the heck happened?" The girl exclaimed, sliding into her seat. 

Natasha opened her mouth to answer, when she saw MJ walk in. And it suddenly hit her. The day the class found out she was dating Tony, MJ had acted strange and pulled out her phone. 

Her face flooded with realization. The teen had outed her to her dad. A small scoff escaped her, before she looked back to Lila. "I'm alright now. But your dad was right. We. . . We can't talk anymore." 

It hurt her just to say it, but she knew it was true. If she continued to hang around Lila, it wouldn't be long before Tony got the correlation with their last name. 

"W-What? Why?" Her niece was blinking back tears. 

The bell chose that moment to ring. "Class is starting, Lila. Pay attention." And she stood up, wandering to the front of the class, knowing they'd have questions. 

"Miss R!" Ned cried, his hand in the air. 

"Yes, Mr. Leeds?" 

"Is it true you were in a car crash? That's what Mr. Morita said!" 

Natasha's roaming eyes caught on MJ for a moment, noticing the girl wouldn't meet her eyes. "Yes, it is true. I was in a car accident, but I wasn't seriously hurt and I'm back for good now."

They continued to chatter on for a little while, but eventually they quieted down and the teacher was able to begin her lesson and wander back to her desk. 

She almost expected that MJ wasn't going to ask to go to the library this time, but sure enough, when there were only a few minutes of class remaining, the dark skinned girl wandered over. 

"Can I go to the library?" 

She watched her for a moment, her eyes flicking to Peter, who watched them with slightly wide eyes. "Not right now, Michelle." 

The teen's dark eyes flashed to hers for a moment, before she nodded and went back to her seat. 

The second the bell rang, Nat stood and beckoned for MJ to follow her out to the hall. 

"Look, Miss Romano-"

"Cut the crap, Michelle. I know you told your father about me." The redhead sighed, crossing her arms over her chest. 

"What was I supposed to do, huh? He would've found out eventually." Despite the bite in her words, Natasha could sense the smallest amount of guilt in her voice. 

She sighed for what seemed to be the hundredth time that day. "Listen, I don't hate you, okay? I understand the loyalty to your family, I do." Her tone took a sharp edge, "But if you try to do the same thing for Peter, I won't be so understanding, got it?" 

MJ swallowed. "Yeah. Got it." 

The redhead nodded decidedly. "Go to the library if you still want to." 

The kid didn't need to be told twice, scurrying off the second she was dismissed. It was a shame, really. If things had been different, they probably would have gotten along. 

Of course, when Nat stepped back into the room, the first thing she heard was, "Miss R, do you have candy?" 

It seemed some things never changed. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> title from ghost by indigo girls
> 
> and now i know that depression is different for everyone and im in no way insinuating that what Natasha is doing is good, im just giving her a thought process i guess similar to mine? i don't want her to be a mary sue and i wanted to make this as realistic as possible


	11. my head's under water, but i'm breathing fine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so i finished this sooner than i thought i would. i was kinda uninspired for a while but after i scrolled through you guys' comments i immediately got writing again, so thank you all for sticking with me :)

"Uh, right hand on red." Tony announced from his spot lounging on the couch. 

" _How_?" Peter cried, twisting his entire body to place his shaky hand on one of the remaining red spots. 

Natasha narrowed her eyes, shifting slightly and easily repeating him. "How are you doing this?" The boy whined. 

"I did gymnastics and ballet as a kid. I'm flexible." She answered simply, smirking at the teen. 

"Damn right you are." Tony snickered, waggling his brows at her and pretending not to hear his son groaning in disgust. "Ooh, left foot green."

Peter gave his dad a flat look, before trying to contort his body to Tony's directions. 

Squinting, Nat shoved her foot over to the green, watching as it collided with Peter's arm on yellow and made him collapse. 

She laughed brightly as he fell, glaring at her. Without a second's warning, he tackled her and she fell down right next to him. 

Tony cackled. "Sweetheart wins!" 

"Of course I do." She made to stand up, but flinched as Peter did the same, his knee knocking into her thigh. 

"Oh, sorry, Nat. Are you okay?" Peter asked, helping steady them both as they stood. 

"When am I not?" She grinned, walking over to collapse once more, this time on the couch next to her boyfriend. 

Tony was quick to tug her into his lap and wrap his arms around her, and Peter once again made a disgusted noise, flopping down beside them. "I'm beat. I don't know why I used to like that game." 

"Because you were once a flexible child. You used to be able to put your legs behind your head, you know." The millionaire pointed out, raising his brows. 

Natasha shifted in his arms so she was facing Peter. The boy was in the middle of scrunching up his nose. "That just sounds painful." 

"Not really, if you practice." She argued, resting her head on Tony's shoulder. 

"Oh? Been practicing, have you?"

"Will you guys stop! Your child is in the room! Innocent child!" Peter cried, slapping his hands over his ears. 

Nat inhaled sharply, his words ringing in her ears. _Your child._

 _Her_ child. Peter was her kid. Tears stung her eyes then, and she cleared her throat, both of the Starks looking at her strangely.

"Are you okay, Nat?" Tony murmured in her ear, but she didn't respond, climbing out of his lap and pulling Peter into a tight hug. 

He let out a surprised noise before returning it, leaning his head against her chest. "You 'kay?" The brunet mumbled into her shirt. 

"I'm okay." She assured, still holding him. 

Tony brought his hand up to rest on her arm, and she didn't need to see him to know he was doing his 'concerned face'. 

Taking a large, shaky breath, the teacher turned her head to whisper into the boy's ear. "I love you, Peter."

Peter tensed in her arms, and for a moment she feared she crossed a line, about to pull away when he sniffled and pulled back just enough to meet her eyes. "I love you too, Nat." 

"Aww, this is adorable. C'mere, I want in on the hug." The man pulled both of them into his arms, pouting, but neither of them seemed to mind. 

* * *

"I don't think I've ever seen somebody fail so miserably at making popcorn." Natasha said mournfully, standing with Tony as they watched Peter struggle. 

"Even I'm not that bad. I don't know where he gets his terrible cooking skills." He replied, squinting in horror at the smoke rising from the popping machine. 

"I've got nothing." The redhead sighed. 

"Tones!" 

The three in the kitchen jolted, Tony's leg hitting Natasha's as they spun around. 

"Uncle Rhodey!" Peter cried, grinning ad he ran over to hug the man who'd entered. 

Tony shot a look at his girlfriend, his brows furrowing. The first time it happened, he'd brushed it aside, but he couldn't do that anymore, now that it was glaringly obvious. 

Everytime anyone so much brushed against her legs, she flinched. He hadn't wanted to believe it at first, hadn't wanted to think she'd done that again. 

Grabbing her wrist, he gave her a meaningful look, a look that promised they were going to talk later. Natasha avoided his gaze, plastering on a smile. 

"Rhodey, it's good to see you." She greeted as Peter pulled away from his uncle, excitedly skipping back to the most likely charred popcorn. 

"You too, Nat. _What_ is that boy doing to your kitchen?" He peered over their shoulders, a cringe on his face. 

_"Her_ kitchen? What's that supposed to mean?" Tony squawked in offense. 

"It means Natasha is the one who can actually cook, therefore, her kitchen." Rhodey explained, rolling his eyes. 

He shook his head, holding a container out in front of him. "I'm about to change your whole world, Natasha." His face remained completely serious. 

"Oh my god," Tony gasped, delighted, "is that Mama Rhodes' fudge?" 

"It is! Peter, quit trynna burn down the kitchen and come eat fudge!" 

"I'm not burning down the- oh shit it's on fire! Dad! Help!" 

" _Fanculo_!" After cursing in Italian, the man made his way for the fire extinguisher and sprinted back into the kitchen. 

* * *

Hours later, when Rhodey had gone and Peter had retreated to his room, Natasha sat at the kitchen island, swirling a piece of fudge between her fingers. 

She had been actively ignoring the fact that Tony was leaning against the door frame with his arms crossed against his chest. 

"Are you going to say anything?" He finally asked, sighing heavily. 

"Nothin' to say." She popped the chocolate into her mouth, cringing slightly. It was good, it was _amazing_ , but lately she just wasn't hungry.

"Nothing to say? So you haven't cut up your legs again?"

Nat flinched, looking down. Tony let out another sigh, walking up behind her. "I didn't mean it like that, baby, you know that." 

She shrugged lightly. "Natasha, please. Just talk to me." He begged, walking around to face her. 

"What do you want me to say?" She spat, her head snapping up to meet his gaze. There was an anger swirling in her eyes. 

"I want to know _why_. I want to know what I can do to help. I'm at a loss here, Nat." Tony's voice trembled and he grabbed at her hands. "Talk to me."

"I. . ." She thought of Clint, and she couldn't say another word. "I don't know. Ever since. . . Ever since Shield. . . I can't- I don't know-" Natasha didn't stumble often, but when she did, she fell hard. 

Teary eyes met those of her boyfriend's, and her chin trembled. "It's getting bad again, Tony. I-" she broke off with a small cry, bringing her hand up to cover her mouth. 

The brunet looked heartbroken, immediately gathering her into his arms. "Hey, hey, hey. It'll be okay. You're okay." He continued to soothe her quietly, rocking them back and forth gently. 

Natasha sobbed silently in his arms, and it absolutely devastated him. She had been completely put together basically their whole relationship. She was the strongest person he knew, and the fact that it was his fault she was like this. . .

He hadn't told her what he did, who he was. He had left her unprotected, and he was the reason she was taken. He was the reason she was sobbing into his shirt right now. 

"I'm sorry, Sweetheart, I'm so sorry." Tony whispered, his head tilted up to keep his own tears from falling.

He was going to help her, he was going to get her better. He had to. It wasn't long before Natasha's cries quieted down and she began to slump in his arms. 

Tony wasted no time in scooping her into his arms bridal style and carrying her to their room. He laid her down on her side of the bed, watching her immediately curl up in a ball. She had a habit of sleeping like that. 

The man would've smiled, had he not just witnessed her crying her eyes out. "It'll be okay, Natasha." Brushing her hair from her face, Tony leaned down and pressed a kiss against her cheek. 

He loved her so much it hurt, so much that he'd do damn near anything for her. The mob boss hadn't felt like this in a long time, not since Pepper. 

And that was why he kept looking at his bedside drawer, his eyes staring so hard one would assume he could see through it. With one last glance at Natasha, the millionaire pulled the drawer open and grabbed the object he'd been thinking of for weeks now. 

Walking out of his room, Tony shoved it into his pocket, keeping his steps quiet as he wandered to his son's door. He brought a hand up to knock. "Peter? You still up?" 

"Yeah. Come in." Came his mumbled response, and he frowned. He sounded like he'd been crying. Was everyone crying lately?

"Hey, _tesoro_. What's up, buddy?" His concerned brown eyes met similar puffy ones. 

"I, um, I heard you and Nat." Peter sniffed, wiping at his eyes. 

Tony's face flooded with realization. "Oh, bud." He sighed, sitting on the kid's bed next to him and wrapping an arm around him. 

"Is she really h-hurting herself?" The teen asked shakily. 

He breathed deeply, closing his eyes for a moment. "Look, kiddo, I want to answer all of your questions, I do, but that's not for me to do. How about tomorrow you talk to her, alright? It's something she needs to tell you herself." 

They were both silent for a little bit before Peter nodded, yet again sniffling. "Hey, bud, look at me." 

He did. "Nat's going to be okay, alright? She's strong, you know that. Hell, you've known her longer than me." Tony tried to joke with him, but it fell flat. 

"I know she'll be okay. She's just not okay right now, and. . . What if she. . . Dad, I don't want to lose her. I don't want to lose her like I lost Mom." The boy's voice broke on the last word, his face crumpling. 

Tony dropped to the ground, grabbing Peter's face in his hands. "Hey. Look at me." Once he finally met his eyes, Tony made sure his voice was completely clear, his face showing nothing but absolute seriousness. "You will not lose her, okay? We won't lose her. That's not going to happen." 

The teen nodded, trembling, and fell forward into his dad's arms. Tony took a sharp breath, holding him close, not unlike he'd just held Natasha. 

It wasn't until Peter's breathing finally calmed that he pulled back, smiling sadly. "Now, I promise we will talk more about this soon, but I have something else I want to run by you." 

Blinking a bit, he nodded. "What is it?" 

After the smallest amount of hesitation, he pulled the object from his pocket, and bit his lip. "Peter," he began, and he opened the small velvet box, revealing a shining silver ring, "how do you feel about me proposing to Natasha?"

His response was a small screech, his eyes wide and mouth dropping open. "Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh! _Seriously_?"

Tony laughed. "Yes, kid, seriously." 

"Do it! Definitely do it! You love her, she loves you, and I love both of you! She'll definitely say yes!" He gasped, a large smile taking over his features. 

"Yeah? You think so?" The man grinned, snapping the box closed and putting it back in his pocket. 

Peter sighed dramatically. "I don't know, actually. She might see your face and just run away, honestly-"

"Oh, you little _shit_!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> title from all of me by john legend


	12. like a howling wind piercing through my skin, i'll be alright

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi! please don't murder me. im sorry its taken me so long, but to be fair i was working on another ironwidow story (the time loop one, which has the first chapter published for those of you that didn't know) and i finally finished binging supernatural for the hundredth time. starting again 😌 anywho, please read and comment :)

When Natasha woke up, it was to a light touch on her cheek, and she shifted slightly, her eyes fluttering open to meet Tony's chocolatey brown ones. "Hi." She rasped, feeling his fingers brush repeatedly over her cool skin. 

"Hi." 

She didn't have to study his tone to know exactly what was on his mind, the previous night coming to her in an instant. 

"You okay?" The redhead mumbled, turning fully to face him. 

"You're asking me? Shouldn't I be asking you that?" Tony questioned incredulously, his brows furrowing. 

"Well, you can ask me too, but not until I get my answer." 

A small laugh escaped him, and he smiled softly. "I'm worried, Sweetheart." Tony admitted.

Nat sighed. "About me, I know." She took a moment to think, biting her lip. "Look, Tony. . . For as long as I can remember, I've been like. . . this." 

Tony sat up, frowning slightly, and she followed suite. 

"My life hasn't been terrible, in fact, it's been pretty normal. Besides my mother, I haven't really lost anyone or had some major trauma that made me the way I am. I just always have been." Natasha told him, not meeting his eyes. 

"Tasha, mental illnesses don't only belong to tragedy survivors. They don't pick and choose those with the hardest lives. Sometimes people just get them. They're like physical sicknesses, except these tend to last a bit longer than the common cold." The brunet explained, his face sympathetic. 

She knew that, of course she knew that, but it didn't change anything. It didn't change the fact that she fucking _broken_. 

"I mean, Peter has had anxiety since he was old enough to talk, and he didn't exactly have a traumatizing baby life, if you know what I mean?" Tony joked. 

He was clearly trying to get her to laugh, and it worked. She sighed heavily and gave him a smile. 

"I know I can't magically make everything better. Personally, I hate those dumb books and movies where love and kisses and hugs just cures mental illnesses like some Disney shit. It's okay to not be okay, Sweetheart. Just talk to me." 

Natasha was brought close to tears at his words, blinking them away and clearing her throat. "I don't know how." A shaky breath left her and she continued before Tony could say something. "I've never. . . The last time I tried talking to someone, it was my parents, and they sent me away to a mental health facility. I don't know _how_ to open up." Finally, she met his eyes. 

Tony moved his hand to cup her face. "Then we can figure it out together. I promise, I won't send you to a Looney Bin." 

The redhead snickered, leaning into his touch. "I'm thankful for it." And on a more serious tone, she said, "I. . . I'll try to talk to you next time." 

He beamed, smacking a sloppy kiss on her lips and pulling her into him. She groaned, rolling her eyes. "I love you very much." He sighed happily, giving her a goofy smile. 

She laid her head on his chest and grinned. "I love you very much, too." 

"Dad? Is Nat awake yet?" A very loud voice called from outside the door, and Tony closed his eyes in exasperation. 

"She is now." Natasha called back teasingly. 

"Oops, sorry. Can I come in?" 

Looking down at themselves, the adults deemed their apparel appropriate and told him so. In a few seconds the teen was bounding in and flopping onto the bed beside them. 

"So, what's the occasion? Why do we have this little gremlin invading our bed?" The redhead asked, looking to both of them. 

Peter squinted, then to Tony he said, " _Papà, voglio parlarle."_

"Oh, hey, that is not fair. You know I don't know Italian." She groaned out, but from the looks they were giving each other, she could guess that was exactly why they'd pulled out the language. 

"I'm going to go make breakfast." The man announced, climbing out of the bed. 

Natasha sat up, alarmed. "What? Holy Christ, you can pretend I don't know that Peter wants to talk to me alone, but please don't destroy my kitchen."

"Your-" He threw his hands in the air. "Okay, fine, your kitchen. I'll order donuts or something." 

They laughed in unison as they watched him go, and with a gentle smile, Natasha crossed her legs and looked to Peter. "So, what's up, мой щенок?"

The boy blinked at her. "What does that mean?" 

"What does what _you_ said mean?" She retorted, raising a brow. He smiled sheepishly, and the teacher took that as a win. She also was glad she didn't have to explain that she'd just called him her puppy. 

"Um, okay. So I. . . uh, I wanted to talk to you about something." Peter stammered, wringing his fingers nervously. 

Yeah, there was that anxiety Tony had talked about. "Something?" She drawled, tilting her head. 

"U-Um, last night I heard you and Dad talking." The boy mumbled, and Natasha felt her heart rate spike, opening her mouth to speak. 

He beat her to it. "And I know it's none of my business, but I just wanted to tell you that I care about you and even if you don't want to talk, I'm always here for you."

She took a shaky breath, holding back tears, and smiled softly at him. Before she could respond, he continued on. 

"I- Um, I lost my mom. When I was six. I know you probably already knew that, but. . . ever since she died, I've been terrified to lose anyone else I care about. And I care about you a lot, I _love_ you, and I d-don't want to lose you." His voice wobbled and he sniffled wiping at his eyes. 

"Oh, Peter." The woman sighed, pulling him close. The teen collapsed into her arms, hugging her tightly and letting his tears fall. "You're not going to lose me, okay?" She assured. 

Peter nodded jerkily, his whole body shaking as he held her. Natasha knew that what she'd just said was the truth. As long as she had Tony and Peter, she couldn't see herself getting that low again, couldn't see herself leaving them behind, leaving one of them to find her.

The redhead ran her fingers through his short curls, and her heart ached for him. She loved this kid, loved him like he was her own, and she knew nothing could ever change that. 

It seemed like hours later when he finally began to move, when in reality it was probably only a few minutes. 

"There's, uh, something else I wanted to say, too." Peter quaked, pulling back and shooting his gaze to the rumpled blanket they sat on. 

He was clearly a lot more anxious about whatever else he was about to say, and she placed a reassuring hand on his arm to soothe him. 

"I've been thinking since last night. I didn't really sleep. Uh, it's completely fine if you don't want me to, I get it completely, really. It's just, I know my mom would be okay with it, she only ever wanted what was best for me-"

"Spit it out, bud." Natasha interrupted, knowing he'd go on forever if she didn't intervene.

"I wanted to know if I can call you Mom." Peter rushed out, his eyes wide and voice impossibly high. 

She stopped breathing for a moment, her mouth falling open. 

"O-Or not! It's totally okay, like I said, I get it-"

Nat slapped her hand over his mouth, for once not fighting the tears that sprung to her eyes. "Yeah," she choked out, "yes, Peter. You can call me Mom."

He beamed, launching into her arms again. "I love you." She croaked, sniffling. It felt like her heart was going to burst right out of her chest like a cartoon, and she couldn't help the soft sob that escaped her. 

"Oh no, I didn't mean to make you cry." Peter mumbled into her shirt. The redhead dissolved into laughter, shaking her head. 

"I am honored that you want to call me Mom, Peter. I've loved you like my kid for a long time now." She murmured, and when he pulled back, she brushed her hand over his face with a smile. 

"Are you guys done talking?" Came Tony's yell from the kitchen, and they both began to giggle. 

"Let's go." With that, they both climbed out of the bed and trudged into the kitchen where Tony stood with a box of donuts in his hands. 

"How did those even get here that fast?" Peter questioned, tilting his head as he padded over. 

"Okay, you caught me. I called Happy and had him get them before Nat woke up." The man admitted, grinning with chocolate icing on his lips. 

Peter pranced over to grab one, his eyes lighting up as he saw a caramel glazed one, snatching it before anyone else could try. 

"Do you want one?" He asked Natasha after taking a large bite, and she couldn't help but grin and nod. 

"Here you go." He placed a plain one in her palm, and she looked to Tony with a small, innocent smile.

"Thank you, Peter." She took a bite, grinning. 

Peter glanced at her, then at his dad and his eyes lit up. "You're welcome, Mom." 

Tony promptly choked on his food, coughing harshly. "M-Mom?" He wheezed, his eyes wide. 

"Yeah. Me and her talked." Peter offered, chewing a bit slower and observing Tony for his reaction. 

The man nodded, narrowing his eyes slightly and watching them both. It was a bit eery for a moment, all three of them just staring and chewing, before a loud ringing jolted all of them. 

Their gazes shot to Peter's phone on the counter and Tony swiped it up before anyone could say anything. 

"No! Dad, give it here!"

"Ah, ah, ah! Nedward! Ooh, Ned." Tony sung, then answered it and put it to his ear. 

"Dad!" Peter complained, reaching for the phone but failing spectacularly. The Starks weren't exactly tall. 

"Why hello, Nedward." A pause. "Yes, Peter can come over. Happy'll bring him by soon." He hung up and shoved the phone at his son's chest.

"Wha- Okay, yeah, sure Dad, I'll go to Ned's. Thanks for asking me if I wanted to go." The teen said flatly, walking back to his room. 

The adults snickered as he retreated, and Natasha waltzed into his arms, humming softly. "Someone's in a good mood." Tony smiled, pressing his chocolatey lips to hers. 

"I know I was kind of a mess last night, but I feel pretty good today." She admitted, licking her lips. 

"I bet you do, _Mom_." 

"How do you feel about that?" Nat inquired, furrowing her brows. 

"Feel about what?"

"Him calling me Mom. I'm sure it reminds you of Pepper." 

Tony sighed a bit, meeting her eyes. "Of course it reminds me of her, almost everything does. But that's okay, because I know for a fact she would love you. Since she can't be here to be a mother to Peter, she'd be so glad you are. And you're in no way replacing her, but that doesn't mean Peter or I love you any less. Think of it as a second mom, moms we both love just as much." He rambled on, and the teacher struggled to hide her grin. 

"You sure have a way with words, Tony Stark." She murmured. 

He raised a brow. "That I do, Natasha Romanoff." He looked as though he was about to kiss her, when Peter suddenly re-emerged from his room. 

"Bye, Mom! Bye, Dad!" He sang, prancing over to hug them. Natasha's heart skipped a beat once again. 

Once he was gone, both of them staring after him, she grabbed his arm. "Does it always feel like that?"

He didn't have to ask what she was talking about. "Yeah. It does."

* * *

"I serious! A blindfold! If you even look at his muscles you'll up and leave me!" Tony cried dramatically, pouting at her. 

"I'm not going to leave you for this Steve guy!" Natasha laughed, pulling away from him.

"You will! I'd leave me for him!" He argued, following her to the door. 

"But not me? You'd leave yourself but not me?" She grabbed the door handle. 

"Of course not! I'd never leave my soulmate." The brunet exclaimed as she pulled it open. 

"I'm touched." She smiled sweetly and turned to who she assumed was Steve. And holy shit, Tony wasn't kidding. The man had _muscles_. 

"Hi. You must be Natasha." He greeted, his blue eyes crinkling at the corners as he smiled, holding his hand out.

"And you must be Steve. It's nice to meet you." She returned, shaking it and stepping aside so he could come in.

"You too. Tony." Once he was inside, Tony closed the door. 

"Rogers. Got anything on Fury's team?" 

The blond shook his head. "Nothing new. Barton's seemed out of it lately, but he hasn't been saying anything. Hill and Danvers have been sticking closer to Fury lately, but I think that's because you guys ' _miraculously_ ' found one of their hideouts." He explained, putting his hands in his pockets.

"Thank you for that. I know you risked your cover telling me where they were keeping her. . ." Tony sighed. 

"Well, I couldn't let some innocent English teacher die. Not before I met her at least." He winked at her, and a smirk tugged at her lips. 

" _No_." Tony moaned, covering her eyes. He glared at Steve. "Keep your dumb googly eyes away from my Sweetheart." 

Nat laughed, batting his hands away. "So, you're gonna train me, huh?" 

Neither of them felt good about the way she used finger quotes around the words. 

"Yeah?"

She began toward the gym, and Steve followed apprehensively. They both flinched when she cackled. 

_"What the hell?_ " Steve mouthed, walking backwards after her, his eyes wide. 

Tony gave him a sweet smile. "Good luck." 

"I don't need it, Tony." Natasha sang. 

"Oh, I know. I'm talking to Steve. He'll definitely need it."

* * *

"I don't think," Steve panted, struggling to stand, "that you needed training."

Natasha tilted her head, huffing. "No, I don't think so either." Reaching down, she helped him up. 

"Can we just tell Tony I was extremely buff and manly and taught you everything you know?" He asked. 

Her single raised brow was all the answer he need, shaking his head with a small laugh. "Well, if you ever want to kick my ass again, give me a call. I'm sure Sam would get a kick out of you." 

"Sam? Bird guy, right? I met him before I got kidnapped." 

Steve winced. "Still. Tony's never dated anyone for this long. I'm sure you'll be here a long time, so we might as well be friends." 

"Yeah, might as well. I'll-" Natasha cut herself off, her eyes widening as she slapped her hand over her mouth. 

"Are you alright? Is everything okay?" He rushed out, reaching for her but then pulling back, hovering hesitantly beside her. 

Without warning, the redhead darted to the bathroom, barely having time to drop to her knees before she was vomiting up the poor donut she'd eaten earlier.

"Oh." Steve winced for what seemed like the hundredth time. "I'm gonna. . . I should go get Tony." With that he hurried from the room and Nat groaned, laying her head on the toilet seat. 

She hadn't been sick lately, but when she was younger she used to get bugs practically every other day, a trait she inherited from her mother. 

Knowing it would probably last at least a week, the woman sighed, scrunching her face in disgust at the taste in her mouth. 

"Nat? Steve said you're si-"

She cut her boyfriend off by vomiting again, pushing her hair behind her ears as her eyes stung. 

"Yikes. Ah shit. Okay, Peter was a very sick child. Still is sometimes, let's get you some ginger ale and crackers. You think you're done puking your guts up?" Tony ranted, coming over to rub her back affectionately. 

"You have such a way with words." She repeated her earlier statement, glaring half-heartedly.

Tony laughed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> title from drown by boy in space


	13. my heart in my throat, i won't say a word

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> eyyy sorry it's taken me so long to write this, depression's been kicking me in the ass and im at my cousin's so updates will be less frequent until Sunday night/Monday morning once im home again. the majority of this chapter was written w my sleeping baby cousin on me so forgive any typos. ALSO, one of my very enthusiastic readers guessed correctly, i hope u enjoy the chapter :)

"So, Miss Romanoff, how's things?" Wanda drawled, a hint of amusement in her eyes. 

She'd shown up right before her lunch break started, a few minutes left of that class. Natasha had been collecting papers and discreetly rolling her eyes at a snotty kid named Flash Thompson when she'd spotted the woman leaning against the door frame with a smirk. 

"Oh, you know, the usual. Puking my guts out in the morning, school, then ' _lessons_ ' from Steve." The redhead replied, crossing her legs. 

Wanda grinned, plopping down on the desk. "I should leave the Avengers, honestly. Me and you could start up our very own women only mob." 

Natasha raised her brows, leaning back. "Is that so? How many other women do you even know?" It was a bold question, seeing as she barely knew her at all, but Wanda's brows pinched together in thoughtfulness. 

"Huh. I think two. Nevermind, one." She answered. 

"And who is she?"

The younger woman gave a sheepish smile. "You."

They both laughed, and Nat felt something light about it, just having a friend to talk to and be honest with. 

Shifting, Natasha rested her chin in her hand. "So, my bodyguard, huh?" 

She rolled her eyes. "Personally, I think you should be free to go wherever, but I can't really argue with Tony about wanting to protect his loved ones."

Both of their smiles turned sad. "Did you know her? Pepper?" The teacher hedged. 

Wanda let out a heavy sigh. "I did. She was a hell of a woman. She was one of a kind, and we all thought that nobody else would ever be able to put up with him like she did." 

Nat's eyes flicked to the ground. "But then you came along. And I know for a fact she would have loved you." 

"So everyone seems to say." She mused in response, huffing out a laugh. 

The other woman put her hand on her shoulder. "Because it's true." Her gaze held complete sincerity, and for a moment they sat in emotional silence, before Wanda broke it again. "Besides, now that you're here, we can take over the Avengers and make them way better."

Natasha snickered. "Yeah, because that's all I'm there for." 

For a while they just sat there talking, but eventually her lunch break ended and they agreed to meet when school ended, Wanda making her leave. 

And her day carried on, teaching high schoolers the wonders of American English, not fully relaxing until her last class (like usual). 

The second Peter wandered in with Loki and Ned in tow, her eyes lit up. "Hey kiddos." 

"Hi, Miss R!" Ned exclaimed, before rushing to explain something to do with Legos to Peter. 

"Hey, Miss Nat." Loki greeted shyly, slipping into his seat, and Natasha's attention was drawn to the door before she could hear her son's response. 

Lila walked in, followed closely by MJ, and she sighed softly. The girl had been so downcast lately, and she knew it was her fault. 

It took all of her willpower to make it through the class without going over and comforting her, but she managed, and once it was over she immediately slumped into her seat and dropped her head into her hands. 

She would always love Lila, nothing could ever change that, but just being near her put her family in danger, it put Peter in danger. It risked Lila's family, it risked Laura and Cooper and Nate, and Natasha couldn't do that to them. 

But maybe just talking to Lila wouldn't hurt, right? "Lila, can I talk to you?" Nat murmured, looking up. 

The teen's face lit up as she turned toward the woman she used to call aunt. "Yeah?" 

"Look, Lila, you know I love you, right?" The redhead said, grabbing her arm. 

She shrugged. "You haven't exactly been showing that." 

Natasha bit her lip. "I wish I could explain it to you, but I can't. Look, Clint and I. . . We aren't talking anymore, Sweetie, and I can't be near you, but I do love you. I need you to know that."

Lila frowned up at her. "What did Dad even do? Why does that mean you can't be my aunt anymore?" 

No matter how hard she tried to think up an explanation, nothing came. "I'm sorry, Lila." She sighed. 

The brunette's face hardened, but Nat could see the tears shining in her eyes. "Don't be, Miss Romanoff."

The teacher sunk back into her seat and took a deep breath. Stewing in her thoughts, she didn't notice MJ listening in on the whole conversation. 

* * *

"See you guys tomorrow!" Natasha called, watching as the students filed out, laughing and talking. A few responded, but most of them just left as quickly as they could. 

"Are you coming home right away?" Peter questioned, trudging over to her with Ned in tow. 

"No, I'm going out with Wanda, but I'll definitely be back in time to make dinner." She answered, giving him a small smile and ruffling his hair. 

He scrunched his face in annoyance, batting her hand away, and beamed. "Kay! Bye, Mom!" 

And with that, he darted for the door. It warmed her heart every damn time, and if she laughed at Ned's squawk of surprise, it was nobody's business but hers. 

It wasn't long before she was meeting Wanda in the parking lot, discreetly rolling her eyes as the other woman waved wildly for her. 

When she slid into the car, she gave her a flat look. "You're almost as bad as Tony." 

Her face changed. "Almost. I'll get there." 

Natasha groaned, and they took off. She didn't know exactly where they were going, but Wanda had said she had someplace in mind. 

"I used to take Peter here when he was little," she told her, "but he lost interest in shopping a long time ago." They pulled up to the mall and everything made sense. 

Natasha barked out a laugh. "What are we here to get?" 

Wanda shrugged. "You don't go to the mall to get stuff." 

Whatever that meant. When they walked inside, the metal detector went off, and Natasha instinctively looked to the security guard, but he was nodding to Wanda like some sort of silent agreement. 

"What was that?" The redhead mumbled in question as they wandered around. 

The younger woman raised a brow, lifting her shirt just enough for the gun on her side to be visible. "We all have an. . . agreement. Being in a mob does have perks." Wanda teased, winking. 

Nat nodded slowly, her tongue sliding along her teeth. As they passed a perfume shop, her nose scrunched up in disgust and she turned her face away. "God, that stuff stinks." She complained. 

Wanda furrowed her brows in confusion, tilting her head. "Huh." She mumbled. 

"What?" 

She shook her head, seeming distracted. Natasha huffed at that but shook it off and continued walking with her. That was, until she caught the scent of hot, fresh pretzels, and immediately veered toward them. 

It hadn't taken much to convince Wanda to get one too, and soon they were sitting at a table with their pretzels and chatting quietly. 

"So, siblings?" She asked, her mouth full. 

"Nope. I've always been an only child. What about you?" The redhead responded, shaking her head. 

Wanda's face turned bitter, her eyes locking on the table. "I had a brother. A twin. His name was Pietro. Shield. . . Shield killed him." 

She sucked in a sharp breath. "I am so sorry. They've hurt so many people." Natasha apologized, her eyes sad.

Wanda tried to smile. "Thank you. Now, enough with the depressing stuff. Peter calls you Mom?" 

Nat couldn't hide the smile on her face if she wanted to. "Yeah. It's a new thing but. . . I wouldn't trade it for the world. I really love him."

"I can tell. Tony's had that look on his face since the munchkin was born." 

Her cheeks flamed, and they both laughed. "Anyway, you're sick? Loki mentioned it the other day because apparently Peter is really worried about you." 

It was heartwarming, really. "Yeah. I've been throwing up for about a week now, but I guess I've felt a bit off for a bit before that." Natasha confirmed, licking her salty fingers. 

There was that face again. "Huh." 

"What does that mean?" The redhead demanded, scowling. 

"It's just- You know what? Come with me." With that, Wanda was stalking off swiftly and Natasha had to scramble up to keep pace with her. 

"What are you doing? Where are we going?" Despite her questions, Wanda didn't answer, just looked determined and kept going.

Finally, they stopped at a pharmacy, and Natasha's brows slowly u furrowed as they approached the aisle Wanda planned to stop at. Her face flooded with realization and she shook her head. 

"No way." She said stubbornly, but again, Wanda ignored her. Nat's mouth fell open as she watched her pick out a few items and go buy them at the counter. 

"Wanda, I am not-!" 

"Oh, hush. Just trust me." She retorted, rolling her eyes, and thrusted the boxes into her hands. Pregnancy tests, three of them. 

"You're joking." She breathed. Her eyes met Wanda's. "I am _not_ pregnant! I would know!" 

"That's what Pepper thought too." The woman shot back flatly. 

Her face souring and lips pursing, Natasha allowed herself to be led to the bathroom and locked herself inside, taking shaky breaths as she read the instructions. 

She would know. Wanda was wrong, she had to be wrong. She used all of them, wanting to have absolute proof she was right, and she placed back and forth in the small area. 

"Have you looked at them yet?" Wanda's muffled voice came from right outside the door. 

Despite the fact that she knew she couldn't be pregnant, she froze. She couldn't look at them. "I- I don't-"

"Unlock the door, let me in." Wanda commanded, and she would've snarked at her were she not filled with anxiety. 

Nat didn't hesitate to turn the lock and pull the door open, Wanda slipping in and closing the door behind them. 

Hesitantly, the other woman wandered over to the tests, and inhaled sharply. "Nat. . ." 

No. No. She knew that tone. Spinning around, the redhead's eyes locked onto those two solid lines. 

Her blood turned to ice. She looked to the other one. Then the other. They were all positive. 

She was pregnant. Looking down to her stomach, her eyes were wide. There was a _baby_ in there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> title from home by daughter


	14. sing me a song and send me to sleep

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey guys im so sorry ive taken so long to update, but ive been busy as hell. (sorry for the long authors notes, no one wants to read about my random vents, ill just stick to the story stuff from now on)

It had taken a long time for her to convince Wanda to take her home without telling anyone, but Natasha managed, and was making her way into the penthouse soon enough. 

Right before the elevator stopped, Nat stilled her shaking hands and swallowed nervously. She had to tell Tony, and soon. 

The first thing she heard as she stepped inside was Peter and Tony yelling in the living area, Wii remotes in their hands as they concentrated. 

Licking her lips, the redhead noticed that they hadn't seen her yet, too engrossed in what she was pretty sure was a tennis match. 

Her hand flitted to her stomach then, imagining a little girl or boy running around their feet. Imagining getting to raise a child with Tony, getting to see Peter be an amazing big brother. 

Her eyes welled up with tears that she quickly blinked away, dropping her hand to her side and careening into their view. "Please tell me you've got the straps on. We don't need any holes in the walls." 

"Sweetheart!" Tony cried, smiling awkwardly, and Peter froze, his eyes widening. 

Immediately, Natasha narrowed her eyes in suspicion at them. "What did you do?" 

They didn't answer, so she began surveying their surroundings, finding what they were nervous about all too soon. 

A remote sized hole inches from the TV. A flat sigh left her lips. "Tony." She said warningly. 

He squawked. "How do you know it was me?" 

Her brows practically raised to her hairline. "Was it not?" 

"Well it _was_ , but-" 

He was cut off by Peter bursting into giggles and Natasha's long, drawn out sigh. 

"Play with us." The teen begged, his eyes sparkling. He was clearly trying to pull her attention from the wall, and it worked, Natasha smiling and accepting the offered remote. 

* * *

"Are you okay?" Tony murmured, his arms wrapped around her as they lied in bed. Peter was sound asleep in his room, and they'd just finally made their way to bed. 

"Mhm." Nat mumbled in response, shifting slightly and sighing as her red locks fell into her face. 

The brunet grinned softly, pushing the strands behind her ear. "What'd you do with Wanda today? You guys were gone for a while." 

Her heart rate spiked but she didn't let it show, thoughts immediately flitting to her stomach. "Went to the mall. We just talked mostly." 

"About what? I can never understand how women just talk for hours." The man mused, squinting slightly. 

Natasha snorted. "About Peter. Pepper too, and her brother. A lot of things, really." 

Tony's face changed slightly, and he tilted his head, unfocused eyes settling on her shoulder. 

"What is it?"

"Pietro. He was a pain in the ass, but he was a good kid. He was just a kid, barely older than Peter is now." 

The redhead sucked in a sharp breath, not having known that. God, Peter was just a child. She hadn't even thought about how much younger they had to have been when that happened. 

"How did it happen? What's the story?" She questioned, unable to quell her curiosity. 

Licking his lips, the mob boss sucked in a breath. "We didn't know them well. Wanda and Pietro were our neighbors, they even watched Peter sometimes. With Happy nearby, of course. But, one day Wanda came to the door covered in blood and shaking so bad I thought she was going to fall over. Turns out she was walking with her brother and parents and they heard someone talking about me." There was a tinge of guilt in his voice and his eyes. 

"Apparently hearing a mob's evil plans is unforgivable to them. They shot them all down, and Pietro threw himself over her. The girl was traumatized, and she's been devoted to us, to taking down Shield since." He finally finished explaining, his eyes downcast. 

Natasha brought her hand to his face. "Hey. It is not your fault. It's theirs." 

Tony nodded shakily, his eyes watery. "We would never kill innocent people, Nat. Especially not children. How could somebody kill a _child_?" 

Just the thought of someone getting their hands on Peter, or god forbid, her unborn child, it had her slipping her hand under her shirt to feel her stomach. 

It was still so unbelievable that there was an actual person in there. His eyes flickered to her hand. "You okay? Feeling sick again?" 

She almost told him right then, she would have, if they didn't both hear a sudden knock at the door. 

"Pete?" Tony called, his brows furrowed. 

"Um, can I talk to Mom?" The boy mumbled quietly, just barely loud enough for them to hear through the door. 

Natasha was climbing out of bed in seconds and pulling open the door to reveal Peter standing there nervously. 

"Of course you can talk to me. What is it?" 

"Um, can we talk alone?" He stammered, eyes flicking to his dad. 

Natasha's brows raised as she glanced back at Tony, who looked just as clueless as her. 

"Alright." The teacher said slowly, stepping out and closing the door. 

They walked back to his room in a slightly awkward silence, and Peter didn't say anything until they were both sitting on his bed. 

"Um, okay, so you know that project that we have coming up? In your class?" The boy started, fidgeting with his hands. 

"Yes?"

"Well, um, so we just got our partners picked out." He waved his phone in the air slightly, and Nat nodded. 

She'd set up a program to randomly pick pairs for the upcoming project, the information having been sent to their school emails. 

Peter showed her the screen, and she immediately understood his dilemma. His partner was listed as Michelle Jones-Fury. 

"I can't be partners with her. She- Dad- I-" She put him out of his misery, his stuttering making her cringe. 

"I get it, Peter. I'll do what I can to get you guys with other people, but most kids will have already started the project by class tomorrow." The woman explained, rubbing his arm soothingly. 

While she wasn't exactly fond of MJ, them being partners for an assignment wouldn't be the end of the world. 

Still, he looked something akin to uncomfortable, but she couldn't quite decipher what he was feeling. 

"Okay, thank you." He mumbled, dropping his phone. 

"Why didn't you want you dad to hear about this? It's not a big deal." Natasha suddenly asked, tilting her head once again. 

His cheeks flamed. "Oh- I- Um, I just, you know, don't want to bring up her last name because, you know-" 

A grin tugged at her lips from his stuttering. "I get it. That was very considerate of you." 

He couldn't hide the small smile on his face at her compliment. She almost got up to go back to her room then, but paused. She'd have to tell Peter eventually too, right?

"Peter," Nat began slowly, contemplatively. 

"Yeah?" His voice was full of comprehension at her tone. 

"How would you feel about. . . being a big brother?" The redhead questioned, biting her lip. 

The teen looked at her blankly at first, but she could see as it clicked in his head, his eyes widening and mouth dropping open. "Seriously?"

She winced slightly at his loud tone, but his smile was contagious, and soon they were both grinning. "I am." 

_"Oh my god_! Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god!" He was crying out, his voice getting lost in his mumbles as he threw himself at her in excitement. 

"This is amazing! Is it a boy or a girl? How far along are you? When's it due? What's its name?" 

Natasha had to put her hand over his mouth, laughing. "I don't know yet, Peter. I just found out today. I haven't even told your dad yet." 

He seemed amazed. "You told _me_ before him?" 

"I did. I need you to keep it a secret for me, though. I'm going to tell him soon, but I want to do something cheesy." She'd thought of it as she said, and she knew it was true. 

She could imagine the look on his face when she gave him some dumb card, could imagine the way he'd hug her and kiss her and touch her stomach. 

A soft smile had lit up her whole face. "I won't tell, I promise." His words were muffled by her shirt as he shifted his face into her shoulder. 

Nat held him tighter, running her hand through his soft curls and sighing in content. Just months ago, she had no idea this feeling existed. She had no idea she could have so much love in her heart, _feel_ so loved. 

It was the best thing she'd ever known. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> title from headspace by lewis capaldi


	15. to the moon and never back

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> eyyy sorry its taken so long, been working on other stories, also im so sorry :)

Today was going to be amazing. That, Peter was sure of. He knew his dad's upcoming plans, and he also knew his mom's, and he couldn't be more giddy or excited. Waking up that morning, he could sense the excitement and happiness radiating off of both his parents, and knew they could sense it from him. 

It was clear that they both thought he was animated because of their individual plans, but the boy had no doubt they would both be shocked when the day was over. 

He'd gotten a ride to school with Natasha from Happy like normal, given her a huge hug and darted off to class. 

Both Ned and Loki were obviously curious on why he was buzzing with excitement, but all he could tell them was that they'd find out. The day went by _unbearably_ slow. 

He got through all his classes slowly, trying his best to ignore Flash in the ones he had him, and not meeting MJ's eyes in the ones he had her. 

When it finally got to lunch time, he was basically vibrating with energy, his whole face lit up as he talked animatedly to Loki and Ned, who were giving him pretty much the same look of wide eyed shock.

(He pretended not to notice MJ sitting a table away reading a book.)

His next few classes were practically agony, Peter barely able to contain his delight. When it got to his last class of the day, it took everything in him not to immediately barrage his mom with questions, and he managed to wait till the second the bell was ringing for homeroom, and then he was bounding over to her like a puppy. 

" _Mom_! So, how are you going to tell him? When are you going to tell him? Right when you get home?" The teen asked, sitting on her desk. 

Her lips curled up in a grin as she eyed him. "Wanda is taking me to get a cheesy card, and I'll be home probably an hour or so later than usual. Don't worry, everything will go fine." Natasha soothed, crossing her legs. 

Peter's eyes lit up, though not because of what she probably assumed. His dad had asked him to make sure Nat didn't come home right away, and this saved him of having to convince her with some dumb excuse. 

"Awesome!" He cried, and with that, he went back over to his spot to talk with Ned and Loki. 

When finally homeroom was over, Peter had never left the class faster, giving the teacher a hug before running outside. He was met with his Uncle Happy waiting for him in a familiar Audi, and while he normally would have talked the man's ear off, he didn't want to risk spoiling anything, and kept quiet the whole ride. 

Getting home, Peter darted inside as quick as he could, nearly skidding out of the elevator when he got to the right floor. "Dad!" He sang, looking around.

"In here, kiddo." Came the familiar voice, along with a chuckle. 

"Is it all ready?" He rushed out as he caught sight of his dad. 

Tony gave him an incredulous look. "No? You need to calm down, _cucciolo_. How long we got till she comes home?" 

"Little over an hour."

"Great! That's good enough. Get down the new popcorn popper." 

Peter squinted at his dad suspiciously. "Are you sure?"

" _Wha_ -? Oh! No, Pete, just get it down. You are _not_ using it. Not after the incident." The man shook his head, eyes wide. 

Grumpy, but knowing it was for the best, said boy wandered over to get the new machine out and put it on the counter. "Kernels." He mumbled softly, getting them out too. 

"And M&M's!" Tony called like his son wasn't already pulling them out. 

"Are you gonna bombard her with nostalgia and then just pop out the ring?" Peter inquired, wandering over to where his dad was struggling to write something on a slip of paper, but Ebony kept batting at the pen he was using to write.

"Well, I'm hoping it's a bit more romantic than you just made it sound, but yes." He said, sniffing and giving a faux look of sophistication to the boy. 

He merely tilted his head to get a look at what his dad was writing, while absentmindedly reaching forward to pat the cat. 

_Open me up, Sweetheart. ;)_

Peter gagged, his face scrunching up in disgust. "What the _hell_ , Dad?" 

"What? It's going on the ring box!" Tony cried, the most fake innocent look on his face he'd ever seen. 

"You even added a winkie face! It's kinda obvious what you're implying!" 

The millionaire's brow raised in mirth. "Now, you get your head out of the gutter, young man. I never-"

Peter shoved at his dad, giggling, and the older man soon dissolved into laughter as well. "Come with me, kiddo." Tony guided him back into the kitchen, beginning to fix up the popcorn himself. 

"Why? I can't help." Becoming quickly distracted, he noted, "Did you know that we never replaced the fire extinguisher in here? We should probably get a new one." 

"Yes, I know. There's like seven in the lab, though. Anyway," 

Peter laughed at his dad. "Six. Remember when you blew up that one robot dog?"

" _Whatever_ , listen." Tony brushed off, rolling his eyes, and the kid finally brought his full attention to his dad. 

"Alright, bud. I know that you're excited right now and I know you love Nat and I, but I need to know exactly how you feel." Peter frowned and opened his mouth to say something, but Tony continued. "I love Natasha, I love her like I love Pepper, but I will always love you most in this world."

Peter's cheeks flamed as he looked to the ground. 

" _Tesoro_ , what you say, what you think matters to me. And I need to know if you're really okay with this or if you're doing that thing where you pretend everything's fine because you just want everyone else to be happy. If you're not comfortable with this, if this is something that you can never see feeling right to you, then I won't do it. So I need to know now." Tony's eyes bore into his, and Peter could feel tears welling in his own. 

Sniffling, the boy wiped at his eyes. Knowing that his dad loved him that much. . . It was enough to make him emotional. He finally met Tony's matching, chocolate brown gaze. 

"I love Mom. I love her like I loved Mama, and I love you." Peter took a shaky breath as the words spilled out of him. "Before her, I hadn't seen you that happy since I was six. When you're with her, I know how much better you feel. And I can see the same thing with her. You guys love each other, and you guys love me. That's enough for me. So, yeah, I'm okay with it. I'm better than okay with it." 

For a moment neither of them said or did anything. For a moment, both of them just sat there silently with sentiment surrounding them. 

Then Tony moved, pulling Peter into his chest in a crushing hug and running his hand through his curls like he'd done since he was little. 

"I love you, Pete. You know that?" He mumbled. 

"No, not at all." Came the boy's giggled response. 

And with that, they pulled apart and Tony continued with the popcorn. 

Once it was finally made, no fiery incidents at all, Tony left the M&M part to Peter, pulling out his phone to find a certain song to play when Natasha returned home. 

After thoroughly mixing in the candy with the buttery treat, Peter was popping a few of the chocolates in his mouth as he glanced at his dad's phone. "What's that song?"

"It was the one that I played on our first-" Tony cut himself off as his phone began to ring. Shrugging, he answered. 

"Hey, Rogers. Make it snappy, I'm a bit busy." He snarked, and Peter perked up at the mention of his uncle. 

His excitement turned to confusion, though, as his dad's face changed. "What is it? Do you know where he'll be?" 

Peter was damn curious as to what they were talking about, but Tony didn't involve him in anything to do with the mob. It was extremely annoying, if you asked him. He wasn't some dumb kid. 

"What do you mean, he knows her?" The millionaire scoffed, and Peter continued to crunch on his M&M's. "Barton knows _who_?" 

At that, the teen stilled. He knew who Barton was. His Dad had never kept _that_ name from him. 

Peter had also never seen his dad's face fall like it did just then. "How?" 

"Dad?" He mouthed in confusion, but the mob boss wouldn't even meet his eyes. 

Inhaling sharply, Tony swallowed. "Alright. Thank you." Looking to the ground for a moment, he laughed bitterly. "Yeah, I'm sorry too." 

And with that, he hung up. "What was that about? Dad? What's wrong?" Peter demanded, his snack abandoned on the counter. 

It was at that moment that the elevator doors slid open, and in walked a nervously smiling Natasha Romanoff. 

The look slid off her face as she met her boyfriend's gaze, though. "Dad?" Peter prodded yet again. 

"Go to your room, Peter."

"What? But-"

" _Go_." 

His heart pounding, the teen went.  



	16. little by little until there was nothing at all

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> let me just say, i have been planning this chapter specifically since before i even started the story, and i'd be lying if i said i didn't tear up writing it. pretty please read and comment :)

Natasha was nervous as she rode the elevator up to the penthouse. She held the card Wanda had helped her pick out in her left hand, tucked behind her back so she could reveal it after talking to him first. 

While she was nervous, she was also extremely excited. She'd always been the type to picture her future. When she was a kid, she could see herself dancing, and when she was a teen, she could see herself as a teacher if she lived that long. 

Now, she could see herself as a mother, and it was the most wonderful feeling. 

When the doors opened up, she stepped out with a bounce in her step. And then she saw the look on Tony's face. Her good mood plummeted. 

When her boyfriend sent Peter to his room, a sense of dread filled her. He'd never sounded like that before, not to her. 

"Tony?" Nat questioned softly once Peter was out of earshot. 

"Hey, _Sweetheart_." the brunet spat, the usually loving nickname filled with malice. "Anything you want to tell me about your bestie?" 

She inhaled sharply. "Tony, please, let me explain."

"Explain what? Explain that you've known all about Clint Barton even before I told you how he gunned down my wife?" 

Natasha flinched. "Tony, please-"

"Please _what_ , Natasha? Please understand? Understand that you've kept this from me for months? You're best friends with the man that murdered my son's mother!" He shouted incredulously, unfathomable amounts of rage in his face. 

"I'm not! Not anymore! The second I knew he was part of Shield, I cut him out of my life!" 

"Oh, that makes it all better! He's a murderer, Natasha. He kills innocent people just because he's told to." Both of them were breathing heavy, and Nat could feel tears gathering in her eyes. 

"So do you!" She cried, trembling in anger and in so many other emotions she couldn't begin to describe. "You- You killed Phil Coulson! You're a killer too, Tony. You just get to choose who dies." 

It came out _wrong_. It came out so, so wrong. His features darkened. "Wait, that's not what I-"

"Phil Coulson? He was part of Shield too. He tried shooting me, I shot back. Barton was my target but I don't regret killing Coulson."

The redhead could feel her breath trembling and her hands sweating profusely, and all she could think was, _oh god, I messed up._

"That's not what I meant. It came out wrong. Tony, please. When I met you, I didn't know. I didn't know a damn thing about any mobs or who he'd killed. And when I found out, I couldn't just tell you and let him die. I couldn't." Natasha whispered, her voice shaking. 

"Like I'm supposed to believe that? You knew him the whole damn time! Has anything you've ever said to me been truthful? Anything at all?" Tony snarled, throwing his hands out with a scoff. 

"Yes! Everything has been! I have _never_ lied to you, Tony. I- I may have kept that one thing from you, but you weren't exactly truthful with me from the start! You didn't tell me you were a fucking mob boss!"

"It's not exactly something I advertise! I have enemies, as you so obviously know, I wasn't just going to tell you right off the bat!" 

She had a slight hysterical look in her eyes when she replied. "We were together for months! You didn't think that maybe, just _maybe_ you should've told me so I didn't get fucking kidnapped?"

Tony shook with anger, a pissed look on his face. "You think I don't know I should've told you? I admitted that to you, I told you that, and I also said that I was damn sorry. I seem to remember you accepting the fucking apology."

"And I did! I do, I forgave that, I _understand_." Nat stressed, stepping forward. 

"Great! You understand! I don't! I don't understand how the fuck you could keep that from me when you know what he did! When you know what I want to do to him!" He roared. 

"Its _because_ I know what you want to do! He was my best friend! I loved him, and I couldn't just lead him to his death! He was my family!" 

"I thought _we_ were your family!" The mob boss cried, shuddering, _seething_ with anger. "I thought I was your family, I thought my kid was your family. I thought you understood that he had to die." 

"Maybe he does." Natasha admitted, shrugging helplessly as her eyes stung. "Maybe he deserves to die, I'm not the judge of that. But his family doesn't. His wife and his kids. My niece and nephews, the woman I considered a sister, they don't deserve to die."

Tony huffed out a disbelieving laugh. "You think we'd kill innocent people? You think we'd kill children? You think I would kill a kid? I have one of my own! I had a wife, and no matter how much Barton deserves to die, I would never put that pain on anybody else! I'm not some heartless fucking murderer, Natasha! Anybody and everybody that I've ever hurt, they deserved it!"

"I think if they got in your way, then you wouldn't care who was in front of you, Tony! You become so filled with anger when you even hear his name, how am I supposed to know how you'd react to seeing him? To being in his home near his family?" 

"Is that how little you think of us? Of me?" Tony asked, his face crumpling, filling with sadness that mixed so terribly with the anger that was already there. 

"How was I supposed to know?" Nat yelled, her voice breaking as her tears finally fell. "You don't talk to me about what you do. I've seen that other side of you _once_. How was I supposed to know? How do I just know when you won't talk to me?" 

"Talking, communicating, is a two way street, Natasha!" He cried, exasperated. "How am I supposed to know that you want to know about what I do when you don't ask? I thought that maybe killing and extorting people wasn't the most lovely conversation topic." 

"That's not- Quit twisting my words around, Tony! I'm just trying to say that neither of us were exactly honest with each other. You can't blame me for this."

"Blame you? _Blame you_? You damn well bet I'm blaming you! He murdered my fucking wife, and you have the audacity to defend him?"

Natasha wiped he tears away angrily but they just kept coming. "I'm not defending him. I'm just not marching him to the slaughter. Do you know how I met him? Do you know that when I was sixteen, I stood on the edge of a bridge and almost jumped? He stopped me. He saved me. No matter what he's done, I could not be the cause of his death." 

"Maybe it wouldn't have been so bad! Maybe everything would have been a hell of a lot better if he'd held your hand and _leapt off with you!"_

Nothing could have prepared her for the feeling that struck her then, the horror, the sadness, anger, but most of all, the absolute devastation. 

A shuddering breath left her as her eyes dropped to the ground for a moment, but she forced herself to look back at him. 

His face held absolutely no regret at his words, and it was then that she knew she lost him. "Yeah," Natasha croaked, "probably."

"Makes sense, huh? How the woman I decide to marry turns out to be in cahoots with the man that killed my wife." He muttered bitterly, and her eyes widened, her head shooting up. 

"That's right. I wanted to marry you. I wanted to have a life with you." Tony spat, pulling out a ring box and gesturing loosely with it. He threw it in the ground. 

Natasha knew it then, knew no begging or pleading or compromising would fix this, fix them. "Tony. . ."

His eyes flashed to hers. "I can't do this with you anymore, Natasha. Not with you." Shakily, the man swallowed. "I need you to get out. Your old place is still payed for. I'll have your things brought to you." 

Her hand had squeezed around the card by now, the paper crumpled in her shaking hand. "Tony." Came her pained wheeze, her face anguished.

"Get out. Get the fuck out of my house!" The brunet screamed, and Natasha flinched back, tears rolling down her face. 

"I'm sorry, Tony. I'm so sorry." The teacher whispered, barely audible, and she obeyed. 

As she turned to leave, she caught Peter's red, tearful eyes peeking out from his door. It broke her entire heart. 

As she stepped back into the elevator, Nat could feel his angry eyes burning into her, and she couldn't look at him, couldn't face his rage. 

Her hands flexed around the paper as she left, her eyes focusing on it so she didn't focus on everything that just happened, everyth that was just said. 

Stepping out into the street, she couldn't help but wonder where she went from there. What was she supposed to do now? How was she supposed to go back to school and see Peter? How was she supposed to ever move on from this? 

Focusing on her hands, she never saw it coming. She didn't know what happened even as it happened. 

All she knew was what she felt, a fiery, white hot pain, worse than anything she'd ever experienced before. Her ears were ringing as she blinked rapidly, her gaze dropping to her midsection. 

There, in the center of her stomach was a patch of spreading crimson. "Oh." The redhead breathed, and her legs crumpled from beneath her. 

Natasha fell to the cold ground, blood seeping from her faster than she could comprehend. 

Too busy with their screaming match, they never could have known Shield was staging an attack. 

And with tears glistening on her face, gasping for breath, the card in her hand fell to the ground, quickly getting soaked in blood, forgotten. 

_I've got a bun in my oven, and you're the baker. ;)_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> title from before you go by lewis capaldi


	17. i know it's a little late, but i'm calling, dear

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> first up, i didn't get to sleep until 5am because i was writing this, so you're welcome 😌 and second off, i'm really sorry :(

Tony stood in the living room, his whole body shaking with the weight of the conversation, tears stubbornly pricking his eyes as he tried not to break down. He knew Peter had likely heard all of that, but he didn't have it in him to go soothe the boy, not yet. 

A sudden gunshot made his whole body flinch. He knew that sound like the back of his hand and that. . . that was too close. 

A terror like nothing he'd ever felt before hit him as he tensed. Before he could even react, Peter was running out of his room, stumbling to a stop next to his dad, panting and wiping away his tears. "Mom." Was all he could wheeze out before he was sprinting for the stairs, no doubt too impatient and worried to stop for the elevator. 

" _Peter_!" The gutteral roar escaped him and he wasted no time pulling a handgun out from under the table and running to the elevator. He could only hope he beat his son down there. 

All he could think was, _oh god, please don't let me lose them both._

The elevator took too long, it always seemed like that when he was in a rush, and when the doors finally slid open, his son was running into the street. 

The street where Natasha lay in a puddle of her own blood. "Peter! Natasha!" Tony screamed, flinging the door open and lunging forward to grab his son by the shirt, yanking him back. 

"No! Dad, stop! _Mom_!" The boy shrieked, fighting against his dad's grip. 

"Get inside! Now! Call them all!" The mob boss demanded, hiding behind one of his cars with his son, before shoving him back to the door. 

He could not risk Peter being shot. He couldn't. "Dad! _Dad_ , she's pregnant!" Peter sobbed as he obliged, quickly ducking back inside. 

Tony felt his insides turn to ice. It was stupid, he knew it, but he didn't even spare a glance at his surroundings before sprinting out of cover to get to her. The look on her face nearly broke him. 

She screamed when he picked her up, but he didn't have time for slow and gentle, just barely dodging the gunfire that pelted their surroundings before he made it back behind the car. 

"T'ny." Nat whined, letting out a shuddering sob. Her hands were clenched over her stomach and he could see the devastation on her face. 

"I know." He whispered, "I know. I'm so sorry. _Oh god_ , I'm so sorry. It's gonna be okay, it's gonna be okay, baby." 

With her on the ground beside him, he risked getting up to try and spot them, shooting in the general direction of where the first round of gunfire came from. 

It was immediately returned, and Tony dropped, letting out a shaky breath. "T'ny." Nat whined again, reaching one of her hands up to grip his shirt. " _Baby_."

"I know. I know. I'm gonna get you help. You and the baby are going to be okay, you got me? You'll be okay." He promised, smiling weakly as he pushed her hair out of his face like he'd done so many times before. 

She let out a pitiful sob. "'M sorry. 'M so sorry." 

"Me too, Nat. Me too." He was more sorry than words could ever tell, and he knew that if- No, _when_ she made it out of this, they had to talk. 

"Come out here, Stark!" A furious voice yelled, and he could recognize it as Nick Fury. 

It was then that at least three vehicles pulled up at a screeching halt. A sadistic grin painted Tony's lips then. "We'll come out, alright!" He yelled right back, watching as his team members piled out of the cars, immediately ducking behind cover and tossing weapons to each other. 

This ended now. But Tony couldn't be here for it. "Rhodes!" He cried, and his friend was quick to sprint over, firing at the enemy as he went. 

"Holy shit. That's a lot of blood. She's gotta get to a hospital, man." He exclaimed quietly, hands hovering over the woman unsurely. 

"I know that, dipshit! I need you to help me get her to the car. I can't carry her and defend myself." 

Natasha's eyes were glazed over now, and he knew she wasn't getting any of their conversation. 

"I've got your back. Always. Let's do this." Rhodey nodded, determined, and he got himself in a ready position. 

Tony hoisted Natasha into his arms, wincing at her low moan, and he shifted. "Now." 

Tony threw himself forward, running as fast as his legs could take him and keeping his eyes on the car only a few yards away. 

When a bullet landed in his shoulder, he almost tipped forward, crying out, but the weight in his arms kept him upright, and he was diving into the vehicle the next second. 

"Step on it!" The brunet gasped, barely looking up enough to see that it was Bruce in the driver's seat, before they were lurching down the road. 

Tony held his hands firmly against Natasha's wound, choosing not to acknowledge the slick, red blood coating his hands and clothes, coating _everything_.

"L've you. . . l've Peter." The redhead slurred, her chin trembling. 

His sharp gaze met hers. "Hey. Don't you dare try to say goodbye to me. You're not dying. I made a promise, Nat. I'm not losing you. We're not losing you." 

Her tearful eyes could barely focus on him. "I'm not afraid. . . to snark at anyone." Natasha panted, tears rolling down her face. 

Tony sucked in a sharp breath, the throwback to their first date a knife in his heart. "I- I-"

Her pleading gaze met his, and his defenses crumbled. "You're making it seem like I'm not special, Sweetheart." He whispered, voice breaking. 

Nat gave him a shaky smile then, and her eyes fluttered closed. Tony's smile fell. "No! Natasha! Bruce, we need to be there, now!" He screamed. 

"I'm going as fast as I can! We're almost there!" The doctor cried back, and he wasn't lying. Not a single traffic law was being obeyed. 

"Wake up! Nat, wake up! You don't get to do this! You don't get to be done, not now! Not when I haven't gotten to marry you yet!" Tony let out a sob, pulling her limp body closer in his arms. 

"Baby, please. Sweetheart." He was thrown into the memories before he could take another breath. 

_He remembered Natasha, swirling her drink in her hand, looking uninterested. "How about you and I go back to my place, Sweetheart?" The fire in her eyes had intrigued him, had drawn him in._

_He remembered watching her interact with his son like it was the easiest thing in the world. "So, what movie did you want to watch, Peter?" She'd said it so casually, so inviting, and it was then that he knew that she was different from all the others._

_He remembered falling in love with her, rain pelting down on them and ruining their picnic. "You coming?" Her hair had been in her face, her clothes soaked, but still, she looked at him with such a happy and bright look on her face, and his mood couldn't help but imitate hers._

_He remembered seeing in her eyes when she fell in love with him, hope igniting in him as she opened her mouth to say the words. "I. . . need some air." Even with the slight disappointment that she hadn't said it, he'd been smiling as she left, because he_ knew _._

_He remembered finding her in that old warehouse after Shield had taken her, his eyes immediately finding every cut and bruise, and he'd been so, so worried. "Don't shoot." She'd joked, and something in him was just so relieved that Shield hadn't managed to put out that fire in her._

_He remembered finding out about her relapse, remembered finding her in the kitchen breaking down. "It's getting bad again, Tony. I-" But even with all that hurt, her fire still burned. He'd held her then, he'd promised everything would be okay because he knew it would be._

_He remembered her coming home and scolding them over something dumb, like Pepper would have done. "Please tell me you've got the straps on. We don't need any holes in the walls." It had been so sickeningly sweet and domestic, and it was what he wanted forever._

_He remembered all of this, plus so much more, and he knew that losing it would be the worst mistake of his life._

Tony bursted through the hospital doors, shouting, the love of his life laying limp in his arms. All he could say as they took her away was, "Save her! She's pregnant, save her!" He repeated it, maybe out loud, maybe in his head, until she was taken from his arms and led somewhere he wasn't allowed. 

* * *

Someone had sewn up his shoulder at some point, that much he knew from the tightness in his skin as he walked. Happy had brought Peter to the hospital a little while ago and was staying with him in Natasha's room as Tony left to take care of some unfinished business once and for all.

He'd just climbed out of the car, his fingers itching to reach for his gun, but he knew it wasn't necessary, not yet. 

The sun was just beginning to rise as he finally made his way over to the rest of them, his face impossibly blank. 

There, in the middle of the street, was Shield. Each and every one of them were lined up on their knees, facing him. Facing them. 

Next to Tony stood Steve and Rhodey, behind them Bruce, and behind their hostages, Wanda and Thor. 

His eyes raked over them all slowly. Wanda had a bandage on her arm, presumably from a gunshot, but other than that, his people were unharmed. 

Shield, though, not so much. His gaze hardened into a glare as he looked them over. He knew every damn thing about all of them. 

Leopald Fitz and his wife Jemma Simmons were kneeled beside each other, hands clasped as they both trembled slightly. Next to them was Daisy Johnson, who's eyes were locked firmly on the ground. Then Melinda May and Antoine Triplett, who bravely met his glare with scowls of their own. 

After that was Nick Fury, flanked on either side by his right hand women, Maria Hill and Carol Danvers. And finally, at the end was Clint Barton. 

The man that killed his wife. The man that. . .

Tony swallowed roughly, and he walked forward, coming to a stop in front of the man and crouching down. It would've been a stupid move, had his friends not had their guns aimed at them. 

"Tell me, why shouldn't I kill you now? Why shouldn't I splatter your brains across the pavement and let the whole world see?" He asked lowly, his dark eyes piercing into the other man's. 

"I don't know, staying out of prison, maybe?" Barton snarked, and a red hot rage filled Tony. 

He stood in an instant, pulling out his pistol and aiming it at Simmons' head. She seemed like a sweet girl, someone Shield all cared for. 

"No!" Her husband yelled, but Tony didn't pay him any mind, eyes locked on Barton's. 

"This street is empty right now for a reason, _Clint_. Nobody would give a rat's ass if I killed all of you and left your bodies in the road to rot!" He yelled, gesturing with his gun. "So tell me, Clint fucking Barton, why shouldn't I kill you right now?" 

He seemed slightly terrified at the crazed look on Tony's face, but all the millionaire felt at that was satisfaction. 

"B-Because I have a family! I have kids! Please, m-my youngest, he's only three. Please don't take me from my children." He pleaded, holding his hands out in a surrender. 

"I do too, you know." Tony conversed, dropping his hand. Then he chuckled darkly. "Did, I guess. Because I did have two kids. I had an unborn baby daughter, and you killed her." He shoved the gun against Barton's skull. 

"You shot your friend in the stomach, killing our fucking child. The same friend who risked everything for you! She didn't tell me about you because of your family! Because she cared so much about _your_ family. And you couldn't even be considerate enough not to shoot her!" 

The man had tears welling in his eyes, that much, Tony could see, but it was too damn little, way too late. 

"Bitch probably deserved it." Fury growled. 

Wanda was the one to put a bullet in his head. Nobody flinched. "Tell me why I shouldn't kill a man that murders innocent women and innocent babies? Tell me." 

He watched the spark in Barton's eyes slowly fade, watched as the cold acceptance enveloped him. "Tell my family I love them. Please." 

Even being the monster he was, he gave him that. A firm nod, a small confirmation that his family would be okay once he was gone. 

With that, Tony shot Clint Barton in the middle of the head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> title from headspace by lewis capaldi


	18. heavy from the hurt inside my veins

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the angst in this one... yikes. thank you guys all for the comments! im sorry im not that quick with updates, i really have been working on this chapter for a while but i just haven't been in a good headspace so it took me a while, sorry..

When Natasha woke, she wished she hadn't. There was a dull, pulsing pain in her stomach, and the hospital smell immediately barraged her senses, making her fingers twitch where they lied by her sides. 

And she just _knew_. She could feel it. Her eyes slipped open slowly, and her head lolled to the side where she heard soft breathing. 

Her eyes fell on Peter, sitting beside her with his legs pulled up to his chest and his head hanging. The soft sniffles leaving the boy broke her heart. 

"Why the tears?" Nat croaked, smiling weakly, and watched as his head snapped up. 

"Mom!" He breathed, scooting closer to her and dropping his feet to the ground. "We- We didn't know if- You almost-" 

His voice broke and the redhead reached a pale hand up to brush his tears away. "It's okay, мой щенок. Don't cry." 

Peter's lips pressed together, his tear filled eyes meeting hers. "Mom. . . The- The baby. . ."

"I know." Natasha murmured, interrupting him and struggling to hold back her own tears. 

Without another thought, he was wrapping his arms around her and hugging her tight. 

The ache in her stomach increased a bit, but she ignored it, squeezing him back just as tight. "I'm so sorry." He whimpered, trembling in her arms. 

She shifted, scooting over so there was room for him to climb into the bed with her. He did so eagerly, curling into her side. "You didn't do anything wrong, Peter."

For a little while they just lied there, Natasha's hand slowly sifting through his dark curls as he stared at the cloth of her hospital gown. 

"I wasn't supposed to be listening, but I heard the doctor talking to Dad." He admitted softly. 

Natasha's eyes slowly found his. "Yeah?" 

"She said it was a girl." 

They fell back into silence then, and she curled her arms around him just a little more. Tears pricked at her eyes once again, and she didn't fight them. 

She wondered if their daughter would have had her hair. Maybe Tony's eyes. All she knew was that she would have loved her so, _so_ much. 

The salty droplets left tracks on her face as she cried silently, and the ache in her heart was worse than the one in her stomach. 

* * *

Happy had come into the room at some point after that, settling into the chair next to the one Peter had occupied. 

He gave her a sincere look, and she returned it. That was the whole of their interaction. It was all either of them could muster. 

Not long after that, a doctor entered, a small, sad smile on her face as she saw Peter, asleep in Natasha's arms. 

"Hi, Miss Romanoff, I'm Dr. Cho. I've got a few things I need to talk to you about." She greeted quietly. She had a gentle voice. 

"Of course." Nat nodded to her with as much of a smile as she could muster. 

"Would you like some privacy?" Dr. Cho asked, glancing at Happy. He looked ready to leave the room if she wanted. 

"No, no, he's fine." She assured, and if she was being honest with herself, she was surprised she hadn't broken down yet. 

"Of course, ma'am. We did everything we could to save your life, and your baby's, but there were complications during the surgery. I'm afraid that your baby didn't make it. I'm so sorry." The doctor told her, voice impossibly soft. 

Natasha cleared her throat at the sudden lump on it, smiling shakily. "I know. If. . . If there's anything else?"

"Unfortunately, there is one more thing. The bullet broke into pieces when it embedded itself in your stomach, Miss Romanoff. Retrieving them all was necessary to save your life, but there was damage to parts of your uterus, the fallopian tubes, and I'm afraid that has rendered you sterile. I'm extremely sorry." Dr. Cho told her, speaking hesitantly and slowly as if she didn't want to hurt her. 

Natasha could feel her breathing picking up and just nodded shakily. "Thank you, Dr. Cho." 

And with that, the woman left. "I'm sorry, Nat." Happy murmured softly, but she didn't respond. 

The redhead's hand faltered in her son's hair, trying to steady her breathing. All of her thoughts of her future, of a little kid running between hers and Tony's legs, of a toddler looking back at them as Peter taught them to ride a bike, or of first birthdays and first steps. . . _All of it_ , it was gone. 

She could _never_ have a baby, could never have another child. Natasha squeezed her eyes closed and dropped her head onto the pillow. The tears got through regardless.

* * *

She must've fallen asleep again at some point, because when she woke, she could hear Happy talking softly to someone. Maybe if she weren't so utterly exhausted, she would've opened her eyes and interacted with them. 

"I don't know how to tell her, Happy." 

That was Tony. Natasha's hands curled around Peter a bit more. "She'll get it, Tony. She'll probably have wished she'd done it herself when she finds out it was him." Happy responded to him, and Nat fought to keep any confusion off her face. 

What happened? Who did what? Peter made a soft noise in his sleep, burrowing his face into her shoulder. It sent a blooming warmth to her heart, and for a moment she almost forgot about the pain of losing her other child. 

"I messed up, Happy. I messed up bad." She heard Tony say quietly, a bone deep exhaustion in his voice. 

"Just talk to her, Boss." 

After that, their conversation stopped, and Natasha could hear Tony settling into the seat Peter had vacated. 

"I'm sorry, Sweetheart." He whispered. 

She ignored the way her chest tightened at the sadness in his voice, and she let herself drift off once again.

* * *

"I can see your fingers twitching, Nat." Tony sighed. The teacher sighed quietly. "Talk to me. _Please_ , Natasha." 

Her eyes slid open to meet his, and she noted that Peter was where Happy had been sitting, his head bent in a weird angle as he snored softly. 

"There's those emerald green beauties." Tony teased gently, a small, hurt smile on his face. 

"What do you want me to say, Tony?" She sighed out, tiredly looking to him. She swallowed as he looked away for a moment, pain on his face. 

"I don't know. Anything." The brunet mumbled wearily, running his hand through his messy hair. 

Natasha noticed that wasn't the only messy thing about him. His clothes were rumpled, tie loose from being tugged at, and there were dark circles under his eyes. Of course, she knew he'd be hurt too by losing their baby, but she hadn't really processed it until now, hadn't seen with her own eyes how much he was hurting. 

"I'm sorry." She finally decided on, struggling to sit up, even as she felt a flare of pain from her stomach. 

He seemed like he wanted to reach out to her, to make her lie back down, but he didn't. "Why?" 

"I didn't tell you. I know you're mad, and I'm sorry that I hurt you. I'm sorry that I broke your trust, and I get it if we're over. But I don't regret it." Natasha explained lowly, not wanting to meet his eyes but doing it anyway. 

Something like surprise flashed in Tony's eyes, and he opened his mouth to say something, but she beat him to it. "I don't regret protecting those kids. I don't regret protecting Laura."

The millionaire rubbed his hand over his face. "I know, Nat. I've had a bit to think about it. If it were me, if I had been in your situation, I would've done the same thing." He uttered, his voice hoarse. 

Natasha was rendered speechless. "God knows if it was Rhodey, if he had kids. . ." His eyes flicked from Peter to her. "I get it. I understand, and I forgive you." 

Tears welled in the teacher's eyes again. "I would've said yes." She whispered. 

A shocked look enveloped him. 

"To your proposal. If everything had been different. If. . . I would've said yes." Nat admitted roughly. 

Tony's face crumpled then. "Can. . . Can I hold you?" He whispered, begged. 

All she could do was nod, and he was quickly occupying the space Peter had taken up however long ago. 

Natasha whimpered slightly at the throb in her stomach as he gathered her in his arms, and she dropped her head onto his chest like she'd done so many times before. 

Tony brushed her hair behind her ear, continuously running his fingers across her scalp, a movement he knew always soothed her. "It's gonna be okay, Nat. It's going to be okay." He murmured, breathing deeply. No matter how much he tried to relax, the ache in his chest never ceased.

The redhead rapidly blinked as her eyes stung again. She couldn't see his face from where her head rested near his heart, but she could feel the pain radiating from him. She could just tell that he wasn't okay. And neither was she. 

The tears began to fall, and she gave up trying to fight them. "I wanted a baby, Tony." Natasha breathed, her voice unbelievably small.

He took a moment to respond. "I know."

"I wanted a baby. I want a baby." She gripped his shirt like a child as the choked words fell from her lips. 

"I know. I know, Natasha." Tony whispered. 

"It's not fair, Tony. It's not fair. I want my baby." The cries spilled from her, her eyes squeezing shut. "I want my baby." 

Tony's breaths trembled in his chest. "I know."

He expected it when she began to sob, her whole body shaking, and all he could do was hold her a little closer. 

Natasha turned her face into his shirt, muffled wails escaping her as she begged for her baby back, as she cried for what she'd lost. 

"It'll be okay." Tony whispered, voice dusty as tears rolled down his face. He wasn't sure who he was trying to convince.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> title from i can't carry this anymore by anson seabra


	19. feel it heavy in my bones now

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heyy guys im really sorry it's taken me so long to update but ive just not been in a good place lately and ive been really struggling to write, but i finally managed to finish this chapter so here y'all go :)

Natasha would like to say that she was shocked when Tony told her that Clint was the one who'd shot her, that her heart had dropped into her stomach, that she could feel horror seeping into her veins. 

But she wasn't. She'd just looked to him, and she'd felt a cold, distant acceptance. "Where is he?" Was all she could muster, picking at the threads of the sheet over her legs. 

"Gone." Tony answered softly after a moment's hesitation. Her eyes left his, focusing on her fidgeting fingers. 

"You?" Nat murmured, her voice thick. 

"Yeah. Fury too." 

She felt his hand on her hair as her eyes slid closed, and she just breathed. "How long ago?" 

He looked at her for a long time, his hand stroking repetitively against her scalp. "Yesterday." His voice rumbled in his chest, and Natasha could feel it vibrate against the side of her head that lied there. 

"Does. . . Does his family know?" The redhead asked quietly. 

His only response was gently nudging her phone into her hand. Her eyes slid open then, gazing at the missed calls and messages from Laura and Lila. 

She even had a message from Cooper, and she couldn't make herself open it. Sniffling softly, she called Laura back. 

_"N-Nat? Nat, are you there_?" Came her honorary sister's shaky greeting. 

"Hey, Laura. I'm here." Natasha murmured, tilting her head tiredly.

" _Nat. Nat, Clint's dead. He's- He's dead_." The other woman cried, voice breaking. Natasha was pretty sure she could hear the kids crying in the background. 

"I know." For some reason, the tears wouldn't come. She couldn't make herself be sad he was gone, couldn't make herself tell Laura she was sorry, because she wasn't. 

_"W-What? You know? H-How_?" Came her surprised response. 

"He's dead because he shot me, Laura." Nat told her, her voice void of emotion.

The rest of the conversation, she didn't really remember. It was like watching it through distant, blurry glass. 

And distantly, she watched Tony pull the phone from her hand and gather her in his arms. She fell back into a dreamless sleep.

* * *

It had been a few days since she'd woken up, Natasha noted absentmindedly, her eyes tracing the spotted pattern of the ceiling for what seemed to be the millionth time. 

"It's got school roof." She murmured, her eyes never leaving the tiles. She'd seen the same ceiling in every single classroom in her school, and every other school she'd been in. 

Tony looked up from his spot in the chair beside her and blinked. "Huh." 

Their conversations had pretty much been like this for the the majority of the time. Nat didn't know if it was because she didn't want to really talk, or if she _couldn't_ really talk. 

More than anything, she was just so fucking tired. 

"Natasha?" 

Dull, green eyes slid over to meet concerned, chocolate brown ones. "Yeah?"

"Would you still say yes?" Tony questioned, his eyes meeting hers wearily. 

She didn't have to wonder what he meant, figuring it out in a split second. Her brain supplied her her answer before she could even process it. 

She loved Tony. Tony loved her. And yeah, they had problems to work out, but didn't everyone? 

"Yes." Came the soft rasp, and she shifted towards her boyfriend. "Yes."

Shakily, the brunet pulled a familiar box from his pocket. "Yes?" He prodded once more. 

This time, she only nodded. When he slid the small ring onto her finger, it fit her perfectly. Distantly, she wondered when he'd gotten her size, but for now, she just stared down at it. 

"It's beautiful." 

That was the only reassurance he needed to slump slightly in relief and take her hand in his. "I would've done the whole drawn out, emotional proposal, but. . ." Tony trailed off, shrugging slightly and giving her a small smile. 

"We're both too tired for that, Darling. Raincheck?" Natasha sighed out, barely managing to lift the corners of her lips in a lazy grin.

"You got it, Sweetheart." The mob boss chimed, then after a moment, continued with, "You ready for tonight?" 

He was referring to the fact that she was finally being discharged, the hospital having no reason to keep her there any longer. 

"I am." The redhead answered, and it wasn't a lie.

* * *

Despite how grateful she was to Happy for driving them home, Natasha couldn't even muster a smile at him, just doing all she could to put one foot in front of the other. 

Tony led her inside with his arm around her, tucking her close, but she still saw the spots of dried blood in the road. She should've felt something. Anger, sadness, horror. She didn't. 

"Mom? Dad?" Peter called softly from his room as they stepped inside, both of them instinctively kicking off their shoes. 

"Hey, _cucciolo_. You alright?" Tony greeted as Natasha padded over to the couch and immediately lowered herself onto it. 

"I'm not a baby anymore, Dad. I was fine for an hour." The teen replied, though his voice lacked any heat. 

Hesitantly, he trudged over to the sofa, eyes flicking to his mom's face. Nat eyed him with a small frown. 

"C'mere. She commanded, knowing exactly what he wanted, and was rewarded with the brunet curling up beside her with his head in her lap. 

Natasha's hands slid into his curls almost immediately, and she felt the weight of her, well, fiance, settle beside her. 

All of them leaning against each other, they didn't say a word. Nothing needed to be said. They all knew what the others were thinking.

* * *

It was strange, seeing his family so torn up, yet not shedding a tear, she thought. 

Laura was a mess, tears streaming down her face without fail, and not so quiet sobs escaping her every few moments, but she wasn't nearly as bad as the kids. 

Lila and Cooper both stood beside their mom, shuddering and sniffling with every breath, and Nate was just wailing. His face was buried in his mother's leg as he cried and pleaded for his dad to come back. 

Natasha could feel their cries like a knife in her heart, yet she couldn't make herself be sad for the man that had saved her life all those years ago. 

She couldn't make herself miss him, couldn't look sympathetically to Laura. Because Clint had killed her baby, and that was something that had washed away every joke they'd ever shared and every tear filled conversation, every concerned glance and comforting gesture. 

Her best friend had murdered her child, and it had cost him his life and every bit of affection she'd ever had for him. 

"I'm sorry." Nat whispered to the crying family before they left, because she was sorry. 

She was sorry that Clint had turned into the person he was, had done the things he'd done. She was sorry that he'd ever saved her sixteen year old self. 

"I know." Laura croaked, smiling shakily and pulling her into a one armed hug. 

And then the family of four was gone, and she was staring at his coffin, and she didn't _feel_. 

She didn't feel anything. Not sadness, not anger, not hate. Not anything. She was numb, and tired, and she'd had enough of it. 

Later, when Happy was driving her home, she stared out the window and wondered _why._ Why was she even here?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> title from i can't carry this anymore by anson seabra (again)


	20. i need a reason to not throw the fight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im really sorry my updates are taking so long, im really busy lately, in a bad headspace, and could possibly have covid-
> 
> comments are really the only thing keeping me writing so please tell me yalls thoughts :)
> 
> tw: suicide attempt

For the first few days home, Natasha stood in the bathroom and stared at herself. She hadn't meant for it to become a habit, hadn't meant to do it at all really. 

She'd been tired, exhausted, and had just barely managed to convince herself to take a bath, with light suggestion coming from Tony, too. 

And then after she'd stripped, she caught sight of the mirror, and she couldn't help but stop and stare. The scars on her hips and thighs were pale against her slightly darker skin, and she mindlessly scratched at the nearly healed scabs of her most recent self inflicted wounds. 

Then came the sutured bullet wound on her stomach, a few centimeters up and to the right of her belly button. Nat ran her fingers lightly against the injury, hissing at the slight sting it brought. 

She couldn't help but wonder, like she'd been doing so often lately, _why_? Why did she do this to herself? Why did Tony put up with it? Why was she still here? Why?

Just like that day, just like most days, Natasha had observed herself in the mirror, and had slid into the bathtub, with a tired sigh. She let her arms float limply at her sides, closing her eyes as she rested her head against the porcelain.

Most people would get bored, sitting there and doing nothing, they'd want a book to entertain them, or they'd look around, just thinking or talking to themselves or _anything_ , but not her. 

The redhead just lied there. She could feel her hair brushing lightly against her shoulders and sighed. She'd always loved how soft hair looked and felt under water. 

Under water. Her usual thoughts began to float through her mind again, and she shifted. The most prominent one was always in her thoughts, every waking moment. 

_Why_? 

Why did Clint save her all those years ago? Why did he shoot her? Why did Tony pick her up in that bar? Why did he leave his number on her suicide note of all things? Why did he stay? Why did she fall in love with him? 

But most of all, _why was she still here_? She didn't feel anymore. She didn't want to be here anymore. 

Natasha could feel her breaths becoming shaky at the thought. Before, she wouldn't have hesitated, she'd have just gotten it done and it would've been over. 

Now, she had Tony to think of. She had Peter. She had Wanda, and Steve, and everyone else that would no doubt miss her. 

Knowing that Peter, her baby boy would be crying his eyes out at her funeral, it was enough to make tears sting her tightly closed eyes. 

"I'm sorry." The teacher whispered quietly, because she was. She was sorry that she was going to break her promise, sorry that they would lose her. But she wasn't sorry she was going. 

Taking a deep breath and letting it all out, Nat slowly began to lower herself under the water. 

She winced slightly as her ears filled with water. It was something she'd always hated. And finally, she was completely submerged, and couldn't help but open her eyes, watching her wavy hair float in front of her face. 

Her lungs burned for air after just a few seconds, and she finally stopped holding her breath. Water invaded her lungs immediately, and despite her instinct to cough it up, she clenched her fists and squeezed her eyes shut. 

Her body shook as she struggled not to move, choking with every non-breath. Her head was pounding and everything felt muted. 

Maybe if her eyes were open, she would've heard Tony knocking at the door, and then bursting in when he didn't hear a response. 

As her vision began to go dark, hands were suddenly tugging at her shoulders, yanking her out of the water, and her eyes flew open as she coughed and spluttered, hands coming up to grip at Tony's dress shirt.

Natasha could feel herself trembling in his arms, and she knew that she was going to have bruises with how hard he was holding her. 

"Jesus Christ, Natasha." The millionaire whispered, sounding terrified. 

The redhead finally met his eyes, still coughing slightly. Tony stared her down, tears shining in his eyes, before he pulled her out of the tub and into his arms. 

They were sat on the ground and she still didn't have any clothes on, but Tony didn't seem to care at all. 

"You don't get to do that." He choked out, his voice rumbling in his chest. "You don't get to go." 

A soft sob left her then as she wrapped her arms around his neck. "I'm sorry. I'm s-sorry." 

Tony had one hand on the back of her head, holding her close. "What am I supposed to do without you, Nat? How am I supposed to go on with my life if you're gone?" He whispered, taking long deep breaths.

"How am I supposed to live without her, Tony?" She returned, voice breaking, and he could only hold her tighter. 

Sniffling and blinking rapidly to hold back her tears, Natasha took a rattling breath. "I wanna go, Tony. I wanna be done."

Tony just breathed. "I won't let you. I'm not letting you go." Closing his eyes, he let his tears fall. "This isn't something that I can just let go, Natasha. You need help." 

"I don't want help." She replied, not looking at him. 

"I don't care." He hissed, making her still in shock. "I don't care that you don't want help. I'm getting you help. You're going to be okay, baby. I promise." 

"You shouldn't make promises you can't keep." Nat croaked, swallowing. 

"I don't."

The redhead stared at the wall, and she couldn't help but think he was wrong. She wasn't okay. She didn't want to be okay. How could she ever be alright again?

* * *

Natasha lied on her side, facing the wall like she had been the past few hours. After Tony had led her from the bathroom, she'd just barely managed to throw on some clothes before falling into bed. 

Tony tried talking to her, of course he did, but all she could do was stare blankly back at him. He'd left her alone after a bit of concerned pestering, and she could do nothing but lay there and think. 

Everything felt muted, but so loud at the same time. Her head felt so full of thoughts that she might explode, yet so empty it ached. Everything hurt so fucking much, but she also felt so suffocatingly numb. 

And she didn't know how to fix it. Didn't know if she wanted to. From behind her, she heard the door open, and her eyes fluttered closed for a moment. 

Tony would leave soon enough. "You promised." Came an icy voice that had her flinching in confusion. 

"You promised you wouldn't leave me." Peter hissed, and Nat could hear tears in his voice. 

Slowly, the redhead managed to push herself up, and she looked to him. Tears shone in his eyes, and his face was contorted in anger. 

"Peter." She breathed softly. 

"You promised that I wouldn't lose you!" The teen's voice broke on the last word, and Natasha felt something crack apart in her chest.

"Peter." Natasha whispered, face sad. 

"No!" He cried, jerking backward as she reached for him. "You- You told me that you would never leave me! But you just tried to- tried to-" 

He was gasping for breath as tears dripped down his face, unable to finish talking. "Peter." Natasha cried one last time, and the boy broke. 

He fell into her arms with a sob, hugging her as tightly as he could. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry." She wheezed out, burying her face in his hair as her tears finally fell. 

"I d-don't wanna lose you. Mom, _please_." Peter wailed into her shirt, shuddering with sobs. 

"You won't." Nat promised once again, but she meant it this time. "I need help. I'm going to get help. It's gonna be okay, малыш." 

For him, for Tony, she had to get better. 

* * *

"Steve, make it quick. I really don't have time for this right now." 

" _Tony, I- Uh, sort of, did something."_

"Did something? Did what?" 

" _Well, you know how Fury has a daughter, right?"_

"Yeah. Michelle, right?" 

" _Well, um, she didn't have anywhere to go. . ."_

"Rogers, what the hell did you do?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> title from would anyone care by citizen soldier


	21. when will they be proud of me? (it's getting harder to see)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im sorry it's taken so long!! ive been working on some other things and procrastinating😅  
> anyway,, this chapter is a bit different!! it's in mj's pov!! make sure to leave comments, they make my day :))
> 
> tw: mentions of child abuse

MJ had been conflicted about her father her entire life. Since the moment her six year old mind had finally comprehended him. Since she'd found him in his study holding a gun to a brunet haired man's head. 

Since she'd watched the terrified icy blue eyes lose their light, a dark red hole in the center of his head. Since he'd sat her on his lap and explained that what he did wasn't something she was allowed to tell people. 

She used to think they were good. She used to think that Shield were the good guys. She thought that, just like she'd been told, the Avengers were monsters. 

It wasn't until she met Peter Stark that her thoughts on that topic had wavered. MJ didn't know who he was at first, just thought he was the dorky Star Wars nerd that hung out with Ned Leeds all the time. But then she saw him get dropped off, saw the face of the one and only Tony Stark smiling goofily at the kid that no doubt shared resemblance with him, and the breath had been knocked from her lungs. 

She didn't tell her dad. Feigned ignorance when he confronted her. Maria and Carol had spied on them closer than normal, apparently. 

MJ didn't know why she didn't tell. It could've been because of the blue eyed man, or maybe because of the way work was always more important than her. Or maybe it was when she heard Peter Stark talking to his friend about the death of his mother. 

In the end, it didn't matter that she hadn't told, that she pretended she had no idea who the boy was. Carol and Clint somehow found out, they knew she knew, and when they told her dad?

The teen still had the scars on her back from that night. And perhaps that was why she told her dad when she found out Miss Romanoff was dating Tony Stark. Perhaps that was why, when she found out that there was 100% chance both Starks and Miss R would be at the same place, she told her dad. 

And maybe, just maybe, that was why when Steve came to her door and he told her that her dad was dead, she wasn't sad. 

"Where will I go?" Her words were empty, void of emotion, and her nails dug into her palms. 

"I. . . With me. If you want to. You wouldn't have to move schools, and I-"

"Yeah, okay." She cut him off, feeling strangely detached from the situation. Turning around, she walked back inside and began to pack her things. 

* * *

"You're with the Avengers, aren't you?" She asked absentmindedly later, once he'd brought her to his glaringly empty penthouse. 

He gave her a small smile. "Have been since before I 'joined' Shield." 

MJ swallowed. Nodded. "Where will I sleep?"

"There's a guest bedroom. It can be decorated, though. You can personalize it later on." Steve explained, nodding to a closed door. 

She'd only ever been here a handful of times before, and it was normally because her dad had nowhere to leave her. 

"I'll just go put my stuff in there." The teen said quietly, and she quickly made her way to what would be her new room. 

When she stepped in, nothing caught her eye like something normally would have. The walls were blank, the desk was empty, even the bed was blank. 

After dropping her bag on the ground unceremoniously, MJ slowly lowered herself onto the bed, and she just blinked at the wall. 

She could hear a muffled, one sided conversation Steve was having over the phone, and despite her father having literally died recently, she couldn't help but be nosy and press her ear to the door. 

"Well, um, she didn't have anywhere to go. . ."

So this was about her. But who was he talking to? "Look, Tony, I know things are so hectic with Natasha and. . ." That had her perking up. What happened to Miss R?

She heard Steve gasp softly, and frowned, pursing her lips as she struggled to listen. "Oh gosh. Is she okay? I mean, I know she's not. . . Yeah. Look, I've known MJ since she was little. She's not like Fury. Hell, I don't think she's even sad he's dead."

The girl flinched at that, her eyes shooting to the ground. Shouldn't she be sad? Shouldn't she feel something? He raised her, he'd taken care of her all her life, and now he was dead and she wasn't even sad. 

Steve let out a frustrated sigh, and she could practically see the way he ran his hand over his face when he was annoyed or impatient. "She's a _kid_ , Tony. You wouldn't want Peter to suffer over any mistakes you've made, so why should Michelle suffer over stuff Fury has done?" He snapped, and MJ finally felt something. 

Guilt. 

"Look, she couldn't have even known Nat was pregnant, okay? Not even I knew until after. . . You know. I know her, okay? She wouldn't have purposely let a pregnant woman be shot." Steve hissed, and MJ suddenly felt sick. 

She backed away from the door after that, nearly stumbling over her own feet. Miss Romanoff had been pregnant? And. . . And because of her, she'd gotten shot? Steve said "was pregnant". That meant. . . Oh god. 

The brunette clamped her hand over her mouth as she dropped onto the bed, tears stinging her eyes. What had she done? Miss R had been her favorite teacher, had been a huge inspiration to her. She was a kind woman, while also powerful and made sure to let everyone know who was in charge. 

She was like the cool aunt she never had. A silent sob wracked her body then, and she bent over herself, pressing her hand harder over her mouth to muffle any sounds. 

She had killed Miss Romanoff's baby. She was a murderer. She was no better than her dad. Before she knew it, tears were rolling down MJ's face, despite her eyes crinkled shut. 

The teen was forced to remove her hand from her face because suddenly she couldn't breathe, and then she was gasping for breath, wheezing and coughing and sobbing so hard she couldn't stop. 

"Oh. . . God. . ." Her words were punctuated with loud, wet cries, and suddenly Steve was there. 

His worried face appeared in her blurred line of vision, and his hand dropped hesitantly onto her shoulder. "MJ?"

She gasped, flinching away as she hiccuped out a sob. "Ste-eve."

"MJ, Em, can you breathe for me?" The blond spoke softly, crouched in front of her. 

"I'm so s-sorry. Oh G- Oh my- I don't-" 

"Hey, hey, you don't have anything to be sorry about." Steve soothed, running his hand up and down her arm with a frown. 

She did, though. She had so much to be sorry for. The words wouldn't leave her mouth, no matter how hard she tried, and in the end, all she could do was fall forward into his arms, burying her face in his neck. 

Immediately, his hands came up to hold her close, shushing her quietly and beginning to rock back and forth. 

MJ hadn't cried like this in, well, ever. Her entire body shook as she cried into his shirt, her chest heaving and hands trembling. 

_She didn't know what to do._

* * *

The days after that, she basically became the ghost haunting Steve's house. She barely left her room, only to go to the bathroom and eat, and when she did, she was sure she looked like a mess. 

Her eyes were red and swollen from the constant crying (which she didn't let Steve know about anymore), and she was pretty sure she hadn't taken a brush to her hair since before he took her in. 

MJ had spoken maybe two, three words to him since her little breakdown, and couldn't quite make herself meet his eyes anymore. 

She was basically known for the fact that she didn't show emotion or let anything affect her. She was MJ Jones-Fury, she was supposed to be _better_. 

Steve had yet to mention anything about going back to school, and for that she was grateful, because she didn't know how she'd react to seeing Miss Romanoff again. Just the thought of it filled her with the utmost terror.

During one of her late night trips to the kitchen for a glass of water, MJ let out a small sigh and padded slowly through the living room. She was pretty sure Steve was asleep, and it was because of that that she wasn't immediately rushing back to her room. 

Bringing the glass up to her lips, the brunette let her eyes drift over picture frames on walls, a few she hadn't noticed the last times she'd been there. As she caught sight of a few of the Avengers, she figured he'd just put them up, seeing as Shield had fallen apart after the death of her dad. 

She saw one of Steve and a young woman with red tinted hair, and she was 90% sure that was Wanda Maximoff. She'd seen her at the school before, whether she was there for Peter or Miss R, she didn't know. 

The next one was of Tony and Peter Stark at what appeared to be a Halloween party, this Halloween if she was thinking correctly. There were tons of pictures of them and the other Avengers, and she was beginning to realize that Steve really like photography. 

Her eyes landed on one of Steve and another man, and she almost slid her gaze past it, but his youth in it caught her attention. Most of them were recent, but that one had to be at least a decade old. Looking at the other man in the picture, MJ's whole body froze, stiffened up. 

That was the blue eyed man. The one with the long brown hair that she watched get killed. That was the- That was-

The glass in her hands had fallen at some point, and she could only watch as it shattered at her feet. Steve knew that man. Oh God, the _guilt_. It was eating at her, making it hard to breathe. 

"Em?" 

Her head snapped to the side where Steve was emerging from his room with alarmed eyes and a gun in his hands. MJ sucked in a sharp breath, taking a step back. 

The blond looked to his gun, wincing and shoving it into the waist band of his sweatpants. "I heard. . . What happened?" He inquired gently, stepping carefully over the broken glass and guiding her over to the couch. 

"The- The blue eyed man. The one with long hair. Who was he?" She asked, voice so impossibly small, she wouldn't be surprised if he hadn't heard her. 

But from the way his face contorted in pain, he had. "That- That was Bucky. Bucky Barnes. He was my boyfriend. A long time ago. Why does- What does he have to do with anything?"

"He- My dad killed him." MJ whispered, eyes tearing up, but she stubbornly refused to let them fall. 

Steve swallowed audibly, blinking. "Yeah. He did. I started working with the Avengers shortly after that, and infiltrated Shield soon after." He was silent for a moment, letting the words sink in before he spoke again. "How did you know that?"

She licked her lips, still not looking at him. "I watched- I saw- I wasn't supposed to bother Dad when he was working. He said- He said his study was off limits but he didn't make lunch and it was dinner time and I was hungry so I went in without knocking. I saw him. I saw Bucky. And then Dad. . . F-Fury shot him. He killed him." 

Steve had gone pale by the time she finished talking, and she was afraid of what he would say. She didn't dare say another word, just watching him. Were those tears in his eyes?

"Oh, Em. . . I'm so sorry." He choked out, and then he was hugging her. What? She should be the one that was sorry, not him!

"W-Why?"

The man pulled back to meet her eyes, face sad. "You were a kid, MJ. You would have been _six_. No child should ever have to see something like that." 

She didn't know how to respond. Because it was true, wasn't it? She was just a kid back then. She still was. She was only a kid. Slowly, the teen relaxed into his arms, resting her head on Steve's shoulder. 

They were quiet for a while, both of them just breathing and enjoying each other's presence. "I want to change it." She whispered after a while, pulling her knees to her chest. 

"Change what?" 

"My name. I don't want to be a Fury anymore."

"Oh. Yeah, alright. We can do that." 

They fell into silence again. "He hurt me."

Steve's head snapped up in alarm and he met her eyes. " _What_? Bucky-?"

"No. My dad. He hurt me. I don't. . . I don't want to be like him. I. . . I'm not sad he's gone." She was quick to clarify, shifting so she was leaning into his side. 

For a little while, she thought he wasn't going to say anything, but he did, after a long, pregnant pause. "My dad was the same way. He, uh, hurt my mom. Then one day he left a mark on me and. . . My mom grabbed his own gun and, well, you know." 

MJ sniffled and wiped at her nose, staring at the wall. "I'm sorry. About Miss R."

She could feel him tense beside her. "You were listening to me the other day." It wasn't a question. 

"Yeah. I didn't. . . I didn't know she was. . . I didn't want to tell him. He would've found out and he would've been mad, and I. . ." Tears stung her eyes again and she pursed her lips, titling her head upward. 

"Hey." Steve murmured, but she kept her gaze up. "Hey, Em, look at me." 

Slowly, she turned her head, meeting his pained eyes. "It is not your fault. Your father's actions aren't on you." He told her, his voice serious as he put his hands on her shoulders. 

A tear streaked down her cheek. "I'm sorry, Steve. I'm s-sorry."

He pulled her close one last time, and he held her until her cries stopped and she slowly fell asleep. Before Bucky died, they had wanted to get married. They'd wanted to have kids. 

Steve hoped that Bucky would be proud of him, proud of what he was doing for MJ.

* * *

The teen woke up in her bed, which she wasn't surprised about considering Steve had muscles like he deadlifted buildings everyday, but she felt well rested for the first time in a while. 

And that ache in her chest that she'd felt since her first day here, it lessened. Rubbing at her slightly sore eyes, MJ grabbed her phone from the nightstand and checked for notifications. 

The one she did have, had her sitting up with wide, terrified eyes. It was an email. 

_Hi! So, uh we're partners for the English project, I guess? It's Peter, by the way. Peter Stark._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> title from worthless by eli


	22. i know one day you'll smile with all the happy you need

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey guys!!! sorry i haven't posted in a while but to be fair there was a literal land hurricane and there's been no power for a while and ive been SUPER busy. also procrastinating 😅😅 btw i have started another ironwidow au so if you wanna check that outtt👀

Peter was nervous. Well he was always nervous, but today he was even more so than usual. While Natasha hadn't gone back to work yet, the sub still told Peter to keep up with the project she'd assigned. 

And because of that, he'd sent Michelle Jones-Fury and email, and was now anxiously face planting in his bed as he waited for her reply. 

The Star Wars Theme song began playing from his phone for a few seconds, and he jumped up, grabbing it and clicking on the email to stop the notification noise. 

She'd emailed him back!

_Hey, Stark. Where do you want to work on the project?_

He hadn't even thought about that. They weren't allowed to work at it at school because Mr. Ross was an ass and said that "Homework is for home."

And hadn't his Dad said that MJ had moved in with Steve since Fury was dead? He'd been to Steve's before, but it's was kinda boring there. And plus, he didn't really want to leave Nat, not now. 

Biting his lip, Peter sent another email. 

_My house if that's okay? Steve can bring you here._

It didn't take long for her to reply. She'd likely been waiting for his answer. 

_I'll ask to come by later. Texting's faster. (xxx)-xxx-xxxx._

Peter blinked owlishly at his phone, because Michelle Jones-Fury just gave him her number. 

After continuing to stare at his phone for a moment, he promptly dropped it and ran out of his room. 

"Dad!" He called, bursting into his parents' room to find Nat curled up asleep in Tony's lap. 

His dad gave him a small smile. "What's up, _bambino_?" 

"MJ is my partner for the English project. Can Uncle Steve bring her over later?" 

An indecipherable look crossed his face for a split second, before he nodded once. "I'll talk to Steve in a bit." 

Peter smiled then, skipping over to wrap his arms around his dad in a quick hug. Tony held him tightly, though, for a bit longer than would be a normal hug. The teen simply relaxed into it, heaving out a sigh as he buried his face in his dad's neck. 

"I love you, kiddo. You know that?" The man whispered into his ear. 

"Of course." Peter frowned, pulling back. "Is everything okay?" 

"I just. . . If you ever start to feel down, like your mom, I want you to come to me, okay? Or you come to Mom. You talk to somebody, alright?"

Immediately, tears rushed to Peter's eyes, because he knew exactly what his dad was thinking. He didn't want to lose Nat, and he didn't want to lose his kid. 

"I promise, Dad." 

And with that, he was pulled back into a hug. 

"I don't get to be included?" Came a muffled, pouting voice after about a minute or so. 

Peter giggled as he pulled back just enough to see Natasha looking up at them with her bottom lip stuck out in faux offense. 

"Well, c'mere."

* * *

Peter was sprawled on the couch now, watching TV, and he'd almost forgotten about that morning's anxiety inducing messages, until the elevator suddenly pinged and opened. 

He jolted, sitting up as two very familiar people walked in. "Tony? Nat? We're here!" 

Shit. He'd forgotten they were coming. How did he forget? "Uncle Steve?" 

Said blond looked to him, and immediately a smile spread across his face. "Hey, Pete." 

The teen jumped up and bounded over to give the man a hug, just as Tony popped his head out from his room. "Oh, hey, Rogers. Michelle."

Peter looked to MJ, noticing that she was staring at the ground and seemed so much smaller than she usually was. She seemed shy. 

"Hi, MJ." He squeaked, shuffling his feet a bit, with lack of anything else to do. 

"Hey." 

"So, do you have a certain time you want me to come pick her up?" Steve questioned, shoving his hands in his pockets. 

Peter watched as his dad led his uncle a few feet away to talk to him quietly, and he awkwardly looked to MJ. "So, do you want to brainstorm ideas then?" 

She only shrugged, and he felt at a loss. What was he supposed to do? "Um, do you wanna go to my room. . ?"

Again, she shrugged. What the hell was he supposed to do? Figuring that she hadn't said no, Peter continued to silently panic as they walked toward his room, and he threw a middle finger over his shoulder as his dad shouted, "Keep the door open!"

Slowly, the boy made his way over to his desk, grabbing out a notebook and a few pencils. MJ, however, dropped down to the floor. "Down here, nerd."

A flicker of surprise crossed his face as he heard her voice, and he couldn't help the small smile tugging at his lips. She was quiet, her words slightly hesitant, but at least she was speaking. At least she was beginning to seem more like herself. 

He had a bit of an idea about why she was so down on herself, besides the obvious, and if he was being honest, he wasn't sure how to feel about it. 

Blinking in shock when MJ took the notebook from him, Peter watched as the girl plucked his pencil from his hand instead of grabbing the one he'd put in front of her, and erased part of her last name. 

He'd written down both their names on instinct, and now it read _Peter Stark & Michelle Jones_ instead of _Peter Stark & Michelle Jones-Fury._

And finally, Peter thought, he understood.

* * *

Tony had been hesitant to let Natasha talk to Michelle, he'd been worried about how she was feeling and how she might react, and if anything, Nat was hurt.

"Do you really think I'm that breakable and delicate? That I don't know how to handle myself in front of a teenager?" She'd asked, pursing her lips while also just praying he didn't respond with the contradiction to her words that had popped into her head as she began to speak.

She didn't want to hear, " _Yes, I am saying that. You tried to kill yourself in the bathroom and you expect me not to dance around you like you'll crack apart into pieces?"_

But she knew him. She knew that even if he was thinking it, unless he got truly, truly angry, he'd never say that to her. No, instead he said, "I think we're both unpredictable right now, Nat. I think she is too, and I don't want anyone to say anything they'd regret."

Leaning into his side, the redhead let out a deep sigh and just looked at him. "I'll be okay, alright? I promise." 

As she walked towards Peter's room, she couldn't help but think that her last promise was on his mind, and just how she'd tried to break it.

Nat brought her hand up to lightly knock on her son's cracked open door, nudging it open wider "Hey kiddos." 

"Mom," Peter said, a smile coloring his face at the same time MJ tried and failed to hide the almost scared look that crossed hers. 

"Miss R." The girl's voice came out as a shaky whisper, so far from the confidence that Natasha expected to be there. 

And she got it. If anything, she got it. "Call me Nat, Michelle." 

Her eyes flicked to the ground for a moment, them back up. "MJ." She corrected softly, more firm. 

Both teens sat up so they weren't laying on the ground anymore, and Natasha lowered herself to sit beside them, a cautious hand on her stomach as a dull pain flashed through her. 

"MJ," the teacher began, looking into her eyes, "I do not blame you." 

The teenager looked startled that Nat had seen through her mask to the guilt that was eating at her, opening her mouth to speak, and then closing it again like a fish. 

"I get it, really. It's been explained to me by Tony, by Steve, even by Peter." The boy blushed at that. "And even if I didn't listen to them and take in what they've told me, I know you, MJ. You're a good person. You have an attitude to match mine, but you have a pure, good heart."

Taking a breath, Natasha took a moment to consider the tears in MJ's eyes. "I'll be okay. And you'll be okay, too." 

And with that, the redhead held her arms out, an open invitation for the girl. And MJ took it, scooting over and carefully accepting the hug. 

It was like everything clicked into place then, both of them coming to an understanding. More could have been said, probably _should_ have been said, but it was enough for them. 

"So, should we continue with our project, or. . ?" Peter drawled slowly, breaking the moment. 

Natasha laughed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> title from leave a message by gnash


	23. you'll never be alone, baby, i'm right here

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im sorry it's taken me so longggg, i started school and haven't had much time to write😅

Natasha woke up to a large weight dropping onto the bed, and she huffed out a laugh as she peaked her eyes open. "Wow! A whole kid just for me?" She teased, wrapping her arms around Peter, who immediately began giggling and squirming. 

"Let me go! I was just waking you up like Dad told me to." The teen whined, trying to pull out of her grip. 

"Oh, fine." She heaved a fake sigh and pulled herself out of bed, releasing him.

"Yay! Okay, come to the kitchen!"

And with that, he raced off, leaving Nat to pout. Stretching carefully and being cautious of her recently healed wound, she padded out of the room and adjusted her extremely messy bun. 

"What'cha need?" She yawned, walking over to him. He spun around, a delighted look on his face. 

"Sweetheart! Let's get married." The millionaire exclaimed, while pressing her medicine into her hands.

Blinking slowly, Nat stifled another yawn and swallowed the antidepressant down with a drink of water. "I already said yes." She wiggled her left hand to emphasize the ring. 

"No, I mean like right now. If- If you want to. Be honest, do you really want a huge wedding after everything that's been going on?" Tony asked, sounding unsure but also unwaveringly confident. 

And as she really thought about it, she realized he was right. She didn't want to call the father she hadn't spoken to in years to walk her down an aisle. She didn't want to tell Laura that, "Oh, hey, I'm marrying the man that killed your husband." She didn't want to get a big dress and spend the whole night in a room full of people. 

She just wanted to be married to him. "Yeah. Yes. Let's do it." 

His grin widened. "Great! Let's go change!"

An idea sparked in her head, and she smirked. "No."

"What?" He asked, brows furrowing for a moment. 

She looked down at herself, dressed in one of Tony's rumpled dress shirts and a pair of shorts. Then to him, wearing sweatpants and a T-shirt, and to Peter, wearing a hoodie and sweatpants. 

"Let's go like this. I wanna see the looks on their faces." 

And Tony's face lit up again. "Yes! Okay, let's go! The courthouse is open. C'mon Pete."

Said boy's eyes widened. "Wait, you want me to come?" He squeaked. 

"Really, Kid? We've got to work on this whole 'you not thinking you're just as important as us' thing. Of course you're coming." Natasha sighed out, rolling her eyes. 

Peter blushed, and the three all slipped on their shoes and went to the elevator. Leaning into Tony's side, she felt happy. Yeah, there was the ever present weight that settled over her, but with him, with them, Natasha felt like maybe, just maybe, things would be okay. 

"I'll beat you to the car!" Peter cried the second the doors slid open, and they watched him run for the Audi with matching smiles. 

A sudden thought hit her once again. It was something she and Tony had mused about quite a few nights in their bed. 

"Does this mean we're going to. . . you know soon?" She whispered softly to her partner as they approached the car that Peter was already climbing into. 

"As long as you're still comfortable with it." He murmured, rounding the car to the driver's side. 

"I am."

"Then tomorrow, I'll get the paperwork out." Tony smiled warmly, and Natasha thought she might burst with excitement.

* * *

The looks on their faces were priceless. And in the end, when Tony slid the ring onto her finger, and she put his on him, it was all she could ever ask for. 

And when her _husband_ kissed her as deeply as he could, Peter's fake gagging had her giggling against Tony's lips. 

She'd been through so much, had so much loss, but in that moment, she believed she could be truly happy.

* * *

Later that night, Natasha and Tony laid on their bed with their heads supported by their hands. Peter was curled up between them, and he was snoring softly. 

"Before I met you, before I loved you, and loved him, I never knew I could feel like this." The redhead admitted, carding her free hand through Peter's curls. 

"Like what?" Tony wondered, gazing at her with lidded eyes. 

"So. . . happy." She flicked her eyes back to him, noting the question on his face. 

"I know I've had some not so great days. A lot of not so great days," Nat sighed, "but it used to be so much worse. It was every day that I didn't know how to keep going, that I wanted everything to be over because there was nothing keeping me here."

Tony looked physically pained at her words, but let her continue. 

"Now, though, I think about what I want, and you and Peter are the first things on my mind. I used to think my future would be six feet underground, and there are times that I probably will in the future, but right now, all I want is you. I want to spend the rest of my life with you." 

When she looked into his eyes, she was shocked to see tears. He cleared his throat. "Is this like, late vows? Because I wasn't prepared." 

Natasha barked out a laugh, smiling at him. "I love you, Tony. With everything in me, I love you."

Her reached over, brushing her hair out of her face. "And I love you, Mrs. Stark." He murmured, and she couldn't hide the grin that tugged at her lips. 

"I like the sound of that, Mr. Stark." She whispered, leaning forward to press a kiss to his lips. 

"So do I."

* * *

"Peter!" Natasha shook his shoulders with a wide smile, snickering as he jolted up in confusion. 

"What?" He grumbled, rubbing his eyes. 

"C'mere, there's a surprise for you in the kitchen." She told him, barely able to contain her excitement. 

Peter paused, blinking owlishly at her. "Nobody's gonna propose to me, right?" 

Shaking her head with a laugh, she stood and pulled him up, leading him out of the room. 

She found Tony standing at the counter with a wide smile, his hands in his pockets. 

Peter looked suspiciously between them, then at the papers on the counter. "What is it?" He questioned, stepping closer. 

"Read it." Nat urged, a nervous tinge to her voice. As he began to do so, she shifted. "It's only if you want to. I'm not trying to replace your mom or anything, I just-"

Peter turned around and basically launched himself at her with a hug. She was pleasantly surprised, wrapping her arms around him and resting her chin on his shoulder. "You are my mom." He whispered, and Natasha could feel tears welling in her eyes. 

"Yes, yes, I want you to adopt me." He croaked, close to tears himself, and Tony cheered, coming over to hug them both. 

"I love you guys." Natasha sniffed, closing her eyes and leaning into the hug. 

"We love you." Tony murmured in her ear, and Natasha just knew that things were going to be okay. 

Everything would be okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> title from dusk till dawn by zayn malik


	24. you are, you are the reason why i'm still hanging on

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> title from get you the moon by kina

When Peter told MJ about his adoption the next day, both of them on the living room floor working in their project, she simply fist bumped him. "Adoption buddies." 

Natasha watched with an amused smile as he gasped, asking a million questions a minute about Steve finally adopting her, and she almost didn't see the girl's small smile. 

Looking at them, she wondered how long it would take Michelle Jones to become Michelle Stark. Tilting her head, she thought about the initials. MS. Nah, she'd have to keep MJ as her nickname. 

"You see it too?" Tony asked from beside her, and she looked up, not having noticed he was there. 

"I think they're the only ones that don't."

He snickered at that, leaning into her side to watch their kid interacting with MJ. "He's a lot like Pepper." He commented after a moment of silence, and Nat looked at him. 

"How so?" 

"Kind, polite, but unafraid to do anything for the people he loves." The millionaire explained, pressing a kiss to her cheek.

"I would say he's like you, but you have no manners at all." Natasha whispered to him, and was rewarded with a smack to the arm. A laugh bubbled up from her throat as she looked to his scandalized face. 

He looked into her eyes, seeing the mischief shining in them, and he knew that this was it, this was what he'd needed for so long. "Tell me where you've been, love." He murmured, brushing his thumb over her cheekbone. 

She grinned. "What do you mean?"

"I mean, I had to wait until my forties to meet the love of my life?" He sighed out, and she could only smile wider, pressing a kiss to his lips. 

"I've been right here, waiting for you."

* * *

"Uh, uh, a giraffe!" Tony shouted, squinting at the board from the edge of his seat. 

Nat shook her head, eyes wide as she pointed again with the marker. 

"Dolphin!" Peter cried, grabbing his dad's arm in excitement. 

She shook her head again, face pleading as she jabbed the drawing with the marker repeatedly. "A dog?" Happy guessed unsurely, his eyes narrowed and searching.

Natasha shook her head again, pouting. "A seal." MJ said, barely glancing up from her phone, and the redhead jumped up and down.

"Yes! Yes, thank you, MJ!" 

"Time's up!" Wanda yelled, just as Peter, Tony and Happy all groaned.

"How was that a seal? Its neck is like five feet long!" Tony whined. 

"That was its body, Dumbass." Natasha rolled her eyes, walking over to drop down onto the couch next to them. 

Pictionary was getting the best of them. 

"Okay, you're up, Steve." Bruce said, looking at the unofficial schedule they'd made. 

Everybody on the Stark team groaned. "He's a literal artist!" Tony complained as the muscled blond stood up with a grin and picked up the marker Natasha had put down.

"So is MJ." He reminded, giving them a pointed look. 

"True." Peter nodded seriously, grinning over at his friend. 

Natasha leaned forward on her knees, frowning as he began drawing a freaking masterpiece with a dry erase marker. "Oh, that's a toad." Thor announced with ease, and his team cheered. 

"It's like, cheating." Happy grumbled, and Natasha agreed. 

"How could he even tell it was a toad? It looks like a frog." Peter asked, crossing his arms over his chest. 

"Because they're cheaters." Tony told him confidently, crossing his arms as well.

"You guys are just upset because you're losers." Loki pointed out as Wanda shouted that the next thing Steve was drawing was an alligator. 

"It could've been a crocodile!" Happy exclaimed, throwing his hands in the air, and the Starks all nodded in agreement.

MJ sighed. "Actually, alligators have u-shaped faces that are wide and short. Crocodiles have long, slender, v-shaped muzzles. Therefore, that's an alligator." 

Everyone went silent, and Steve grinned. "Yeah!" 

"You're supposed to be on our side!" Natasha cried, scandalized, and the teen just shook her head with a fond grin. 

"MJ, you might as well join Steve's team with the way you're betraying us." Tony said with a dramatic sniff, tilting his head up. 

"Okay." The brunette agreed. 

"No!" Peter cried, then turned to his dad, "We can't let them have two artists!"

"The score is twenty-three to six, Peter. I think we're winning no matter what." Bruce told him with a smirk. 

"We could catch up!" Happy tried unconvincingly. 

"We're toast." Natasha admitted with a sigh, flopping backwards. Tony slouched back with her. 

"We're dropping out." The man told them, and he smacked a kiss on Nat's nose. 

She batted him away, rolling her eyes. "You're gonna get makeup on your lips.

"Does it look like I care?" Her husband queried, leaning in to kiss her in the lips. 

She kissed him back, and if she purposely smeared a bit of lipstick around his mouth, then that was nobody's business but hers. 

Pulling away, she looked at him and promptly bursted out laughing. Bright red stained his lips and the skin around them, and it looked like a toddler had applied it to his face. 

"You're cute." She said, bopping his nose, and he sat up, beaming.

"That's a great look on you, Tony." Wanda complimented with a sly smirk, leaning back in her seat. 

"Thanks, I'm thinking of getting it patented."

"You're disgusting." Peter said, his face scrunched up. 

"You think all kissing is disgusting?" MJ asked innocently, finally looking up from her phone. 

Peter flushed as red as Nat's hair. "W-Well, no. Just, they're my parents." He stuttered, running his hand through his hair. 

MJ nodded. "Good."

When she pulled him in for a kiss, Peter was the only one that didn't expect it. Everybody around them whooped, and Natasha grinned, repeating MJ by pulling Tony to her by his tie, kissing him for real this time. 

"I love you, Tony." She whispered, her forehead against his. 

"And I love you, Nat." He murmured.

"Okay, we get it, you Starks are great at romance. Can we please stop the PDA?" Wanda questioned very loudly. 

They all parted with laughs, and Natasha sighed happily. 

"I love you guys." 

"Aw, we love you, too." Thor returned, and the next thing she knew, she was being enveloped in the biggest group hug she'd ever been in. 

"So, we won, right?" Came Loki's muffled question. 

* * *

Walking back into the classroom she hadn't been in for who knew how long felt gratifying for Natasha, and she spent her whole first day back just reveling in the fact that things were finally going back to normal. 

There were a lot of questions that she couldn't answer, like where she'd been, or what happened, or why was she gone so long, but there was one thing she could say. 

The thing she was most proud of. "Miss R?" Ned asked as the bell rang, signaling the start of her favorite class. 

"Actually, Ned, It's Mrs. Stark."

The faces of the students was enough to have her grinning widely. "Do I still get to call you Mom, or is it Mrs. Stark now?" Peter questioned from his desk, giving her a shit eating grin. 

That caused the whole class to burst into chatter, and even as they all yelled and asked questions, Natasha smiled. 

She wasn't healed, probably wouldn't be for a long time, but she was healing. She would be okay someday.

* * *

Another day, when Tony shows her the adoption papers of a baby girl named Morgan, Nat will hold back tears, and their family will be complete.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi guys, if i know y'all, you're probably just as sad this story is over that i am. it's my baby, like my absolute favorite story and i've loved writing it so so much. you guys are so sweet and if it weren't for the countless sweet comments, i probably wouldn't have had the inspiration to finish this. now i just want to say that I'm sorry the last chapter isn't longer or better, but i lost a friend a few days ago and I've had a really hard time focusing on this story. thank you all for your support and i hope you enjoyed 'tell me where you've been, love'


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